There are always 3 sides to a story, yours, theirs and in the middle lays the truth!
Justavolunteer, I applaud you for being so very passionate about making your childrens school a better place! What a blessing that school has to have a parent who cares that much! Too bad the PTO board can't get beyond their own feelings/fears and following "rules" to see what an asset you can be to them!! I also agree that a husband/wife combo controlling the checkbook for the PTO would cause a conflict of interest. While I am sure that Bayshore and her husband would never do anything with the money that is not kosher, why even put yourself in a situation that would cause others to wonder!! The PTO has one job, that is to make our childrens school the very best it can be, if you want more volunteers and you have someone who is achieving that goal why is it an issue??
Also a statement was made in one of the posts stated that you weren't part of the PTO, let me say that ANY parent or guardian of a student in the school IS A PART OF THE PARENT Teacher Organization!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never allow that to be questioned!!!
That all being said, I think it is very important to remember that all PTO boards do have rules and policies on how they are run for a reason. But never ever should a board have issues with a parent questioning them on how things work and why. If you can't explain it then why do you have it?
I would hope that all members involved would be adult and mature enough to work this out in a way that is beneficial to the most important thing her, OUR SCHOOLS!

njmom: originally I did have it in paragraphs, but since it is so much information it wouldn't post that way... I had to space it ontop of each other in order for it to post... I actually used a piece of paper line by line as I reread it... my vision isn't so hot either... maybe that would help you so you could read it and give me your honest opinion in regards to the whole situation... I would appreciate the feedback. Thanks!

justavolunteer - While I'm sure you have some valid points, you might want to break your posts above into paragraphs. Those of us getting ready for bifocals (say it isn't so!) may have a hard time reading your posts. I'm sorry to say that I gave up when the words started running together. Sorry!

(Part two of the story)
The fall festival came and went.

I sent each room parent a personal thank you card for taking the time to volunteer for the fall festival and doing their part to help the PTO.

Anyway, I was curious how much money had been raised at the Fall Festival: with the wristband sales?;Basket sales (there were 14 baskets auctioned off... 2 per grade) How much did each one auction off for?; how much had the concession stand brought in?; if any school shirts had been sold?

Again, nothing was ever posted, handed out, or announced, and when I asked, the topic was dodged. The PTO finances were off limits and the more I asked the more I was being treated like dirt.

I spoke to several room parents each week, casually or because of questions they had. still the PTO website had not been updated or hyperlinked to the new website they supposedly had.

I finally got the new website address. it was not common knowledge - only the board members had it. A board member gave it to me, because I was the ROOM PARENT COORDINATOR.

Anyway, it had been over a month since I had asked the vice president and president about it being hyperlinked to the old site. I was bothered that it was not public knowledge because it was the PTO WEBSITE and it was being paid for with PTO funds. I soon discovered the school did not know there was any other PTO website either... and the vice president was furious when I let the information out.... I had simply asked the technology dept (who handled the school website) if it would be difficult to hyperlink the old site to the new site, appparently it would have been very easy, and the dept. emailed the president and vice president to let them know .

they were furious with me "informing and involving the school in matters that do not pertain to them". The vice president called me and told me to mind my own business. she repeatedly told me that this matter had been covered and it was closed. I truly thought it was a good thing finding out that the sites could be linked... then those parents who were looking for information regarding the PTO could be directed to the current site and not left looking at last years information.

I did not know where to go from here...

a week or so later, it was time for the next PTO meeting. I had spoken to all the room parents about coming to meetings and I had gotten a very positive response. I promised them I would call to confirm the meeting time and date.

As I said, several of the room parents kept in touch with me and I also believed it was my responsiblilty to inform them being the Room Parent Coordinator. Twenty room parents showed up (three brought their children . it was 8 children, not 15... and these parents brought books and activities for their kids). And by word of mouth parents who were not room parents showed up too.

We had over thirty parents show up for the meeting. I thought it was great because it showed that there were people who wanted to help out. The meeting was scheduled to start at 6:30, the board members did not show until 7.they had scheduled a meeting with the principal and assistant principal to discuss my behavior (I found this out at the meeting).

As they were coming into the meeting, a board member pulled me aside and said she needed to speak to me. I asked her if it could wait till after the meeting, but she assured me it would be quick. I followed her out to the hallway, and she proceeded to thank me for me wanting to volunteer and be a part of the PTO.

Then she stated that I had no place calling members and informing them about meetings, that was not a members position to call others and I was overstepping my boundaries.

When I explained to her that my role as Room parent coordinator put me in a position to contact the other room parents, she wanted to know where I got the idea I was the Room Parent Coordinator? When I told her the vice president appointed me and the president confirmed it . she was speechless.

She then went on to say I could not be in that position because I had not been a member for a year. I told her that in the bylaws it stated that the year requirment could be waived if the position was vacant and no current member wanted it.

She then proceeded to tell me that I was welcome to run for the position when they held elections. She again told me to no longer contact any members in regards to PTO functions and or meetings because that was not my place. She stated that if a member had a question they could contact any board member. Here I mentioned that there was no way for any one to know who the board members were or how to contact them.

She also told me that the PTO meetings were not open to the public except twice a year and that it was only meant for the Board Members. I pointed out to her that the bylaws (I had obtained a copy thanks to the assistant principal) stated that every PTO meeting was open to the public.

By the time she finished talking to me, the PTO meeting was over. Several of the room moms stayed back to talk to me, they were upset how I had been escorted out of the meeting, and how the meeting again told them nothing, especially since the next day was the school Thanksgiving lunch.

This is when I found out by the principal and assistant principal that the president and vice president were claiming that I had appointed myself to the Room Parent Coordinator position and was causing problems.

When I showed them the letters sent home with the vice presidents signature stating that I was Room Parent Coordinator, they did not know what to say.

The next morning as I was dropping my son off, I bumped into the kitchen manager and she was extremely stressed because she did not know if there was anyone to help with the days big lunch. I asked her how many volunteers she needed and she said six at least. I contacted several people (the majority of who were room parents) and I quickly had 8 people ready to help. All of whom who had done the required background check for volunteers.

Two of the room parents told me that the pto president had called them too. I was glad to hear that she was looking for volunteers also, just wondered why the Kitchen manager did not know this.

When I showed up to help that day, the vice president and president quickly pulled me aside in the cafeteria and told me that I was not needed and could go home. I explained to then that I was there as a favor to the kitchen manager not the pto. The vice president told me that I had no place calling for volunteers. again I tried to explain that I did it as a favor to the kitchen manager not the PTO... by this time she was getting very irrate and loud. She proceeded to tell me that I misunderstood her in regards to the room parent coordinator and I was not needed in that position. She told me I had been confused by what she said and that I was never the room parent coordinator. When I mentioned the letters she signed, she told me I would be taken care of and she would see to it; on that she stormed off .

After the lunch was over, I saw the school principal on my way to the parking lot, and I asked her if we could talk about this situation at hand. She said sure and we proceeded on to her office.

Waiting in front of her office was the president and vice president, they told her that they needed to talk to her too. She said sure right after her meeting with me. They demanded that they speak to her first. She suggested we all meet together and I thought that was a great idea. It would give us the chance to get everything out in the open and on the table.

Unfortunately, the vice president refused to meet with me. She insisted they meet with only the principal, and be allowed to talk to her first. I didn't fight it. I simply took a seat outside the office and waited my turn.

When I did get in to talk to the principal, we agreed it was not working out the way it was supposed too, and at this time it would be best for me to simply back down and let them have the room parent coordinator position for themselves (along with the positions of president, vice president, fundraisers, Fall Festival, Bookfairs, RIF, and internet).

I still had a lot of questions and I explained that to the principal, she asked me to write them down and address them in that manner. That is what I did and it again was seen as me overstepping my boundaries by the president and vice president.

I am very curious about the pto finances.
I am bothered by the president and treasurer being wife and husband.
where are the checks and balances?
Who does have signature powers on the account?
Isn't the husband wife relationship a conflict of interest?
Why doesn't the PTO let people know about meetings?
Why don't they like me asking questions?

a lot has happened and I am more confused.

Really, I am not a "crazy volunteer" out to take over the PTO. I am "just a volunteer" - who has discovered lots more people who want to volunteer but are scared now.

basically the president and vice president have "black listed" me and anyone who is seen talking to me!

There is another PTO meeting coming up... I am going. I am going to try to stay informed on the school happenings... and I am still my son's room parent which I love...

For all of you who thought I was a "crazy controlling mom" after the first part of the story, do you still feel that way?

Wow, when I read this I would have thought I was a crazy volunteer also.

Hello to everyone who has responded to the original email. I am the crazy volunteer mentioned.

Unfortunately, the whole story has not been told. Please allow me to give you my side of the situation. And I would greatly appreciate any feedback once you have both sides. It may take awhile because a LOT has happened to get to this point.

I am a new mom to the school. When I attended the first PTO meeting, there were many parents, because it was immediately following the meet the teacher. I was thrilled to see all of the parents, because it was an excellent opportunity to get the PTO off to a positive start.

Unfortunately, the meeting did not go as well as I or several of the moms I met had hoped. It was simply too "informal" and 'rushed'. The president stood in front of the cafeteria table she had been sitting at, this was not in a position where everyone could see or hear her. She quickly introduced herself and the officers, covered one or two other topics, thanked everyone for coming and that was that.

I was surprised when it was over because I did not feel like I had learned anything to help me be a part of the PTO and the four mom's I was sitting by felt the same way. We were surprised that there had not even been any handouts(officer names, contact information, planned events, volunteer opportunities, how to join, bylaws) nothing.

After the meeting, I introduced myself to the president and vice president. I asked them about joining the PTO and I was told information would be sent home with the students.

The information did come home a week later, along with a request for room parents. On the room parent request form there was a name and a number of who to contact with questions. I called the number because I wanted to know exactly what the position of room parent entailed before I volunteered. I needed to make sure my having other children would not be a problem. It was a very positive conversation that I had with the vice president. I immediately let her know I was very interested in being the room parent.

Over the next few weeks, I would speak with the vice president almost every day. we saw each other as we were waiting to pick our kids up in the afternoon. During these conversations, she would mention how hard it was to get any volunteers and how she and the president were having to do all the work for the PTO. Again, I reassured her that I would help in whatever area I could.

It was time for the second PTO meeting. Funny thing was that the meeting had never been officially announced to the parents. Nothing was sent home with the students and the PTO schoolwebsite still had last year's information. It was up on the school marquee two days ahead of the meeting, but unfortunately the majority of students ride the bus so their parents would not see the marquee. I was the only parent that was not a board member at the meeting. the only person who introduced themselves to me was the School assistant principal. I knew who the president and vice president were since I had introduced myself to them at the last meeting, but I did not know who the remaining five people were. I listened at the meeting and took notes to have for future reference.

I was a little concerned when I learned that the Treasurer of the PTO was the husband of the President and he would not be able to attend the meetings. He needed to be home with the kids. It seemed to be a conflict of interest to have a President and Treasurer, who were wife and husband. I later learned that more members were bothered by this situation.

When I asked the vice president about the lack of parents coming to the meetings, she quickly told me that they could never get any parents to come. She also said it wasn't such a bad thing because it kept the meetings short.

As the days went by, I continued to speak with the vice president just about every day and I continued to hear about how no one would volunteer for anything and how her and the president were having to do all the work. I was now officially the room parent for my son's class. Before the Fall Bookfair, the vice president asked me if I would be interested in helping out by being the ROOM PARENT COORDINATOR? I asked her what this would entail and she told me I would need to stay in touch with all the room parents and the teachers in regards to all the PTO functions involving the classes (the Big Fall Festival and each class holiday party). She said she would get me the information and be there if I had any questions or concerns. I asked her if this was okay, since I was a new member and she quickly told me it was fine. She said she had discussed it with the president and it was agreed that I would be good for the position since I did want to help so much. I did want to help and now I had an area that I could focus on.

I helped out at the first PTO function (fall bookfair). At this bookfair, I spent more time speaking to the President and Vice president. the vice president introduced me to the woman who had been the Room Parent Coordinator the previous year. I asked her if she had any tips or advice for the position I had been given, and she told me to be sure to communicate well with the room parents and teachers.

At the bookfair, the vice president recommended that I contact each of the room parents to introduce myself and let them know I was in the position of Room Parent Coordinator.

That following week, the vice president sent home a letter and room parent packet to each of the room parents. In the letter, she states that if there is any questions to contact the president, herself, or me, "the Room Parent Coordinator". In the room parent packet, on all the sample letters we are to use for each class hall party it states if you have any questions contact, "my name" and the title "Room Parent Coordinator".

Over the next few weeks, I continued to visit with the vice president almost daily as we waited to pick up our children. I kept her informed on how things were going with the room parents.I had contacted each one and asked them if they had any questions or concerns about their role as room parent and the upcoming functions; any questions i would take down and get back with them once I had the answer. I explained that I was a new mom and I would not have all the answers since I was learning, but I would do whatever I could to find out what they needed.

About this time, there was another PTO meeting -- again, nothing was sent home with the students, and the website still had not been updated from the previous year. I had mentioned that to the vice president and she told me that the president and her husband were in charge of the PTO website. She also stated that there was actually a new website, not tied in with the school site. I asked her if there was a way to hyperlink the sites so that when a parent clicked on the old website they would be immediately sent to the new one? She said the president and her husband would have to answer that.

Things started to get funky about here. During this time the kids had done their fall fundraiser. Again, the vice president and president were in charge; stating that no one else wanted to help. The fundraiser came and went. The results were briefly mentioned at the PTO meeting, but nothing was posted or sent home with the students or put on the school website. I was very curious how much money had been raised and if it was enough to cover the upcoming functions and field trips? Whenever I asked about the PTO finances, I never seemed to get an answer. And as I mentioned earlier, the treasurer was not at any PTO meeting.

The school's big event, the fall festival was fast approaching, and again the president and vice president were in charge - even though there was a board member named for this position? As it came close to the time to prepare for the festival, I had been staying in touch with all the room parents (each room parent was responsible for a grade level booth and a grade level basket to be auctioned off at the festival). I had been keeping in touch with the room parents to make sure they had there booths covered for working it the day of the festival and to make sure they were doing okay in getting their baskets for the auction. I got to know several of them pretty well. it was great. During all of the conversations, I discovered there were a lot of moms, dads, and grandparents who wanted to help. I was estatic to discover this. I had individuals who actually wanted to be a part of setting up for the Fall festival and take it down when it was over. I thought this was wonderful news and quickly told the vice president. Her response shocked me. She told me they did not need any help. She said the board members would take care of it themselves and that was better because it would be less of a hassle. I did not know how to respond to this, because I had people who WANTED to help. When I asked the president if it would be okay for the other room parents to come to the school to help, she said yes. The vice president was not happy about this. Our afternoon conversations ended immediately; it was strange.

Oh, I can feel your pain. We have one of these gals, too. While she signed on as a helper for the Girl Scouts, she feels like she should have a full voice in all aspects of the group though she is only there to help and doesn't participate in planning, shopping, etc...

While she was very valuable as a solicitor for our recent fundraiser, she did go out and ruffle feathers of vendors. She signed up volunteers and assigned jobs to them (without conferring with the team) for which they were totally unsuitable. She took it upon herself to send out schlocky thank you notes on behalf of the school, meanwhile we had a lovely letter and certificates ready to go. And so on, etc...

I think that what you are dealing with is someone who's general intentions are good, but they probably feel the need to overtake the entire process or group, thinking they know better than anyone else. And if they are not given a large role in things, they'll make that happen themselves.

I would caution you against putting her in charge of anything related to people. Sounds like a project manager-type role would be best. Mapping out schedules, determining budgets, tracking progress, creating and compiling databases. It sounds as if she's a thinker, so maybe researching as many ideas for fundraising or the process of fundraisers would be good. These are all things that would keep her busy while keeping her out of too much contact with people inside and outside of the PTO. I can see how a loose canon like this person could cause serious problems.

Good luck, and keep us posted. I am sure someone can learn from your situation.