Dear "the 7 page letter":

After the PTO meeting, where I was escorted out by one of the board members to tell me to stop calling members and telling them about meetings, I realized that very few of the board members even knew that the Vice President had "appointed" me Room Parent Chairperson - basically just the President and the board member who had been Room Parent Chairperson the year before.... so it was understandable why they would be puzzled and concerned by my actions. Basically, they had no idea what had even been transpirring to build up to this melting point.

In my letter to them, and it was addressed to the PTO Board - not the PTO itself, and I did make sure the Principal and Assistant Principal received copies because they too had no idea what was going on. The board had met with them before the PTO meeting to discuss me and my behavior -- without allowing me to be there to speak my side of the story. Therefore, I felt I should have that opportunity to do just that.

My letter voiced my side of the events that had been occurring, along with copies of the letters the Vice President herself gave to every room parent stating that I was the new Room Parent Coordinator and they should call me if they had any questions or concerns about up coming room parent functions - with her signature on each one, and it also allowed me to voice my concerns in regards to the finances, lack of communication, unprofessional behavior (on all our parts), no minutes for meetings, no records to show for the finances, no planned budget, no calendar of events, and the such.

In the letter, I formally apologized to each of them for the confusion and disruption that had been created by all of this. I simply requested that any time a person's behavior is being questioned to please allow that person the right to be in on any "discussions" about their behavior, so that all facts can be presented. That seems only fair.

Hope that answers your question. Thanks for asking. ~~sincerely, Justavolunteer.

When I had met with the Principal after the Thanksgiving Lunch episode, I had agreed it would be best for me to step back at this point, but I did stress my concerns, so our Principal suggested I write them down and present them that way, so that there would be less room for complications. And that is what I did.

Dear Makeachangemom:

I really appreciate your opinion and support! It has been tough stepping back, but at this point I truly feel it is the right thing to do.

I don't understand this PTO... they don't send out flyers for the meetings, they don't post it on the school marquee, and they have recently ended the website they were using and they still aren't using the school website. The only way I found out the date to the last meeting, was by emailing the president 8 times and sending it through the school interoffice mail. How are parents and/or teachers supposed to be involved if they don't even know the meeting date/time/location?

The last meeting was on Feb. 22nd (4 of us room moms showed up this time -- and 3 board members were there - along with the principal and assistant principal) - and one of the other moms spoke up voicing her frustration about how this PTO makes anyone/everyone interested in helping out feel like outsiders who are not welcomed... Since this topic was not on the agenda... it was discussed after the official meeting thanks to the principal. The mom who spoke out made the comment "maybe I should ask for my membersip fee back, because I am not being allowed to be a member?" She did not actually ask for her money back, it was simply a statement to make a point, but two days after the meeting she received "her money back" along with a note telling her she is no longer in the PTO signed by the President and Vice President!!!

She was very upset when we spoke, but I told her to simply resubmit the money with a note stating that they misunderstood and she is still a member of the PTO. I also told her to be sure to keep copies of everything, so that it cannot be questioned -- especially when it comes time for voting.

I have a question for everyone... does your PTO pay for "mileage" (for individuals - not bus transportation) and "business lunches"? Our PTO had money spent on both of these, which I have questioned. I definitely feel an audit is needed, and it is supposed to happen at the end of the school year... it was on the agenda at the last meeting. I was sure to mention that it would not have to be an expense to the PTO, because an accountant could do it as part of the Community Reinvestment Act - which is a tax write off for the accountant - and I have already found accountants who would do just that.

Please keep the good advice coming because I need it. The elections are supposed to be next month, so it will be interesting to see where it all goes. I made a special request at this last meeting for there to be flyers definitely sent home with each student at least a week before the meeting so that every and any parent interested can come, especially those parents who are already members in the PTO. The principal and assistant principal agreed with me... but the President and Vice President did not make any comment. I even offered to take the time to make the flyers (I have a marketing/advertising degree and love to do such things... career is on hold while I have the honor of being home with my kids). Who knows? I just don't want such an important meeting to be brushed aside and only the board members be told the date. Keep us in your prayers!

After the last meeting, I had six room moms gripe me out for not calling them and telling them the date?! They made me promise to not let that happen again - so I have their permission to call them when I find out the date of the next meeting. Which I had to get, since the president claims I am harrassing people with my phone calls. Maybe I should get their permission in writing???? You're right a sense of humor is crucial!!

Thanks again for your comments. I have many questions about our PTO... but I am taking them one at a time. ~~~~sincerely, justavolunteer

Wow! Is it not possible for a group of "adults" to work together in the best interest of the students, teachers, and the school?

If you read the posts (not just this thread) throughout the message board you will find problem after problem involving one parent or teacher or administrator putting personal agendas ahead of what their true purpose should be - THE SCHOOL!!

I too have been involved in some doozies. I am involved in my daughters Middle School as an officer of the PTO and have invested more time and money and effort in trying to see that the PTO accomplishes as much as we possibly can for the betterment of everyone involved. Unfortunately things rarely run smoothly. I hate to even say this but - when you get a bunch of women together you almost always end up with trouble.

Some people beleive that being an officer is a "power position" which entitles them to act in a controlling uncompromising manner. Others think it's a great opportunity to talk about others and point the finger of blame as to why things arn't the way they should be. Some seem to feel it is an elite group of privileged people who's main objective is to make others feel they don't belong. I just want to work with a group who really care about achieving the goals we mutually decide on by working as a team and - dare I say it - have fun and enjoy each others company while doing it.

You are not crazy and you certainly have every right to be involved in your child's school and to question the actions and activities of the organization when you like. I personally would love to have someone like you in our orgainization. I admire the fact that you did not allow a small group of people to exclude you from volunteering. I also think that you show a great deal of character agreeing to keep a low profile for the time being until the next election. You are doing what the current elected officers (they were elected - right?) can not seem to do. Put the interests of the school first. I cannot seem to make others understand that the PTO does not consist of just the officers. We have a membership to whom we are accountable. The money we spend is money we raised through the support of our parents, students, and teachers. They have the right to know how well certain events did as well as a say in how best to spend the proceeds. I love it when parents attend meetings and ask questions. The more they ask the more involved they become. What could be better for a school than that?

We need to put our egos aside and utilize the wonderful talents and specialties we each have in a combined effort to do what is best for our school. Isn't is just possible that someone else does a particular task a little better than you? Why not use that to your advantage and concentrate on what you can do. Appreciate each other, admire each others strengths, and help each other if we start to digress into self serving behavior. Also, a sense of humor is crucial!!

It's hard being on the outside of the "group" but sometimes it takes one person to step up, speak out, and make a change for the better. If your bylaws allow it send me a membership form. I'll pay my dues and nominate you for president next year! It sounds like you will probably have alot of support!

justavol..... one question for you.....why did you write the letter?

It is always interesting to me when folks recognize themselves in these posts. I mean this is a nationwide thread so for someone to see that they are the one being talked about takes a huge amount of matching information. Having said that...it is always best to hear both sides of the story and of course the folks that have posted here have only heard one until now.
I suspect in reality the truth lies somewhere in the middle but respect the fact that you presented your information so succintly. That's hard to do when the energy is flying.
So what do I think...Seems there were and are definite communication issues between the board and its general membership. If nothing else-I would have worked hard to include you into the process so that you understood the processes with the group. I would also never label anyone "crazy". It is disrespectful and shows a side of a group and leadership that is really inappropriate to having a professional group image.
The fact that you have a signed letter saying you were in the position you thought you were in, to me is proof that these folks just decided to stop having you be a part of things. I think a Pres and Treas that are married is insanely dangerous for the group, a website that isn't linked to a school site is prohibitive and useless, budgets and spending not released routinely to the body of the school --- really bad management and volunteers that seem to draw people in that are not embraced also something I wouldn't consider the healthiest approach.
I also think that anyone attempting to set up a double chain in the PTO is disruptive. From your account, you didn't do that with any malintent (which I will accept on your word) but would hope that all these grownups involved could figure out a way to get the benefit of a person who seems to have the ability to draw others in to a group that seems to need those others for their programs.
So my thoughts...run for President. Folks that believe in your talents will follow you and you can begin to run things how you see appropriate for the group. Stepping back at this point was probably the best idea.
I hope that for the rest of the year, you can all play nice and make great things happen for your children. I suspect they have learned some unfortunate lessons from this exchange so far...and hope the focus can turn back to enhancing their education experience and not this silly tug of war.
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justavolunteer-from the tone and exuberance in your post I think you are indeed a very energenic volunteer. This may scare people who are comfortable it what has been done in the past. I would temper my entusiam with a little restraint.
It sounds like things were not clear in expectations or direction from both sides. If you have questions about the PTO, I would ask the principle or the president when and how the records are available? Ask to see the minutes and statements and try to answer some of your questions that way. I find that when people may say things, but when they are written down 'for the record' it may be slightly different. If they are unwilling to open the books I would be a little concerned. I know at our meetings, I keep things brief but always mention that the PTO notebook is in the principals office for anyone to examine for any details they want.
As for the meeting notices going home, it could be a matter of the teachers not getting them in time or substitutes not handing them out. One of our classes received Nov and Dec notices at the beginning of Jan.
Bayshore-I don't see the problem with having too many parents at a PTO meeting. Some of our good ideas have actually been from children attending meetings. They are the ones we are trying to help, its nice to get info right from the source.
I think communication is the key in this situation. I don't think this is the place for an open argument. I do suggest that you have info in place for parents to find out about the PTO. It's better to have parents get all the facts and make it easy to know the organization then to make it difficult and have them fabricate ideas about how things are. If there are bylaws in place, follow them. Everyone needs to play by the rules as long as they all know the rules. Just my .02.
If we can't get along, lets do what is best for the children.