Jim - First of all thank you for your comments. I have been reading through this post and was also surprised to see how upset people seem to become when first no one is volunteering then when someone does step up to the plate everyone seems to be just as unhappy.
Recoginze & admit board memebers felt as if their toes were stepped on. Understand that new blood will be energetic and will go 100% above what is needed in most cases. Ask what has this person done to motivate others? How can this energy be applied to grow your organization and be used to enhance the school for the kids? Take the high road, approach this person with all the great things they have done and ask how the bridge can be made (apologize if needed .. it's the high road) so that the greater good can be done for the children. Obviously the parent still wants to be involved (they are asking for open records) so I am betting they will also apologize or begin to see the board in a brighter light; be more willing to work closer with the board. Once you have a working tone begin to discuss their role in the PTO as a volunteer and how their skills are needed. Don't be afraid to discuss positively that all decisions should come to the board no matter how small they seem for their protection as well as the PTO's. Someone has to call a truce - let it be you - lead by example. Remember humans talk on a daily basis and those that are hurt speak in a louder voice to a larger group than those that are happy. Have good PR rather than bad.

As a president of an Elementary PTO I'm surprised about a few things. First, as others commented, that your Bylaws state that the Principal can fill open board positions. That is a problem to begin with and I would look at having the Bylaws reworded.

Also I always promote the fact that EVERY parent, guardian or staff member is automatically a member of the PTO and are encouraged to become active. This member seems like an ideal parent. She seems enthusiastic, energetic and will get things done. She just needs to be shown the way, and that is your job.

Now I know that you have tried to explain to her that what she is doing is not her job, because she is not a board member, but there has to be a better way to handle this. Do you really want to lose her? Why not try to make her a welcome part of your committee, instead of the overzelous outsider that she presently is. Now, at least in the PTO I am involved in, someone can be a coordinator of something without being a member of the Executive Board. Why not try to give her something where she can focus her energy?

You wrote:

"I told her that once again she is not on the board and she does not need to be calling parents to volunteer that that was my job."

This is also surprising to me. It may be due to the size of the school, etc., but I have a specific position for obtaininv volunteers that are needed for various functions. This position is called "Volunteer Coordinator". As President I am way to busy to have to be coordinating volunteers for all of the events and programs that we run. So why not give her that role? Make her the Volunteer Coordinator. It sounds as though she would be a great resource. She would probably always have enough volunteers, be there to help coordinate if needed and likely even send out thank you letters, which would make for an ideal Volunteer Coordinator.

Now my PTO has a rule that anything that gets sent home needs to have my (the President's) and the Principal's approvals first, and you can enforce this with her.

I don't mean to assume, but there does seem to be a little bit of an underlying theme that she is "stealing" some of you responsibility, but it doesn;t have to be that way. Truth is, I commend you on being so honest about this person, because you do paint her out to be a perfect active member of the committee, she's just overstepping her present bounds. I would say it's your job to not lose her and not offend her. Make her part of your group and I think you'll be happy with the end product.

-Jim

Please let us know the outcome of this. We have a similar situation with a mom. Can't we just all get along?

Glad to see it moving towards a resolution, please keep us updated (ones troubles and problems and soultions) it helps us all learn

not related to original question but alluded to here in posts
hehe Dad's are not the solution but a part of the process in all PTA/PTO's- glad to see others moving to inlcude all working and SAHM parents (some of us would like to think maybe we could be all/solve all - me included )

I'm a dad and have been on our board since my oldest was in kindergarden (now he's in 5th). And, pres 3 of those years.

Dads don't solve the problems, we bring a different perspective and like it was said above, we've got our own issues. But I think having dads are part of the board brings a strength that I notice is missing when I (and other dads that we have involved) are not there.

Like with anything, you need a good balance. Same with the PTO.

My husband is actually on the board, and he is so involved and helps all of us with everything. I would love to get more men on the board. We are meeting with this lady tomorrow and I think everything is going to work out just fine. I would love to have her on the board and I agree she would be wonderful as volunteer person. Thanks for all of your advice.