Justa--I'm wondering if reading Bayshore's posts helped you see her side of things any clearer? I agree with some of the others that they seem to feel they are being upstaged. Some people don't know how to work in a group and that is how they sound. How long have these people been running things? What was in place before they took over? People can be very defensive about their home territory, especially when a newbie comes in and starts telling them that something is wrong. Continue tackling the problem areas but be really sure to praise them in things they do well also. And remember to be just as outspoken with your praise. When you go to the meetings, tell them what they have done well and how as a parent, you appreciate their hard work for the school. If they feel like all you are doing is pointing out their every little mistake, they are certainly going to continue being defensive and hard to deal with. My granny always said you could catch more flies with honey than with lemons. (or something like that anyway Besides, Golden Bear is right, these are people that will be with you throughout your child's school life. You are right on the money with your questions, just make sure they know it isn't personal. It is about the welfare of the school.
Reconsider that president post. Regardless, don't let them run you off. Fight the good fight, it is for everyone's children!
I agree "Justa" that you have the right to ask questions and know where the money is going. If I were the Pres and married to the Treasurer I would be overly anxious to keep the financial records out there because of possible assumptions. I don't know what things are like in your area, but every time I turn around there are stories in our news about trusted, long term officers misappropriating funds. Not to say that's what is going on, but when you hold an office it is all about public perception.
Look...you came into this forum already on the defensive simply because you were referred to as "the crazy volunteer who thinks she is on the PTO". If I were you I certainly wouldn't appreciate that. But, just look back over the posts that came in before you even introduced yourself. People were not convinced after reading "Bayshore's" posts that you were doing anything wrong. Most people had the reaction that your enthusiasm should be utilized. In "Bayshore's" defense, maybe she just felt a little threatened that you were out to prove they weren't doing a good job. Not giving you the information you want may now just be a matter of principle on her part..."pulling rank", so to speak.
My point is that if both parties continue to use all their energy being on the defensive all the time, there is NO WAY you are doing these kids justice. If you truly have the best interest of the children at heart, then persevere. Don't buy into the games and the finger pointing. I have been in a similar situation in another organization I was in and it gets you nowhere. Do your best to not burn too many bridges because chances are you will have to work with these people for years down the road as your children attend the same school and become involved in the same activities. According to your posts there other parents that share your opinions and concerns. Let them step up and don't take so much heat upon yourself. Everything will work out in the end.
put 'relational agression' (one g or 2, i dont know) into the google search and you will also find some interesteing reading.
guys bully, the female version is called relational agreesion becuase the tactics used are differnt from the guys version. good luck to you!!awareness brings understanding brings peace.
bookworm;129332 wrote: Hey justa, some of your words caught my eye.....it might be the exclusion principle at work, sounds a bit like atight nit group that is not open to outsiders but of course this could be all wrong but it does sound like the clique mentality might be at play there in the dynamics of the pto world at your school. Here is some reading you might find interesting:
Mean Girls All Grown Up: Surviving Catty and Conniving Women by Hayley Dimarco
Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman
The bully the bullied and the bystander by collarusso
Anyway, you dont need to 'belong' or feel accepted, or hold a position, to contribute to your childs school experience. you can work with thye teachers and admin directly in your volunteer efoorts. Sometimes, its not even worth it playging the game 'their way' or finding a way to get accepted, I mean, you have to stay in the adult mode here, it shouldnt be so hard to volunteer at school.
You pay taxes, you have child at the shcool, help in whatever way you can directly and maybe avoid all the adult shenanigans and emotion. Your health will be for the better, most likely.
Dear Bookworm:
I think you have truly hit the nail on the head. One of my good friends told me almost the exact same thing this morning when she heard how bad I was/am stressing out over the issue.
And you are right my health would be a lot better if I were to avoid these shenanigans and emotional games. Thanks! It helps when someone outside the picture says it like it is.
I am definitely going to check out those books from our local library. The more insight the better and it will help me to not become the bully.
Hey justa, some of your words caught my eye.....it might be the exclusion principle at work, sounds a bit like atight nit group that is not open to outsiders but of course this could be all wrong but it does sound like the clique mentality might be at play there in the dynamics of the pto world at your school. Here is some reading you might find interesting:
Mean Girls All Grown Up: Surviving Catty and Conniving Women by Hayley Dimarco
Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman
The bully the bullied and the bystander by collarusso
Anyway, you dont need to 'belong' or feel accepted, or hold a position, to contribute to your childs school experience. you can work with thye teachers and admin directly in your volunteer efoorts. Sometimes, its not even worth it playging the game 'their way' or finding a way to get accepted, I mean, you have to stay in the adult mode here, it shouldnt be so hard to volunteer at school.
You pay taxes, you have child at the shcool, help in whatever way you can directly and maybe avoid all the adult shenanigans and emotion. Your health will be for the better, most likely.
Besides, Golden Bear is right, these are people that will be with you throughout your child's school life. You are right on the money with your questions, just make sure they know it isn't personal. It is about the welfare of the school.
