just in case you're checking...and I know you are....there's nothing new to add except that our meeting to "sort it out" is next week.

However, I've had some feedback to suggest I should ask for a vote for one president at that meeting. Something like....."the co-chair situation is not workable, so let's take a vote on who should be the leader". The suggestion was that a particular job could be created for the other party. What do you think?

I'm not sure if this is acceptable or not as we're only talking about a board meeting, not a general meeting. However, our by-laws are very minimal and don't even cover the situation of a co-chair in the first place.

good job.. i look forward to hearing the progress!

Rah Rah Ree Kick 'em in the Knee
Rah Rah Ras Kick 'em in the uummm Other Knee !!!

Does your PTO/PTA have or use job or officer descriptions for each title. I'd look into giving everyone a distinct set of descriptions

I agree the co-anything is hard... and getting checks and balances in place so everyone feels they know what their job is, what info (being in the loop) they need is difficult

I'm always up for a roadtrip,too :eek:

Karen,
I've got your back...just name the time and place and I'll be there to kick butt and take names.... [img]smile.gif[/img]

What a wealth of information...thank you all!

There's no doubt that whichever way you look at this, it is a difficult situation. Now for the facts....it is no longer hearsay...I know she is bad-mouthing me. I waited a day after we returned from Thanksgiving break and she didn't suggest any meetings, so on Tuesday I asked her if she'd like to catch up for a chat the next morning...she agreed....time, place etc.

She was 25 minutes late...on the school site but "out the back with another mom", so whether she forgot or chose to keep me waiting I don't know. I started the discussion (naturally!) by saying that I was concerned about some things I'd heard on the grapevine and that she didn't seem to be happy with the way things were going. She told me that "everybody was unhappy with me and didn't think they could approach me. And that "they" would only deal with her". When I asked "who" was unhappy and specifically what were they unhappy about, she couldn't name anyone - she actually said, "oh I don't know their names". She did tell me that some of these so-called unhappy people were on the board....I know this is NOT true as I have a good relationship with all of them and each of their actions seperately in the last 24 hours have demonstrated to me that they love what the PTO is achieving right now.

I got sick of her avoiding the question, so I finally said (sorry dlf & crewchief) that I had heard talk of a coup-de-etat and that anyone with a problem should come directly to me rather than go behind my back. She was dumbfounded that I knew....she didn't say a word then started to backpeddle saying she had been sitting on this information for a long time wondering whether or not to talk to me. It's all rubbish. However, I have stayed above it all....I didn't lose my temper and I now know she is a fruitloop and cannot be trusted to be rational. She told me that despite what the other board members were saying, I should learn to read faces...something she said she's very good at! She doesn't know that I taught bodylanguage and non-verbal behaviour for many years! I will not enlighten her since I also know that having a rational discussion is out of the question.

So, to the results; we are calling a board meeting with the purpose of defining specifically everyone's duties (I'm all for this) and at that time I will ask everyone to discuss any problems or complaints they have so far this year. We can then minute that everyone is happy so we've got documentation for when this raises it's ugly head again. She did say that she felt like she wasn't involved and wanted the "same information that I have". Of course I told her that her level of involvement is her responsibility and that I will not be blamed for that. As for having the same information I have....can't help there...we share the mail box...so whatever I see, she sees and vice versa. However, this is where I know that the comment about everybody not wanting to approach me is crap....if she thinks I have "all" the information and she's out of the loop, then evidently she also knows that people are talking to me about stuff! Go figure!

Later that day I talked to the Principal...I didn't really want to involve him...who needs to deal with bitching moms when you've got a school to run? Anyway, he's level, he's on my team and I respect him. He gave me some very good perspective. Two bits of info stick out for future use;
1. welcome to leadership, be aware of gossip but don't partake of it!
2. don't change anything...first you need to see what's really going on otherwise people will know that they just have to say they don't like you to get you to do their bidding.

I don't think it's over yet...but I'm still in the right so I'll hold on to that and then bring out the big guns....ademom74...if I get no resolution.

You guys have been awesome...thanks for listening again! Karenc

karenc , if true as noted (it still is just hearsay for you), the actions you describe are classic bullying tactics, more often found in middle aged school girls. you have to treat it as you would any bully. you must confront as suggested above or it will most likely only get worse. good luck. and remember, being the target does not mean youve done anything wrong, youre just perceived as weaker and therefore a convenient target. rise up to the rumormongering, confront, dispel, and say NO MORE. invite the principal to witness the exchange, stay adult and professionaland fact oriented.