You know I figured it was the ugly green jealousy monstor rearing its head. And if you have a strong personality then it will always be you seen as the leader of the team despite a co president. The fact that folks already recognize that this is about her and not about you is a good thing for you. That even strengthens your position to rise above this. I think, as you are planning, I would sit down and tell her that you've heard some things that lead you to believe that she might not be happy with the co president's position. I'd say up front (if this were me) that it's my nature to be "out there" and involved and the intent is not to outshine or take credit but to make sure that things are running smoothly so the entire PTO looks good. Reassure her, if you want to, that you don't care to take the credit, you want the PTO to take the credit. But make sure too that you are constantly deflecting credit for things to the whole and to other involved. Folks know who the leader is and who is behind things. I once got an annoymous flower delivery after the Holiday Event to "the man behind the curtain". Still not absolutely sure who it came from...but folks appreciate good leadership and always know that it is there when things are going right.
The real issue now is can SHE get beyond it. I'd tell her that you cannot change the way you approach things and if it isn't comfortable for her then you're willing to carve out a more secular role of responsbilities so she has her own niche. You could call her "President for Fundraising" or something like that. If you ask her to step down, the fireworks will start (or at least I predict they will). Us girls get our feelings hurt pretty quickly and that hurt turns to mean and ugly real fast. And God don't like ugly...it'll ruin a PTO.
Let us know!!!
d
Our bylaws specify that we can have "one and only one" president, specifically to avoid some of the problems you're facing. In other jobs, co-leaders can work, though there are real challenges. But at the top, in my opinion, no. The group needs to be steered by one captain, good, bad, or indifferent. If you look carefully at a successful co-chair situation, I believe you'll actually find a leader/subordinate relationship that is masking as an equal relationship. A true equal relationship means every decision must be a collaboration, even the most mundane. It's very inefficient - one each person worried about offending ther other person, or jumping ahead without her. People aren't sure who has the final say or who to approach with an issue.
Confront the challenges you're facing. You two need to lay out the responsibilties of the job and very clearly separate your duties. She might be feeling some of the strain, too. Who signs checks? Who runs the meetings? Who interfaces with the principal? Who approves the minutes? Who develops the meeting agenda? Once you agree on two separate job descriptions, you can move forward without fear of something falling thru the cracks or doing duplicate work. And next time, have more faith in yourself! You can do it!
Ok..well here's the latest. I went to school today quite prepared to follow the advice of crewchief & dlf. Unfortunately the timing was not good so we didn't get to talk. However, a school staff member took me aside to tell me that my co president had said some unpleasant things about me this morninig and she said that I was "getting all the credit" for the good things that have been happening. The staff member wanted to reassure me that I am doing a good job and didn't want to see me get upset & "leave". She didn't buy into the discussion with the co pres because she doesn't want to get involved...quite right really since she is staff and we (the co pres') are both parents that she has to deal with. I guess I now know that my secretary wasn't making it up. So tomorrow...I will still take your advice but I'm concerned that I won't ever be able to trust this person. Should I ask her to resign for her "un-presidential-like" behaviour?
Side note - when we were voted in, I actually won the vote but because I was concerned about the volume of work, I agreed to a co-presidency...silly me I know....but do I now have the right to pull rank and oust her?
Like the others already said - talk it out/figure it out before it gets worse.
I once agreed to co-chair the presidency of the PTO when no one person would step forward. Never again! I know it works well for some people but it was not a good experience for me. Both of us were friends, open-minded, willing to work and pitch in. But it just didn't work. I think it's a question of the individual situation and personalities.
Thanks guys...great advice. Since I do have the organization's best interests at heart I'm glad you highlighted it dlf otherwise I guess I might charge at her like a "bull at a gate" and that's probably going to put me in a bad light!! I think I'm going to talk with her in a positive way and see what response I get. I have had some inkling of this from her before though and I'm not entirely sure that she's stable...i.e. she does have a tendency to say one thing and then backpeddle later when she's called on it. For that reason I'll get the pal and the secretary to be involved and we'll try it as a friendly discussion. If that fails, well, I guess I'll be back for more advice. Thank goodness you were both there!
Karenc
As usual I agree with Crew Chief...The "presidential" thing to do is come at this as a "we need to work together" sit down. See what if any, issues are involved and then hopefully move forward. I know co presidents work well for a lot of groups but knowing my personality I don't think I could be one. Try to lose thoughts like "confront" and "two faced sneakiness"...you can stay in the absolute right this whole time by going at this as if your concern is for what's best for the organization.
You've got too much good going on right now to let this slow creeping disease start to tear up the group. Keep things positive and even if she says things that are way out take the opportunity to lay down what you think should be some constructive division of responsibilities so she doesn't feel that she is being outshined.
