hmmm. A zero tollerance policy for bullying by parent or offspring, resulting in the expulsion of the bully from the property and a special meeting to vote on their membership/position.

something to think about!

It wasn't just one tattletaling parent complaining to the principal. It was the rest of the board who had witnessed the event. I sincerely doubt that the offending member's testimony (especially since she admits her bahaviour) would have been effective in changing the votes.

The apology was nice, and I'm sure she's a nice person for the most part due the willingness of the group to continue working with her. But the role of president can be stressful, and no PTO needs a prez. with a short fuse. So the apology can, if offered to the entire group & principal, improve their view of her character, but I doubt it will win her the title back.

And if they had voted without the principal, who do you think wlovelace would have gone to first to protest...and would she have invited the whole group to give their testimonies? It wasn't the best way to deal with the situation, but then again, they didn't cause the situation and were put in the position to react to it, presumable without guidelines.

If there's no previous guidelines for dealing with this in their bylaws, and this group chooses to add a bad behaviour removal clause, and said clause requires inviting offending member to a special meeting to vote on their removal, and offending member is invited to make a statment to voting members first...

would this really have changed anything in this case?

and is wlovelace really the person who should press the issue of the bad behavior clause at this time?

I don't think so.

I loved your post, Phil. You are right on, the principal sets the tone, and expectations, for all, staff and parents alike. It is amazing how people do follow the pygmalion effect.

And, our school too has an anti bullying program at years start, ordered by the head of school.

ALthough there is a zero tolerance policy for bullying among kids, the prinicpal has a harder time managing and disciplining the VOLUNTEER staff, precisly becuase they are volunteers they are harder to manage (less controls in place, and no policies and procuedures) so the bullying program actually serves more than just the kids.

But actually, an organziation with good strong moral and ethical leadership, and one that gets the respect and admiration of its consituents, probably doesnt need bullying programs. Its when theres weak leadership, that the bullies feel free to act as they please.

A princial to simply believe hearsay and then take any kind of action, whetehre against a student, a tecaher, a parent or a PTO officer, without sitting down and hearing out all sides and getting to the FACTS first, and making an informed decision and fair decision, well is that someone yuo would want running your kids school?

What if a parent were to go to the superintendent with a report of what the principal said or did to him, would the super just fire the principal point blank based on a parent/s verbal input?

Originally posted by <a OK>:


"AHA!! wlovelace.....seems you were the object of personal politics, they love ya for being a worker bee, but just dont want you on the board!! It doesnt add up, does it, and theyve shown themselves to be less than honorbale by that action alone."

Just Curious, <a OK>, would it have been 'honorable' in your book to ignore cursing and verbally violent behavior from the future president...I think not! If wlovelace wants to put in her two cents, then she is free to do so at a PTO meeting in the form of a public apology and brief outline that she has made ammends with the other parent. They didn't owe her a say in her consequence, as it was in full view of all of the rest of the board. Even if the principal voted, he's one of how many votes? We're not on a PTO to run fair court trials. Bad behavior just needs to get dealt with swiftly and amicably so that the group can heal and focus on the job at hand.

Wow! I think we've lost touch with reality here...this is not about PTO regulations being followed. It's about bad behavior.

Bad behaviour in real life (for adults, kids, pets, ad nauseum) has consequences. If you really want this to be a lesson for your child, take your deserved lumps. Have the kids had to take any responsability for their mean behavior to one another?

Once you enter the 'out of control' zone you kind of lose the opportunity to have a say in your consequences, and are at the mercy of those in authority (or majority in this case). The yelling parents put the rest of the board in a very bad position. If no precedent stands in your group, then you have no right to question their decision or manner of reaching said decision under the duress that you caused. Just the fact that you slept so well seems to indicate that you are oblivious to how your behaviour affects those around you.

You did the right thing in apologizing and making up with the other parents (Mom, Dad and child I hope). But if you are justifying your words, but not the yelling of them, then you are justifying your anger. I don't think anger is ever constructive, even if you think the other person 'deserved' it. This has turned into a 'mean (grown up) girls' episode, when it should have been dealt with as an episode with the 'mean' kids privately. You are first, foremost and directly responsible for raising your own child. No PTO business is more important that parenting, especially if your kid is being mean, destructive, obnoxious, or disrespectful (all of ours can be this at times, and boy can they pick their moments!). This calls for immediate parental intervention and some sort of negative consequence for the kid...not the parents!

As far as the 'mule/workload' issue, at least they think enough of you to extend opportunities for you (and your child) to interact and enjoy PTO activities. It is a priveledge to be welcomed into the school (some principals don't welcome any parent involvement) and especially back into a group where you've showed your heiny. If you enjoyed your activities, then there's no real reason to stop doing them just because you lost the priveledge and trust of a leadership position. If your child has household chores, and a priveledge....lets say they're going to get to go to the movies, and their behaviour causes them to lose their priveledge (which they should have no say in), do you still expect them to be a part of the household team and do her 'chores'? Of course! She's still part of the team/family. As an adult, you have the opportunity here to choose your own chores. Let's not pout. It's your committment to the kids (all the kids) and the school that got you into this. If you're still committed, then keep on going. It will take a big dose of humility to go about it with the right attitude.

I might volunteer to do the babysitting a few nights at the meetings so that I could keep an eye on my kids interaction and friendship skills. This would say a lot about your character, and show your child that you mean business...and oh, how you should mean business with bullying behaviour.

If you ever do regain your position of president in time, keep a sense of humor...add a bad behavior removal clause as the first order of business. Just to clarify your position.