Writermom, don't walk away because I guarantee if you let her step in and take over, she'll pull the event down, and when it's not a success she'll blame who else but you and your husband.

Writermom, been there-last year-and done that. Try to stick with her but don't get pulled into doing the work and letting her take it over. Tell her if she wants you do get everything ready, then you want to be in charge fo the event to see it through as she was not a part of the planning process and doesn't have the full picture. Both of you can come to my school.

I hear you guys. I was a marginal member of PTO for many years, and last year we had a new president. She alienated so many people that many people quit, and she only had one other officer. Maybe three people tops went to meetings--including my husband and me. I was never once asked to volunteer for anything, but boy did I hear her complain when no one volunteered for anything!

We had no just for fun events last year, our fall festival--the big findraiser--lost money, so I decided I'll step up this year and take an officer position, so I am VP.

Well,now I see why she had no officers last year. We are two weeks away from our fall festival.I have worked my butt off getting silent auction donations, my husband got monetary donations from companies to pay for a nice catered dinner instead of the usual hot dogs, we have way more and way better auction items this year. So far the president has done nothing. She wanted a cakewalk so bad so we told her fine, she could do it, we all already had our hands full. Two weeks out--she has 24 cupcakes and wants us to bake some cakes, as we offerred to do a month ago! Sorry, too busy now! Yesterday she swooped in with several emails saying we had too many auction items, the minimum bids are too low, she is going to handle the food from here on out, etc.

My Dh and I have had it. You don't leave all the work to other people and then come in and try to control everything--especially when what you did last year LOST money!! We are doing a great job, the school secretary has commented on it, the teachers have commented on it. The only one unsatisfied is the president, and of course, the principal, but this is her first year and she is scared it will fail since we are doing a new dinner and a bigger and better auction.

I am ready to turn the whole thing over to the prez and watch it fail, Dh is too, but he has already raised $500 to finance the dinner and doesnt want to see her blow it. I am also ready to quit after this. I don't care about credit, it's not that, she is just too difficult to work with and I am tired of being stressed and angry. She doesn't respect me because I am only a housewife (she has told me this in so many words) even though I have a Master's degree (which she does not know about) and stay at home by choice, and she works. (I also work as a freelance writer and have been published in numerous places as well as doing business writing--I am no dummy is my point). However, whatever my husband says, she is all ears, because he has a political job and is well connected, and therefore deserving of respect.

Today DH is going to send her an email telling her how we feel in much nicer terms than I would, and it will mean much more coming from him than me. Maybe that will help, maybe not.

I am sick of the whole thing and ready to quit until next year, as she will no longer be on the board.

Thanks for letting me rant.

It took almost 2 years before I felt like I could attend a meeting and not be asked "what are you doing here." The sad thing is, I have spent 3 years begging people to help. I've had more luck getting people who having no connection to our school to help more the the parents of the 475 students we have. There is one other mother who I talked into helping me 2 years ago.
I think it was so hard to get involved for so long, that no one wants to try anymore. We also have a volunteer coordinator who is not part of our group-don't ask-and when I try to ask for volunteers, I'm made to feel like I am stepping on her toes, even though she isn't doing anything to help our group. Honestly, when I don't have time to do this anymore, I'm worried that we won't have events that aren't required by our additional funding that are just for fun, not to raise money.
I know this wasn't your direction, but people tell me they always see me, and I want to say, well why are you sitting there watching me work instead of helping me. If you would like to move to Kansas, I would love to have you at my school. I love doing new things, I'm just getting burned out on doing all the work and listening to people complain. When, honestly, I would rather be at home with my kids than working with parents who feel like they are being forced to spend time with their children. And to be honest with you, I feel like I know more of our students names than the principal and most parents don't know the name of the person teaching their child. Sorry, I think it must be getting on that time of year when we are getting frustrated over the stuff that we can't ever seem to change and the stupid stuff that gets in the way of our jobs being fun.

This is more of a "vent" thread on my part, but the question remains:

How to change the status quo?

Same story--always the same people running the same events. No new blood. Member enrollment is way down. However in our case it's the leadership, or lack thereof.

The alpha females have managed to alienate the general population over the years (only choosing their friends, not following the rules, not being friendly, not doing anything that would draw people in), so anyone who's been around for a while doesn't bother signing up. Why should they? They only get called when: a)there's some sort of mishap and they're desperate, or b)they need someone to do the grunt work, and then they call you about a day or two before.

We have a LOT of new blood coming in and they actually offer to help. However, with the less than winning personalities of the alpha females, the newbies are too intimidated to speak up or just don't want to be bothered with attitude, and since they really aren't truly welcomed, they get turned off (good example--meeting today--new member attended and not ONE person introduced themself, asked for an opinion or even acknowleged the person, except me, of course, because I'm just so perfect ). As with the "older generation" of parents they don't see anything actually being done for the kids or families. Sure--we have the occasional educational evening program or Bike Rodeo, but nothing to really give people the feeling they're a part of something, let alone something that's worth supporting.

The alphas yammer on and on about "supporting our children and school" and how that should be enough, but it's just rhetoric with nothing behind the words.

Not helping is the current administration--the principal is enamored with the alphas--they all fear her and don't dare to cross her. What she "asks" for she gets. It's her way or no way, and she makes sure you know it.

What I find infuriating is the self-made martyrdom. The constant bitching that no one helps or cares. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy they've created for themselves, yet everyone else is to blame. You try to point out that maybe we need to look at what we're doing--because it's obviously not working. You're told ,"Oh no--it doesn't matter what you do. Trust us, we know."

Anyone who tries to deviate is soundly thrashed, and permission to try something new is almost never given. I have those who agree with me, but the problem is getting them to actually fight the good fight. Either they feel the problem is insurmountable or they just don't want the aggravation.

Sound familiar?