Interesting thread! Some very good points made throughout.


MetzyMom is right in her l.p., in my opinion. My mother was not a PTA mom either. She didn't bake cookies, chaperone field trips or anything else. But it doesn't make her a bad parent. She just had other things going on in her life that, quite frankly, were no one else's business. But luckily and thankfully, I don't have those things in my life, and I am able to be there for my children in that capacity (and many others).

So now I am slowly figuring out that there are parents in my area (and elsewhere) who simply are not going to come to family functions, parent/teacher conferences, open house, Sports Day, or any other school related function...for a myriad of reasons (and/or excuses). I am also figuring out that there are an awful lot of parents who would gladly participate in such things, if only we held more of them...so we are trying.

Some folks are just plain shy, while some don't think it is their "thing". Some parents truly are busy with jobs and other family committments, while some are simply self-absorbed. Some get in it to pat themselves on the back (over and over and over), while others get in it to pat the kids on the back. I've seen divorced fathers who no longer live with their children participate more in school than the mother who spends all her time trying to figure out how to keep the children from him. Aunts and uncles of students who are unable to have children of their own get involved just to be "part of it all" because they want nothing more.

One of the biggest obstacles we face in our area (and others around the country I am sure) is misinformed and uneducated parents. We have a lot of farmers and watermen, other blue-collar workers and a long, long welfare roll. Poverty is very high here, and so is ignorance. Alot of folks don't even have a ninth grade education, let alone a diploma. Now, that is changing with the children (our drop-out rate has steadily declined in the last ten years alone) but even with nearly free adult education programs, there is an alarmingly high number of parents without a high school diploma or equivalent (not that a diploma makes you smart).

So how do you convince parents that their presence in their child's education is important when they (and their parents) didn't care enough to see that they finished their own? How do you expect someone to help their child with algebra if they can barely add and subtract? So for the children's sake, in addition to being in their classrooms and hallways at school, we also volunteer as tutors, mentors, babysitters, and run after school programs.

* * * * * * * *

Old rivalries, family feuds, selfishness, racism, ignorance, socio-economic status...

It's maddening...and saddening. We have been banging our heads against a wall that doesn't seem to budge.

It has caused us to really rethink the definition of "involvement". :confused:

-Jessica

God knows I can't resist being the devil's advocate, but I don't think in terms of giving parents a grade. I don't think in terms of giving them excuses, although it makes it much easier for me to accept their lack of involvement. My mother was never a 'kid' kind of person, probably shouldn't have ever been a parent, except that she was. My sister is a lot like her. They both love their children, they both want educations for their children, they neither one have the capacity to be a volunteer, and certainly not one where children are involved. I myself often have problems dealing with 'bad' children, having to hold my breath and count to ten. Whereas I am able to get past it, neither of them can. Does that make them uncaring? Lazy? "F" grade parents? I don't think so. My sister gets her kids up every morning, gets them fed, gets them into the car (they live at the top of a mountain where no school bus dares to travel...lol) and gets them to school every day. She hunts for a job while they are at school. She picks them up from school, helps them with their homework, feeds them, enjoys them, reads to them, helps them brush their teeth and puts them to bed. She literally is doing the best she can with the skills she has. Not that it is anyone at the school's business if you know what I mean. I think we just have to figure out what works in our respective area, get as many people involved as we can, and be thankful that we have the skills, the time and the gumption to be involved as heavily as we are. Sometimes we just have to be thankful that some people are even able to get their children to school every day and leave it at that. Sure, there are those that just don't want to help out, but again, I'm not completely convinced that that is any of our business. Count your blessings and quit being negative when and where you can. I find it helps keep me sane.

Love all the Posts Tim... I could not agree with you more. I have been trying to stop & realize that some people may not volunteer at the school, but who knows they might have a really valid reason like travel for work, s sick child/sibling, or a million other reasons. Also there are parents who really can not handle much commitment. My freind Heather, takes her kids to school events, 1 or 2 times a year works in their class, and that is all she can do, that is all she can handle anymore and she would be a nervous wreck!

Then their is the personality type like my... crazy doing PTA, scouts, soccer, swim team, site council & more, but you know what I would be board and unhappy doing anything else!! HA HA!!
The goal is findinga balance & finding ways to let everyone who wants to be involved feel welcome!!! Imagine how crazy a PTA meetings would be with all 450 parents anyways!! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]smile.gif[/img]

Did this turn out to be an interesting thread or what? I think that we can all agree that it isn't necessarily laziness that stops parents from attending. I think we can all agree, even Dad, that 'Presidential Agendas' are not necessarily the reason, that current and past presidents are not/were not always rude. That parents are uncaring is not necessarily a reason. I think we can all agree that we all feel very passionately about trying to make new parents feel comfortable at meetings, even when they don't, or better yet, can't attend. I think that with few exceptions, we, especially the members of this site, are in this rat race called PTO for the right reasons. The Children. Pure and simple. I believe we all have to try to find out what will work for our respective schools and communities and then put what works into practice. That we need to make sure that the PTO Experience is the best we can make it for everyone who wants to be involved, who can be involved and who wishes they could be involved. Remember, just because you can't see them physically, it doesn't mean they don't want to be involved. We just have to strive to find ways to include them. I doubt seriously that anyone sends their children to school without the hope that they are getting an education. If we can find ways for them to help, whether it be cutting, sewing, phone calls, whatever, I believe that they will help, when they have the time. It is up to our various PTO Boards to find something that fits everyone's time schedule restraints... God knows, there is plenty of work to go around!

:eek:

[ 08-01-2002: Message edited by: TheMetzyMom ]</p>

WOW....just a few thoughts!
With our charter school, you are encouraged to volunteer but not required. The other school in the district requires so many hours of volunteer work from each parent. Many of our new parents are coming from the other school to ours because it's not that they don't want to be involved in the school it's finding/making the time. As one mom said " By the time I get off work, run three kids to soccer, football, piano lessons, homework, dinner, and with luck a load of laundry I'm lucky to have an hour to myself before midnight!" It's not that our parents don't want to be involved or they are lazy (well, most of them aren't) it's time that is the biggest issue! We all know why we are involved (I enjoy the people I get to meet and helping the kids) and whatever the reason, parents are going to do what they can do.