My motto is "When all else fails, make a list". If you have a point/counterpoint style list, you will be less likely to get flustered when speaking to your VP. In one column, put your concerns & specific instances. In another, put your reasonings & your back-up ( articles from your bylaws etc.)
Example:
At every meeting I have had to stop her from taking over. - I have tried to implement Roberts Rules, but she absolutely will not respect the board or proceedure. - (Relevant section of RRO ).

Write everything down- dates you requested financial info, her response, etc. If you have ammo, your points will be more effective.

Thanks to everyone for your input. I've stepped back a bit but haven't quit yet. I am getting our paperwork in order and organized (something that was never done before) and deligating a few extra items out to parents so I don't feel so overwhelmed. The note about talking to her in front of the rest of the board peeked my interest. This might be what I need to do. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to quit, but I have been so overwhelmed with it all that I'm grasping at straws to regain my sanity. Perhaps I will ask the principle to set up a meeting with him. hmmmm......

jta,

You have been empowered to lead the group.

You have to choose whether or not to do that.

You need to stand up to this person and fix the group. Noone else can.

If you don't the group suffers. If you resign, the group suffers.

Sadly, as the leader, some people will push you to the point where you need to hurt feelings. The sooner you do, the better it will turn out.

jtababy - I agree with the other resonses posted. You should NOT quit. It sounds like your group is going through many changes and you are just the type of person to lead them through the transition period.

Regarding the VP, I again agree with everyone else. She should not have the type of hold over this group that she's been allowed to have so far. I understand strong personalities and that face-to-face discussions can be difficult with some people. However, this is a team. She needs to be a team player. It's ok for differing opinions to be presented during the discussion process but once a decision is made there needs to be a united front. If she cannot publicly support her team she should consider bowing out and letting another person take her place.

You didn't say, exactly, but I'm guessing she's the former president who met term limits and needed to step into another role to stay involved. Perhaps she thinks she's crafty enough to lead the team without being the official leader. If that's the case, it's up to you to let her know that you're the new sheriff in town, so to speak and assist her in understanding the VPs role on the executive board.

And good for you for standing up for the Secretary and Treasurer. They are valuable members of the executive board and should not be "just" anything, as your VP tried to state.

[ 10-29-2006, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: CrewChief ]

Wait, wait, wait!! Even though she is a board member & thinks she runs the show, she is still only ONE person. I think an executive session needs to be held & she needs to be set straight. She needs to understand that the rest of the board will not tolerate her undermining of the group. You need to take control here. Do your bylaws have provisions for the removal of an officer? I know it is not something that anyone wants to deal with, but if she is withholding financial information, that could have a serious impact on your group. If the rest of your board is in agreement that she is out of line, then you all need to put her on notice that you won't tolerate it any longer. Be sure to give her a chance to defend her actions/state her case, though. You don't want her to be able to turn this around on you & say she was treated unfairly. She sounds like the type of person who gives parent groups a bad name~she is not involved to help the kids, it is a power trip. (IMO) As long as she is allowed to alienate other parents, there will be disharmony in this group, no one will want to be involved, and in the end, the kids will lose out. Nip it!

writermom is absoutly right. Make sure everything: email, conversations etc are cc or done in the presence of someone else. You want to make sure that what you say isn't misquoted.