Thank you MetzyMom - I had thought about contacting the PTA person at their former school, but felt like it was a bit tacky. Maybe that would help.

You are right, an affair is what people suspect. Within a week of their arrival, people were asking me if the Dad was her boyfriend. This conclusion was based on what people saw at school. The reality is that she's getting a divorce, and he's still married.

Our school is very small, and has been through alot the last couple of years - this seems like one more thing that has created distance and distrust.

Thank you all for your comments - I do appreciate your input! Just being able to put my concerns in words has made the situation less daunting.

I'm going to try this from different points:

First, as long as this man has a child in the school, it shouldn't matter who his friends are.

Second, who has time and energy to be both Site Council AND PTO pres...lol...? I think there are some people in this world who are truly amazing people with one thing in mind: to do the best for children. I think as long as this gentleman is looking out for ALL children, and he somehow has the time and energy to do both, and it isn't going against any bylaws, More Power To Him. If it goes against the bylaws, well then, let him know that he can't do both. I don't think he should anyway, but that is up to what is in your bylaws.

Third, I get the feeling that there may be an affair, or some sort of outside relationship, going on. On this, and this alone, I might have issues (for both of them). If there is any hanky panky going on, I would have trouble simply because in a town as small as mine, everyone knows who is sleeping with whom. I think that (MichelleB- back me up here...lol...) it is up to the adults in charge, whether it be a principal or PTO leader, Site Council pres, or whomever, to conduct themselves as examples to the children they serve. If they're just dating and not doin' the dirty, I say "Lord, I hope love blooms and grows". Have them over to dinner at your house and get to know them. It might be true love and not just some dirty dancing...

Fourth, use this guy's ideas, pick his brain on how to build your group. What kind of group did they have before at the old school? Find out from them both. I'd love to have the pres and principal from a different school bring all their ideas from another school (only if I had to do without our current principal... wouldn't give her up for anything.. but if I had to...)! Shoot, they've already done it and worked all the bugs out at another school! PICK THEIR BRAINS!!!

Fifth, Still feeling wary? Call up the old school PTO leader and ask. Was this an ugly situation where they had to leave? Or were they sorry as hell to see them go? It isn't spying, it is good business sense.


Good Luck!

While I can see your fears in this situation I would urge you to keep an open mind. Perhaps I can offer you another way of looking at this.

I am an involved father (working) and still find time to serve on our PTO. Since our school opened in 2001 I have served as our first president and then for two years as fundraiser. Next year we are also getting a new principal and I will again serve as president. I am also the current chairman of site council (elected) at our school.

I don't see a conflict in serving on both PTO and site council (however, I will step down as chairman) since both must work together to fully fund a school. I think that if the person is ethical it can be a great asset.

My suggestion is to talk with and share your concerns with this father. The reaction you get will tell you if your concerns are groudless. I would never be offended by and actively seek the input of parents and staff.

Good Luck!

Thanks for the welcome, and for the feedback!

I agree completely on the more involved parents the better, and I really hate that I feel confronted with this situation.

I think the general feeling is that the two of them are "involved." So, on the one hand, we have a potential PTO president that will have no trouble getting access to the Principal. On the other hand, the Principal has another excuse to avoid interacting with other parents.

As for getting someone else - I don't think we can even get enough people together to form a complete board of four officers. The last couple of years have been really tough for our school, and many parents are choosing to enroll their kids elsewhere.

Anyway - thanks so much for letting me put my worries into words! It doesn't seem quite so scary when you write it out!

LOL, to me it sounds like a winning situation as everything our PTO decides on has to be approved by our principal LOL. It would be good for us to have "in's" with the principal so that what we want to do gets approved LOL

I have been blessed with a great relationship with our Principal and this past year she hired two new Asst Pric. My first encounter with one was a polite introduction and then she commented on how I didn't look like such a mom for the meeting.

Anyway

I am planning a meeting this summer with the Principals (the Assts were promoted) and hope that this can smooth over some things. Do you feel comfortable letting him know your curious about their friendship? How long have they know each other, etc. I guess I have a hard time seeing conflict of intrest.