Pomom, not really sure if you read the whole post because if so, you would see that we were questioning peshep in what the concerns might be. This is a very real issue for their school, rumor mill or not. None of us here have taken the position that what these two people are doing is wrong because we can only go on what we are told. We don't know for sure if they are doing anything and that is why we say, IF.
We are told that an affair is suspected by parents at the school. That is a fact according to peshep. Parents are concerned- fact. Principal is getting a divorce, the man is still married- fact. If you read my posting again or Metzy's, you will see that we've given an answer to both sides of the coin. Devil's advocate. People don't do that when their minds are made up.

but how is this really going to affect either party from performing the task-at-hand?

Good question and I think we've addressed it but let me try this from a different angle. If this parent is too close to the principal, he may be more inclined to work for what she wants as opposed to what your parent group wants and hanky panky aside (if there is any) this parent is already serving on a major committee at the school, very close to the principal and now the PTO? Besides being stretched rather thin, he is serving in different areas that may not always agree. Which will he represent when the opinions are opposing?
If there is an issue of an affair, right or wrong, they set an example. If that is the case, and again, we don't know for sure so we need to cover all the bases if peshep is seeking guidance- present both sides of the coin so to speak- then no one is stating that because of the affair they won't be good leaders but rather, right or wrong, the rumor mill is spinning there. That doesn't happen all by itself. Usually it's the actions of someone that starts it. They then have to ask themselves if they are behaving appropriately.
We are talking about the PRINCIPAL- leader of the school and a major authority figure to our children and a PTO PRESIDENT- another authority figure that children will become very familiar with. I want those who are in charge of my children to set a good example in behavior, especially when it is expected of them to do the same.

If this guy is moving into this volunteer position for the right reasons (the children and school), then who are we to judge.

Sure but do you really know if he is doing it for the right reasons?? Bad people slip into VOLUNTEER positions of power all the time. Many of the groups that post here or at the PTA boards have had one experience or another where the following officers have had to perform a lot of make-up work to better the image of the group all because someone has done something to tarnish it. Why not address the problem before it is a bigger problem, especially when there is much controversy surrounding them already? This isn't unprovoked concern and should be addressed in some manner. It's not focusing on the negative, it's protecting your group and your children from possibly damaging actions. It has already started, I think the horse is already running.

Wow! :eek: After reading this thread from beginning to end, I feel that most of the posters have already played into any supposed "rumor mill" and hung these two out to dry. Does anyone really know the facts? Let's face it, people love a good soap opera, but how is this really going to affect either party from performing the task-at-hand? If this guy is moving into this volunteer position for the right reasons (the children and school), then who are we to judge. :confused: Why focus on the negative? It seems as though the majority of you have put the cart before the horse!

I still say the easiest way to find out if there is a real or imagined problem is to call the old school. The thing that bothers me is that two major participating families left a school at the same time, end up in a different school together, are already rumored to be having an affair...etc. What are the chances this is all just a coincidence? I just think it would be good business sense to find out. Either way. At least then you'll know what you are dealing with all the way around. I think that if it were happening to either this gentleman or the principal, and they were the ones on your end, you'd better know they would check YOU out... That came out screwy, but you know what I mean. Better safe than sorry. If they aren't having an affair, great. If they are, you'd better start looking for a way to deal with it. Either way, you really should find out for sure. The answer is a phone call away.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. In this case, however, you already have too many funky coincidences.

The moral thing is a real issue for me in the case of elementary school children especially. I wouldn't even let my grown sister and her fiance sleep in the same room when they came to town. I explained to them that we've explained to our children that sex comes after marriage. I'm really not a prude (my daughter lived with her fiance for years, and I had no problem with it at their home), I just think kids have a hard enough time making the right choices... and elementary students are so impressionable...

Whatever you do, Good Luck!

Metzy--you're too much! I'm so dense I didn't even consider the opposite sex factor! And I'm usually a little more detail oriented than that!

I hate it when people potentially s where they eat--I still don't see any problems UNLESS they have a falling out (and you KNOW they will). THEN what happens? How professional can all parties remain?

If I were you I'd be very nervous as well. That kind of nonsense is usually a real turn off for people who might normally be interested in getting involved. I mean, my or anyone else's morals aside, it really shows poor judgement on BOTH their parts. Even IF they aren't involved, the fact that people are questioning their relationship doesn't speak too well of their behavior. It doesn't take much to see how out of control things could potentially get.

Wow. That went a different direction since I last checked.

I agree, stick with the Facts, it's staying on top of the other things that will get you in trouble. And, weather you agree with it or not with what they are doing personaly (if they are having an affair or whatever it is), are they still working in the best interest of the kids and doing a good job at it?

I know that in our school, there are personal conflicts between the people on the board (a variety of reasons, but I dont' think affairs are any of them), but they are still good hearted people trying to improve things. And, I still encourage them to.

Okay, Metzy, I'm backing you up. Absolutely, we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard as leaders. We are the example to not only our children but future leaders as well. Everyone is watching.
My response has changed a little with this new information. I still think anyone and everyone who wants to help is welcome and anyone nice enough (crazy enough?) to step in and take on a position of such responsibility is an asset.
However, it's getting a bit deeper now, isn't it?
This person is already serving in one capacity. Great, we all know that those that do the heavy work tend to do it in a lot of other places as well. (Cub scouts, girl scouts, yadda, yadda, yadda) But, the principal is getting a divorce and this man is MARRIED? Are we talking still committed or separated? Has there already been some inappropriate behavior or is it just that it's a small town and the fact that they moved there together that's getting the rumor mill running?
This is obviously a delicate situation. Perhaps to keep the peace on all fronts, you nicely suggest that this dad get his feet wet with involvement by heading up a committee and perhaps hold off on the President position for another year. Besides, "it's such a huge responsibility what with his other activities that he may not realize how much free time he will actually have" [img]smile.gif[/img]
I hate to run off any volunteers and I definitely don't think that's what you should do, but as a President or VP or any board member, we're being watched and if we can't live up to the standards that are expected of us, perhaps it's better to lay low until you can.
Calling the past PTA leaders would be okay but being that there are other issues here and if they may be friends of the mother (if they are separated), you can't guarantee you would get a fair and honest interpretation of his abilities. Only time would show that for sure.
Regardless of what you decide, you need to stay out of the rumors though. You too, need to set an example. Try to stick with the facts.