unr;133694 wrote: some schools have eliminated parent volunteers ...........I wonder why

yep. . . of course, in a private school like ours, eliminating parent volunteers could be a death toll--those that do for the right reasons do a lot--and we have a heavy mandate, too. We have to raise $750/family just to keep our tuition affordable and do the things we do. I also loan out a lot of my professional time and talent to help with things they'd pay a fortune for if they had to hire someone.

But a few bad apples. . absolutely. . where are the rules to govern this type of behavior? We have parent codes of conduct to protect coaches and players from overzealous parents in the stands--why can't these codes extend to those of us in leadership roles? If you threaten, berate or treat someone rudely at a school event (and one screamed and verbally threatened three of us walking out of the event she claims to have been berated at), they could be banned from participation. Officers have a lot of responsibility--shouldn't they be afforded some protection under the school's umbrella? When I was getting harassing calls at home, I was told my only option would be to hire my own lawyer and proceed that way--the school couldn't do anything to stop them. Do other schools stand by their officers or do they do the same thing--tell them if it doesn't happen on school property (the parking lot doesn't count, either--and that's where a lot of this occurs), or if does and a school employee didn't witness it, then it doesn't matter?

some schools have eliminated parent volunteers ...........I wonder why

DLF--

I appreciate your thoughts. .yes, there is a lot of emotion--not just from me, but from others. Ultimately, as long as they're in the school, whether families are involved with HSA or not, this trio tends to create problems. . .

I have found friends outside of those involved in HSA--they stay uninvolved for this reason. But that's the big issue--because this trio continues to be so involved, one of the trio for 10 years (one kid graduated, one is in a much younger grade--as are the rest of the trio's kids), they scare off participation from others, and pat themselves on the back for the fact that "we do everything, where are the other parents?" As I'm learning, it's to stay clear because of them. When people know they're not going to be involved in something, we get more participation--isn't that sad?

To give you an idea--the longest member's first child had 26 students originally in her class (we have one class per grade--small school). When they graduated, there was 9--why? There was supposedly this "bullying" issue between the girls early in middle school--turns out, it was actually this mom stirring the pot. The other parents had enough and pulled their kids. This year, there was an issue in the class the youngest is in--it wasn't any of this woman's business, but guess who ended up make it the "cause du jour" and pitting members of this class against one mom who she doesn't care for?

I've had moms with kids in the oldest's class and moms with kids in the younger child's class come forward to me this year with stories--none of these moms even know each other and, yet, the stories are IDENTICAL--just 8 years apart. I even had anonymous letters mailed to my home warning me about this person--my reaction to that was one of . . if you can't tell me in person, I don't want it. But still--lots of people are trying to get the message accross.

I guess my issue is--we have a zero tolerance for bullying between students--but parents need to accept being bullied by other parents> Not just--"I'm not speaking to you" snubs, but harassing phone calls, purposeful ignoring requests at a field trip to move over so a child could get through--because it wasn't one of their children, this child had to be lifted over their legs. . you get the picture. . I feel angry that the schools can't do more to protect those of us who are actually making efforts to do good. This should never be accepted.

CLL--you have a ton of emotion behind your email and I'm sure that is draining to both you and your group. Perhaps September is a time to refocus on the positive of what you are accomplishing and figure out some clever ways to shut down the opposition. One is to "invite" them for their opinions when they seem to be trying to create drama. The other is to minimize the drama by not jumping on that train. Make sure everyone knows that you are absolutely approachable and be as friendly and welcoming to as many (even the bad guys) so that you can quash any thoughts that they have any control. You know the enemy, now you just have to disarm them by smiling and putting out the friendly PTO hand to disarm them. It is very tough--but I've never seen folks gain in credibility when you dismiss their importance to the people that trust you. And they do trust you cause "you da man" by their vote. So...take all that frustration out of your gunny sack. Everyone knows that you are dragging it around behind you. Then put on your best attitude and smile...and when someone says "so and so" says "yada yada" just say very kindly "My goodness where ever did she get an idea like that" without mention as to her own pigheadedattitude, and take away any importance she has. She will fade, or be dismissed into the "almost none club" as far as her credibility.

Good luck
d

focus on your kids and their education, and let the adult games go on without you. fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me, dont konw who said it
sounds like it might all amount to a hill of beans and not worth your time figuring out or wasting any more energy on. you dont have to be on the board of the hsa to contribute to your childs education.
find friends outside that group, and distance yourself from that group.
The Four Agreements is a good book.

beignets;133675 wrote:
and as to your question, the only person that can answer that is the head of your school, since they know the rules about pariticipation and also are the enforcers of them.

Yeah and he's leaving, I think in part because of them. . they've attacked him horribly, too. He's been more than willing to say--"where do you want me to send your child's transcript? Obviously you're not happy here." But he can't---he can't punish their kids. But he can leave to go somewhere that pays more, which he's doing. We all can leave, too. . but the point is, the education IS good, and we don't want to punish our children by pulling them out.

These three are a bit like the kid who sits in class, looks sweet for the teacher, then pokes another child under the table to make him cry and the teacher yells at the crier. With these three, they skate by because they step up to the crossing line, but never actually cross it--at least not to the point that anyone can do anything about it. And they know who to be nice too, who they can put on the "perfect" volunteer/it's all about the kids face for, and who they can attack. They played me for a very long time and, while I had some suspicions, I couldn't believe they were all that bad until someone else came along and quietly filled me in with some background information and facts that proved what my gut was telling me. Then I started to see how all this talk about being supportive and wanting to do so much was that--all talk. I noticed how they'd show up at events AFTER all the work was done, but be front and center for the pictures. How what work they did do, they made it sound like it was 10 times harder than it actually was, and told EVERYONE how much work it was. . and quit or threatened to quit when someone they didn't like was around. . forcing me to try to be peace keeper. If only I'd let them quit sooner, I would have known that it was no great loss. The one in particular--she made it sound like the on-going fundraiser she chaired was soo time consuming. . then one day (the night she got called out by the priest in fact), she decided to inform me RIGHT BEFORE AN EVENT that she was quitting, effectively immediately, wouldn't give a reason, just a smirk. .and a "got it? I'm done." Found out that I could do what she spent hours on in 10 minutes. . I should have let her quit a lot sooner. . especially since I was able to replace her with someone 10 times more cooperative within days.

I kept my cool, kept my cards close to the vest, and slowly and respectfully began to distance myself from them once I found out what was going on. But my growing disgust started to creep out one day when I went to meet with one of them on a non-HSA related deal at her home (I tried to make it more neutral, but her kid just happened to be sick and we couldn't keep postponing the meeting) and the other two HAPPENED to drop by and a number of little comments were made that I knew were an attempt to get me to step into something. I stayed very quiet and focussed on what we were supposed to be doing and only commented on things I'd previously and publically commented on before. My tip off-- They were just "glowing" with positive comments about people they'd dissed before--and were talking about how they wanted to run for offices--just weeks after telling me they wanted to limit there activities at school to spend time with their families after the next year's president was named. . hm. . something smells fishy here. They were a little too prepared here. I knew it was a setup and vowed NEVER to let her do that to me again; the next time, because it was to meet for something HSA-related, I turned the tables and insisted we meet at school--and made the meeting in the principal's office, with him present. She was not too happy about that--and after that. .well. .

They're not going away. . I'm not going away. . I'm not playing the game, but I'm not putting up with it, either. . . .

The incoming president has already come forth and said that if things aren't controlled, she's out. . the pastor has already said he will never apologize. . the incoming principal has stated they're not going to run roughshod over anyone. Let's see what happens. . .,