Hi Firstlady,

I write this post, as a VP, to a male President, with an all female executive board. It sounds like you didn't really come here for advice, but to find more PTO/PTA folks to agree with you. I'm fairly new to PTO Today, but in my short time on the boards, I've learned that there are plenty of people here, Jewel, Tim, and many others, that speak the truth, speak from experience, and speak with unbiased opinions. I wouldn't take the advice in their posts lightly.

It sounds to me that it's two against the board in your situation. From your first post, you stated that if you found out the executive director and the rest of the board were "in cahoots, they will have hell to pay." What do you and/or your husband stand to gain if it comes down to that? What would that do to your husband's reputation, and then, what would that do to his already damaged spirit, and his mission to serve?

If your husband is already a well respected presence in the school, the new principal will see this very early in the year, and may take steps to resolve the situation on the board. As a well respected presence in the school, I wouldn't want anyone to change that opinion of me if I were to react to others immaturity with more immaturity.

In my honest opinion (take it for what you will), it sounds to me as though you have a bigger problem with all of this than your husband does. In your first post you called the executive director "director lady" many times, questioned if she was a "man hater" and whether she "has a man." You also implied that others stand to gain favors with the director, the new principal, etc., without knowing if that was true. As the President, what is your husband's take on the situation? Your husband has many other areas in the school where he excels, and has done so much good for the students; he will have plenty of support from those who know all of the positive change he brought about. Let this thing run itself through, and do it with grace, with your head held high, having faith that the truth will prevail. Don't stoop to their level.

You stated that the process wasn't correctly followed to remove him from office, so that means he is still the President. If you are governed by the National PTA, your husband should contact the state president himself for further advice. By no means would I take this into my own hands and give anyone "hell to pay." All that stands to do is tarnish your husband's reputation as a wonderful, positive role model for the students of the school he loves so dearly. This is the perfect time for him to lead by example for the young men's program he formed that is such a success.

Unfortunately, few PTOs are truly drama free. I'm sorry your husband has to go through this, but please keep in mind that many groups are run very successfully with a male president and an all female executive board. These days, it's not as uncommon as you would think.

Just my $0.02.

Not sure I agree, FirstLady.

It's certainly very hard to assess from afar, but I would suggest that this doesn't need to be just about winning this particular "battle". Try to keep in mind what winning this battle or continuing it for an extended period of time could do to the group or this school year (and by extension the kids).

What are you trying to win?

Tim

We are Christian people and the "right thing" to do is to fight for what's right AND ensure as much as possible that for those who come into this position moving forward, won't be treated as such. As hard as it is to continue on to clear his name, backing out now is just the easy way out! We are in it for the long haul.

I found out that the director lady has been having coaching seesions and influence over the VP and principal! This is going to be like an old Perry Mason, in the courtroom battle.

Stay tuned and thanks for your reply.

The Firstlady.

Got to agree with Jewel. If your husband spends hours at school, loves the kids and teachers, is loved, has a successful program he started and loves.... he's way ahead of the game without a title and without all the agita that will go along with continuing that fight.

The group against him either 1) has a very different side to the story; or 2) deserves each other and the "fun" that comes with the job they're after. Either way, I hope your husband will take a step back, disengage from this particular argument for a bit (as hard as that can be in the moment), and look at what's best for him and the school for the rest of this year.

Tim

It sounds like he has the power of the by-laws to fight his removal, at least until a general vote is held, but given the circumstances, why would he want to? Why would he choose the constant stress and aggravation of an on-going battle with a whole group of people who are against him? What good could possibly come of prolonging this in the face of such opposition?

My husband is the president of an all female PTA board. A deposit from a fundraiser was late in being deposited. After a thorough investigation, nothing was amiss. He doesn't get along with his VP as she has been trying to usurp his authority and is very sneaky. The secretary is her friend and does what the VP tells her to do. The treasurer has become their friend as well.

The principal is new and it's her 1st year as a principal. He brought his concerns about the VP to her and she turned him away citing her inexperience as a reason. She later came back to say that she felt bad by not supporting him so she called in a director from the executive board to assist. Needless to say, his concerns were never addressed and the animosity continued to build.

He lost his temper after a meeting (it was adjourned) and he yelled to the VP that he didn't like her. The executive director lady was present and she admonished him as you would a child. She told him that she wouldn't allow her children to speak to anyone in that tone. I guess she forgot that she wasn't speaking to her children but to a grown man. Anyway, this director lady has had it out for him ever since.

They are still trying to remove him. They voted 3 to 1 not in his favor of course. After the vote the director lady tells my husband to bring the entire PTA related items he has in his possession back to the school. He quickly reminds her that there is a process in place as per the bylaws, for removal of an officer. She asks him if he is appealing their vote. He says I do not have to appeal anything because according to the bylaws, this committee can vote for removal but they cannot make the action of making that occur. Only the membership can remove an officer at the next general meeting by a 2/3 vote!
The steps in the process have been sidestepped by them.
A formal written request by one of his board needed to be sent to the state PTA president requesting his removal. He asked for a copy of the letter, first verbally (the director lady said she would forward it) then via email. No response from her. It’s been days since the vote and still no letter.
My husband was supposed to get a letter via registered mail within 3 days of their vote. No letter. Today is day 3.
My husband spends hours at the school. He is disabled and doesn’t work. He does his work at the school. He’s been a volunteer, classroom parent for 3 years now. He started a young men’s program which focuses on behavior issues and academic excellence. It’s quite a success. He loves the children, teachers and the school. He is well respected in the community. When we go to the local Wal-Mart, it’s not a routine trip to the market. It turns into a meet and greet affair that lasts for hours because we bump into these families with their kids and talk about everything from grades to the next fundraising events.

I think that this director lady is coaching these women on how to get him removed. Not sure if she’s a man hater or whether she has a man. That’s none of my business. What is my business is what this has done to my husband’s spirit and the mission he’s on to serve.
The director lady stands to gain favors from a new principal who knows nothing from the PTA. The director lady is new in her position and needs all of the allies she can get. The VP stands to gain my husband’s seat and for that she’d owe the director lady a favor too. The Secretary is a friend of the VP who she brought onto the board.
I need for all of you to take a look at what I have written and tell me what you think. I know that something is happening that isn’t clean. I am committed to finding out if they are in “cahoots”. If they are, they will have hell to pay.

Sorry this is so long.