LTW - you hit the nail on the head! A couple of years ago we had a mom who used to say that we were a clique. However, she made herself totally unapproachable - always sat in the car by herself and waited for her child to come out, at our pancake breakfasts, etc, always brought her paper and buried her head in it for a couple of hours, and worse - always had a frown on her face! My partner in crime and I had come to the conclusion that we would just approach her ourselves and ask her to head the PR for our upcoming silent auction - she accepted. She came to one meeting, we had her totally engaged and she was totally excited about it and then the next day decided it was too much work! DUH! Some people you just won't be able to please. You can be nice as pie and sweet as honey, but that won't change who they are. Go on to the next one - because for every sourpuss, there is another workerbee ready, willing and able to help you!
We had a really great president 5 or so years back that did a fantastic job breaking the cliqueiness that was going on in our PTA.
We had a board at the time that was very close, had grown up together, been friends forever type of thing and they were a great team and did a lot to create our PTA, but they didn't' do so great at including others.
When M joined she started as membership chair and did a great job boosting membership and getting more people involved. She is just a great people person and goes out of her way to appreciate everyone and notice things they do.
The next year she was elected president by all those wonderful worker bees she recruited during her membership drive.
She did a fantastic job getting more people to be more involved.
We're unfortunately back not so much to a clique, as all the people really want more to join and we're certainly not the cheerleaders the first group was, we're a nice mix of people, but we're doing way too much.
Part of it is a control issue. We all admit that it's hard to give up control. Some attempts we've made have failed and it was more work to fix it or too much headache to deal with the drama, so we didn't ask for help again and just put it on our plate.
We can show up and put on a movie night with minimal effort where a new person stresses out, runs around like a crazy person and drives everyone else nuts. Pop popcorn, order pizza, pick a movie. How easy is that?
But now the 10 people who know what needs to be done do everything and it's going to fall apart.
My #1 goal this year as membership chair is to seek out good people, (good meaning drama free, easy going, but affective.) like M did and get them to want to be involved.
I've revamped all our committee binders so everyone has the information they need and I'll be mentoring and coaching leaders from my committees rather than doing it all myself.
Wish me luck!
Editing to add: I don't think cliques form on purpose. It's just that when you need help, who are you going to ask? Someone you don't know or your friend? One of the reasons M was so effective is that she was new to town and didn't have may friends at first, so she asked everyone to help.
Just start moving outside your circle of friends when seeking help. It works!
I have to agree with a lot of what the article said. Making people feel welcome as soon as they walk into the door, or what I'd like to call the Walmart greeter. Let's also not forget about the people that do not speak English, if you could have a greeter that speaks thier language, or any other spoken language in your area. In my school district we are lucky enough to have a translation system. I usually stand by the door handing out the head phones asking if they need translation services. Many parents are very thankful that we provide translation services. You also want to make sure you provide information in thier language. There is nothing that makes a family feel more unwelcome than not understanding what is going on at the meeting and feeling like they just wasted an hour because everthing is done in English. For many families English is thier second language and almost always feel more comfortable with their native language.
This year we have had the highest number of non- english speaking members join the PTA at the very first meeting. The first meeting was about what is PTA is and what we do for the teachers, school and the students. Many of us assume that parents know what PTA is and does, but they actually do not know. We also did an icebreaking getting to know you Bingo and gave out school t-shirts for the first to fill out thier Bingo cards. It just takes a few minutes and gets everyone talking and interacting with each other.
Wow - that's a great article! I think I did read it at some time over the years, but I'm going to print it & hand it to the exec board members at our next meeting.
I have to admit at our last small event I did stand with the parent who organized it & we talked mostly of if more food was needed out, & how the turnout was. Unfortunately this probably looked like we were talking about the people that attended. At the end I did mingle, but I should have sat at a table with the other parents...
The funny thing is I don't do anything out side of PTO with the other parents. None of us do. We don't live real close to eachother, and all of our kids are in different grades so no playdates even. We just see eachother at school.
Thanks so much for your input - it was very helpful!!!
I agree--most of the time it is a misperception. When I'm entering a new group, however, it can be intimidating to see "susie" and "bonnie" who've done everything together talk about the things that are going on in a very knowledgeable way and then sit there and feel like a dummy. I honestly feel like the best way to conquer this in any group (not just a PTO) is to get information out there constantly. At this point in the year, I'd have already put about about 3 emails talking about the group, who we are, what we're doing, getting introduced at open forums like open house nights, constantly talking about the groups goals and then taking the time to mention other people constantly and what their contributions have been. In the emails I would always put names to events and even if folks didn't know who the parents were immediately they came to know that "Shannon" does the flowers in the front, and Susie does the bulletin board. When the folks eventually do meet one another, they feel like they've known each other forever. That communciation and easy, breezy style is practiced. You have to think to do it all the time and not sit with the "girls" or stand with the "girls" at events you're attending. Always be out there shaking hands, getting to know other folks children, asking who their teacher is etcetera. Make them feel like they are the center of the school and the PTO is right there to support them.
Not always an easy thing to do but really does pay off in the end.
It's a great question. What you're describing happens all the time and really intrigues me. Leaders always say they want help. And parents often say they sense the PTO doesn't want help. Something is amiss.
The very worst thing you can do (because it makes the problem worse) is to start any negative back-and-forth or negative talk (even behind the scenes) about the parents who aren't involved (yet).
