There was a mom at my last school that was amazingly negative about everything. I hadn't learned this about her yet since I was brand new to the school and the town. One day she was talking to me about the PTO and what a horrible, cliquey group they were. She didn't know that while I was new, I was dear friends with the current president and his family through hubby's job. I looked right at her and said, "Gosh, I know Mr. R very well and could never imagine him being part of a negative group. I'm anxious to attend the next meeting to see how I can help." Well, guess who was also at the next meeting and was sweet as pie to everyone. She stayed with the PTO for two years but her negativity was her undoing. Despite many attempts to turn everyone against each other, we all stayed positive and united. We even continued to be very nice and welcoming to her. She eventually got bored and left.

I guess the moral of the story is that if you are yourself, continue to do good work and treat everyone kindly then the negative words of these people will not only fall on deaf ears, but many people will go so far as to defend you and your team.

LAC PTO K-8;128146 wrote: We have a growing PTO group and it is very active. We have grown over the last 4 years and we are doing community activities such as March of Dimes and we are trying new activities including the seniors in our rural community.

Our school has about 230 kids and getting the parents involved is very hard. But we have a small group of parents that no matter what we do they are NEVER happy. They take pot shots at the PTO all the time. How do you deal with this type of activity? Every time we do a fundraising activity they make comments that we have to much money now and people should not support. They have made some of the attacks on our officers as well. Do I need to tell you that they have not attended a meeting and do not know what is going on with our parent group. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

The best practice as we have always heard is to turn the other check. Even though I know how difficult that is (been there done that). Next time you hear one of their negative ideas or attacks, simple ask them to attend the next PTO meeting. Like this "I am sorry you do not like the way we handled ??? but we would love to have you the next meeting so that you will be better informed of the projects/issues before you speak." There are some that this will only shut-up for a short time...........but those that hear you say this to the mouthy person actually do listen and either attend or SHUT UP. Just say it with your sweetest, sugariest voice.

AND REMEMBER.............THOSE THAT KNOW OR SEE WHAT GOOD THINGS YOU DO...........WILL NOT BE LISTENING TO THOSE THAT CRITIZE YOU. Eventually everyone turns on the talkers. Most likely they are jealous that you are doing what you do. Also remember this YOU WILL NEVER MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY AND IF YOU TRY IT WILL MAKE YOU MISERABLE AS WELL. So keep on doing what you are doing and ignore them.

Okay, maybe "bold" isn't right-I just hate any kind of confrontational(even in the mildest form) situation. It's the Libra in me.

Unregistered makes a great point about confirming what's been said. That makes it all the more important to make your contact with this people genuinely friendly and open. If they start getting rude, then just walk away.

The ideal is that people with problems come to the meetings or make contact with a board member to bring those problems to the group's attention, but as we all know that doesn't always happen. It's probably going to be up to you to find out what the issues truly are here and get them resolved before it begins to affect your group.

I agree , it s not bold at all, its responsible and adult and constructive.

But you should first off CONFIRM that what youve heard about what someone 'thinks' or has 'said', is really their true position, it may well not be, and have been twisted and turned in the grapevine and rumormill...establish the facts first, and never assume hearsay or rumor is accurate. It is usually far from it. Better to ask, hey, its going around that you said xyz, is this true, and if so, lets talk about it,,,etc etc etc

LUVMYKIDS;128154 wrote:
If you want to be really bold you could approach those negative parents and talk to them. What I mean is that when you hear a negative statement has been made by someone in particular(Sue Smith said that your fundraiser was just really junky stuff) then you could approach Sue Smith and say "I understand you had some concerns about the quality of the items from our fundraiser, which items did you have problems with?" Then

I don't even think that's really bold. I just think it's mature. It's not high school. We're the adults.

I'd be really friendly and truly curious and open it up with: "I understand you had some concerns about the fundraiser. I'm sorry about that (yup, be that nice!). We're always trying to get better and better, as we know we don't get it all right all the time. What was it that didn't work for you? We'd love to try and make it better next time."

A. You may actually get great feedback. It's the kind of question you should ask all the time anyway. It should be true.

B. It really cuts a critic off at the knees.

C. It helps you create an atmosphere of openness and maturity that can aid the whole school environment.

Tim

If you ingore the complainers that dont offer to fix what they see as a problem, their words will fall on deaf ears and people will tire of them. The problem will take care of itself. Once people stop listending, they will stop talking, becuase an audience is all they are after anyway.
Just do your business as usual, and if they dont come to meetings, then theres not much to discuss anyway. DIfficult people are all around, not just at school. Its life. Deal with them as you would with a diffuciult neighbor. It really is no different.