I like to think I am strong, confident, intelligent and self-assured. I've been called stubborn, arrogant, challenging and unapproachable. (somewhere in the middle is probably the truth!) But does that make me a bully?

Only if you feel this is the only waythe task can be done or successful. I worked with a gal that it was always her way or no way. Sometimes she knew what she was doing and others...let's just say I get to use my idea now. But she had a way of putting me down to the point I because submissive to her. Not good.

When women really clash is when you have two or more very strong personnalities and no one is willing to let one person shine more or share ideas. I have been told several times this year I can't do it all and I turn and say "Then step up and do instead of telling me how to do your job!" Not good either but unless you got Dr. Phil on speed dial (somedays I wish!) there needs to be one that rings the next round bell in a boxing match and breaks up the conversation. My VP has done this.

My worst year was with three other women that just didn't care what I htought and were the biggest bullies I have met since my cousin. What I can laugh about now is one mom's children were/are just like mom.

You can either hang in there, learn and grow from it, or leave and run and lick your wounds. These women have taught me so much and I do apologize if I treat anyone the way they treated me. It's emotions though that need to be let go of, holding on to this stuff only gives them power over you and no one wants that.

[ 05-06-2006, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: mykidsmom ]

Hi Crew Chief--well since I first read this I've been thinking about a response. I suspect you need two things to be a bully. One is someone that allows themselves to be bullied and the other is a person that disregards others feelings. I don't think for instance, that I can be bullied. I too am very confident not because I always make the right choices but because I don't do anything without thinking about it first. I think that if you take on this or any position of authority with the intent to raise the nature of the entire group, encorporate as many ideas and as much energy as you can and can dispense credit amongst the group selflessly (because we all know that we tend to do much of the work ourselves), then you have the qualities that will make you successful in the eyes of others and make others want to be a part of your organization. If however, you demand respect without earning it, direct and not coach, and only do those things that you think are good ideas without giving someone else the chance to shine, then folks will invariably grow tired of your approach and while you may be seen as having accomplished much, your group will not be reaching the potential of all its members.
I always tell folks that I don't have a lot of good ideas, I have a lot of good experiences. And I do really hope others will accept the benefit of my experiences and together we can make things amazing. If I demand them to do it my way...then I'm a bully. If I encorporate them so that our ideas flourish off one another, then I'm a leader. There are many women I'm with that haven't had my experiences, but have had their own that may be valuable to the organization. I cannot get the best from them if they see me as a bully and not a leader. I will accomplish the work of one, and not the work of many...which is what PTOs should be all about.
Folks with confidence, especially women, are not automatically bullies, but we have to have the mindset of moving our organization forward as a whole...helping women without our confidence start to gain it, and maximizing everyone's talents. If you (not really you, but the general sense of you) spell team with an "I" then you are probably on the wrong track. Hope this made sense...d

Hi Everyone,

I'm pretty new to the boards and I really wish I'd discovered them a long time ago. I've learned a lot from some very smart people. Your willingness to share ideas and offer support is a blessing to anyone lucky enough to find this place!

One common theme that seems to pop up on nearly every thread is "adult bullying".

There are plenty of character traits that are unpleasant, sometimes even downright mean and nasty. But is every negative trait bullying?

I like to think I am strong, confident, intelligent and self-assured. I've been called stubborn, arrogant, challenging and unapproachable. (somewhere in the middle is probably the truth!) But does that make me a bully?

As a parent group leader, I'm charged with managing a diverse team. I see many personality types and plenty of them seem to conflict with each other. Ironically, often the parties on both sides feel like the victim of bullying.

What is TRUE bullying and what is merely irritating?

[ 05-05-2006, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: CrewChief ]