Sounds like a leadership problem.
So, stage a coup...(just kidding.....sort of)
Just as a good coach can make or break a team, that's what the leaders can do to your group.
You need to get some people in there who want to IMPROVE things, not just complain. It's too late for this year, probably, but for next year, try to recruit some positive, pro-active people. You can find these by asking the teachers about parents who were really involved and helpful in their classes.
For this year, find some like-minded people in the PTO (if you can --- do this outside the meetings, in private) who want to accomplish things. Start building bridges with the teachers. Go to the Principal and make yourselves available to help the teachers.
Prepare for the meetings with an idea that you know has support from others, propose it in a non-threatening way to the group, be enthusiastic and positive (DO NOT be negative or know-it-all), when others attack the idea, just say, "Thanks for your input, you make a valid point, but just look at the up-side of this idea!!" and list the positives. Start with something small, build on it.
Remember this, you can be "right" all you want, but if you alienate everyone who could help you or work with you, you will not get ANYTHING done.
Bring refreshments to the next meeting, along with your best smile.
There will be some on the board who are just there for the DRAMA, cut down on the drama, don't allow it (maybe they will quit if it isn't exciting enough!).
ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH! You may have to bite your tongue.
I am very lucky to be the President of our PTO this year. Last year many of our group quit because of one or two people (who ALSO quit -- a good thing). I came close to quitting myself, but them I had to ask myself, what am I really here for? The answer was, "to help make this a great school for the kids." So, those of us who were there to do a job, stayed. And we did just fine.
I live in a small town in Virginia (14,000) and our Primary school has about 550 students and 71 staff (44 teachers). We have most of our meetings during the day. The principal always attends. We almost never have teachers attend, but that has never bothered us (after all, they are teaching during the day) -- I personally do not expect them to attend at night, either. I think they have enough to do just to teach.
We do have a mission statement -- boiled down, it is to create the best learning envronment for our kids.
We are lucky to have a VERY good relationship with the teachers. I think that is in part because we leave them alone to teach, we don't expect them to be our workhorses, we do small jobs for them (materials prep, collection of fees), we NEVER spend time in PTO meetings criticizing the teachers -it just isn't done, we show them appreciation throughout the year (small tokens or something larger), and we provide volunteers for the classroom when they need them.
We have a welcome back luncheon when they are preparing the week before school starts.
We give each teacher an allotment of $100 at the beginning of the year to spend as they see fit. We give the money to the school and the teachers turn in their receipts to the principal for reimbursement.
We have some type of teacher appreciation almost every month -- salad/baked potato lunch, a cookie "exchange" (well, they just come and select the cookies we have baked) before Christmas, a soup lunch, pies before Thanksgiving, Breakfast on the run (water and a muffin) for the first day of school, etc.
We are lucky to have a town that expects a high quality education for a very low price -- they are tight with their money, but they DO pay for all the essentials and more. We have 5 computers in each classroom (Average class size 20) and 40 more computers in the enrichment classrooms.
Be Brave.
Remember your mission.
Be kind to the teachers.
Mary Jane
I would love for our PTO to do that, without it being a big ordeal!