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Help!I have a tough member!

19 years 11 months ago #99773 by ptomomforlife
Replied by ptomomforlife on topic RE: Help!I have a tough member!
Thanks guys! A little pep talk does wonders, and it is helpful to know that others have dealt with similar problems and lived to tell about it. I will continue on the high road, and let her gain her own reputation. In the meantime, I can just hope that I won't have to run too much damage control.
19 years 11 months ago #99772 by Serendipity
Hi All! Michelle you hit the nail right on the head with the karmic wheels comment. I so strongly believe in karma and that is why I always feel you need to take the high road, you can't stoop to anyone elses level and risk that bad karma coming back to kick you in the but!

After reading yours and Kmamom's I got to thinking some more about the whole "evil people thing". Surely in this world there are truly evil people, but I am inclined somewhat to think that maybe some people I percieve as being evil are really more driven by their own missguided Agendas. I think some people are just so blinded by what they want that they will stop at nothing in order to get it no matter what the cost....including destroying the PTO & the funds at the expense of the children. Clearly what they want is not really that, but they will end up doing it or trying to do it because they are so blinded.
19 years 11 months ago #99771 by kmamom
I agree with Michelle and Serendipity. It seems as though you're doing a good job handling her now--just stay the course.

While on one hand I agree with Michelle about everyone having some good in them, I also agree with Serendipity that some people are just evil (believe--I personally have worked for Satan AND his wife!), and the only good that's in them is when they aren't quite as evil as they could be!

What bums me out is seeing that this problem is universal. You always feel like your PIA is the one and only (or at least one of a few) but it seems EVERYBODY has one. It's scary seeing how many "problem" people there are out there!
19 years 11 months ago #99770 by Michelle B

But I honestly just feel that some people are just evil and that nothing you ever do will change them.

I was thinking of those that I have dealt with while in the PTA. Of course, I had a boss once that fit that description. I'm sure somewhere deep down inside her black heart there was some good. I never saw it and I doubt anyone will ever find it but....
Even if you never change these people, you will be the better for being the bigger person. Karmic wheels do have a way of running people over!
19 years 11 months ago #99769 by Serendipity
I agree with Michelle B in taking the high road.
Being the bigger better person will always reflect well on you. If her behavior is bad then that will reflect on her and well everyone will see her for what she is.

I am also a firm believer in letting people hang themselves with their own rope. If someone truly has bad intentions they will do their ownselves in without any help from you. It seems by what has happened with her not getting the positions she wanted, that this has already happened to her on some level.

Michelle may have a better outlook on things then me... It may just be some of my bad experiences in dealing with difficult or missguided people. But I honestly just feel that some people are just evil and that nothing you ever do will change them.

I have also learned that some people just cannot handle others successes. Not everyone wants to be a team player and it sounds crazy, but sometimes your successes can be too much for someone else to handle and they are always looking for a way to knock you down.

But back to where we started....everyone involved in these organizations has a few thorns in their sides and some are worse then others. I know sometimes it is hard to bite your tongue and not react to someone the way you really want to but in the end it will serve you better.
19 years 11 months ago #99768 by Michelle B
We all get those from time to time. I've been able to overcome mine by killing them with kindness. Making an extra effort to include them and seek their input. I have actually ended up being very good friends with one of them!!
I truly believe (perhaps naively) that there is good in all of us and we are all of value. In that case, take her hurt feelings seriously. When she wasn't nominated for President, was it handled in a nice way or did she feel blindsided?
When she requested funds (I am assuming seeking donations) were the funds not deposited into your account or not used for your group as they were designed to? Perhaps, if there are no policies in place, she truly didn't know that it was not appropriate to do so and unless it was a case of possible embezzelment, not as serious a crime.
As for her being disruptive and annoying, you will always have those. It takes all personalities. It doesn't in any way take away her right to volunteer for her school and her child and perhaps the more you include her, the more you may see a change in her. If not, then perhaps you can include her in ways that you will not have to deal with her too frequently.
I realize it's difficult (Boy do I realize it's difficult, my first instinct with one person was to boot her out of the room and avoid her at all costs! I wouldn't have been sad if she had been relocated to China.)
But we all have something of value to bring to the table, even the annoying, and disruptive. You can handle the disruptiveness by following Roberts rules a bit tighter for a while. But there is a place for her (even if it's not apparent or even a pleasant thought yet)
You have to remember that for some people, you will never make them happy but if you keep taking the highroad and you follow your rules, despite her litigious past, she still has the burden of proof.
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