Wow, do we have a lot in common. I, too am a new president and have written the by-laws, scheduled our 1st meeting in 5 years and am petitioning members(anyone who wants to) please volunteer to help me. I need a PTO board! I have a really wonderful principal who has been running the money by himself, I was welcome to get things going. The treasurer was relieved.

We have though, already encountered the same kind of person who I will say is a "go-getter". She can really get people moving. She can raise money fast and pulls some weight. Have you spoken to this person about how you feel? Not how others perceive her, but how she makes you feel? Like excluded, alienated, frustrated, unworthy, unuseful. These sound like good words to describe how she makes others feel. And your feelings, as a reminder, are not ever wrong. They are valid. Because you two have to work together, she needs to validate you. I suggest telling her how you feel, (remember not what others think or how they talk) but how she inhibits you from being a part of the plan. How she alienates you to the side lines. How she gets all the glory. She will need to hear it honestly. Your integrity as a leader is at stake. I did this today with my member and we were finally on the same page. Not that I like her any better, but now I will not tip toe around her feelings. It's really hard, but if you're stressed, it has to be done. You and her will probably find you will work together fine if you can be honest---even honest about how she needs to let others in on the plans. Just some thoughts for you. Don't give up.

Our current president has weedled her way into the management of nearly all our committees. In the process, she has alienated competent chairpeople and taken away opportunities for new people to take project leadership roles. She is extremly loyal and hard-working - she's at the school virtually every day doing something. But at what cost to the health of our PTO? I get very frustrated when she announces at our board meetings that "she'll just do it". I try to remind her that it's someone else's job, or that this would be a good time to pull in someone new, but she thinks no one else can do the job as well or as fast as she can. Or, maybe she just thinks we'll never find someone who wants to do xyz. I'd rather ask around, provide some guidance, and let our volunteers take ownership.

Our principal is nominating her for a national volunteer award for a school community service project she designed and ran completely on her own. The end results were good, but wouldn't it be better to recognize a group of people who work together for a success? I guess it sounds like sour grapes when you read this, but I'm much more into including others and delegating responsibility. Since my other fellow officers don't stand up to her, I guess I'm in the minority this year. Thanks for letting me vent.

Just let her know that you have many families approaching you that they would like to help. Ask her if there's anything she does that she would like to train someone else to do or to make them feel wanted. She can keep the things she most enjoys and you can get some new ideas into the things she really doesn't enjoy doing.

Keep in mind the reason she may do everything is because no one wanted to do anything and it was dumped into her lap.

I am a survivor of such a person. I can honestly tell you when I can along with all my new ideas and (as she put it "Martha Steward ways") she LAUGHED at me and at one time told me to take care of my little ones and she'll get the event put together! UGH!! She still isn't well liked but in four years we have become good friends (AMAZING!)

Something I did was take the time to let her know me. It wouldn't surprise me if she was really dissapionted the way the election turned out. Has it ever been talked about, we still laugh about the our election that was not one of our better moments.

In the here and now, you can't change the way people feel about someone, your relationship with her is really more important. She knows what she is doing and as long as she isn't trying to take over the world by playing country music over loud speakers....oh sorry that was Pinky and the Brain cartoon.... offer a hand or chair the volunteer party of events, "Yeah she'll be there BUT I need you to help ME and you will be working with me." (Not overly PC but it's worked for me)

Thank you for all you do(ing) and you can do this! Old and new members do finish the year still standing....no water ballons in arms.

It sounds kind of like she is quite used to HAVING to do lots of things. Now that you are Pres. and trying to get more people involved in the group within a framework you probably need to help her focus her considerable need to be involved on one or two tasks or events. You can then establish chairpersons for the other events/projects and make certain that everyone (School, Parent Group, Vendors, Parents) knows who the authorized contact person will be for each event during the year. Consider publishing a event/duties contact sheet with names and phone numbers to further this framework.

Hopefully in your bylaws you have a rule that all notes placed in backpacks must be approved by the President and Principal in advance; this should eliminate your typos. It's not so much as censoring what goes out to the kids, but making sure that the content and quality meets the guidelines of the school and group.

Volunteers come in all shapes and sizes, helps keep variety in the group, and avoids the clique perception. Directing your VP within a focused area of responsibility will improve your ability to lead the group.

[ 10-29-2003, 10:04 AM: Message edited by: PTA Renegade ]

I'm a new President...VP has been around a while and is part of the "old guard". My election to the position of Pres. was tough...no by-laws at the time, pres. at the time kept changing the rules of who can run, when the election was...think "Florida" and you've got our last PTO Election.

Fast forward...I wrote by-laws, they've been adopted. I'm starting from scratch. No notes from any previous years. The V.P. is doing EVERYTHING. She's the "go-to" person for the book sale rep., she's the "go-to" person for the spirit wear rep., she insists upon having a hand in every little thing. That would be o.k., except that she's not well liked. Last year she was known for sending notes home with typos, she doesn't handle herself well in front of a group. Generally makes the our PTO look shoddy.

How do I get her to back off? Her involvement has turned many others off...the sentiment is "If _________ is going to be there anyway, why should I bother to help?".

Any suggestions??

[ 10-29-2003, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: Rockne ]