It revolves around her schedule because she is not pregnant, doesn't have any medical problems to speak of, doesn't have other obligations that would keep her from being at an event. She is willing to commit. She isn't giving excuses. She is willing to go the extra mile.

After you deliver and your sister has cleared up whatever medical problems she has, I suggest you two take a turn in the driver's seat. Then things will revolve around your schedule. You can do things your own way.

There needs to be a Chairperson because someone has to stay on top of things, someone has to make sure everyone is doing their part, someone has to help out anyone and everyone who has a problem doing their part, etc. In a perfect world, everyone could just do their task and everything should run smoothly. The reality is that it just doesn't always go down that way. A Chairperson is like a conductor of an orchestra. He doesn't play the instruments, but he could. He has to know what every instrument is doing. He keeps everything moving. He takes care of problems that arise. Do the violins know what the cellos are doing? No, because they have their own 'task' to complete during the practices and the recital itself. The conductor knows though.

Lastly, I think that Venzmama has a good point. Do you know for sure, did you hear the prez say nasty things about you? Seems to me that this person, while possibly hard to get along with, wouldn't being trying to tick off what little help she has. I think Venzmama is also right on the money with her comment that there is something to be dealt with on both sides of your coin:

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Is the president taking on too much because of her personality or because the lack of people stepping forward in your group? Could it be a little of both? <hr></blockquote>

Talk to her and explain that you want to help. Ask her what job she thinks you might do that will help her not have to carry so much. Commit to days and times, and be there. Ask her to help you figure out if you are capable of running a Spring Festival, and maybe share some of your ideas about how it could be done in the event you go into labor. There are other places you can help as well, things that don't require a lot of planning, time or major commitments. Just ask her. My guess is she wants help, she needs help. She may not know how to ask. She has carried the load for so long by herself that she is afraid to let someone else carry some of the load. One of the things I have always said is that when it goes right, everyone shares the credit. But when something goes wrong, it is the prez who takes the heat. Either jump into the frying pan with her or back off so you don't get burned...lol...

When are you due? My birthday is in late April! My daughter was born in early March (1977), a son in mid April (1986) and my last son was born on the first day of Spring (March 20 of 1994). Spring babies are wonderful! Good Luck!

Thank you both for responding! Actually, the book fair was planned mostly by the librarian who asked for our help in manning the event. I am pregnant and my sister has other medical problems that prohibit her from being at the school as much as she would like, but that doesn't mean that we don't want to do our part to help! I also realize that the prez was probably frustrated and stressed...I think she has final exams coming up or something like that...anyway, she was still in the wrong for going off the way she did! I have tried to put myself in her position...maybe I would have been upset too. I don't know, but when I found out that she had been talking about us I went straight to the principal to tell her about it! She basically said that it was up to us to either work it out, or she would suggest that the group disband!! The president said that she volunteered for the position last year when nobody else wanted it, that she would basically run things the way she thinks fit, and if we don't like it, we can just get over it!

As for the Spring Festival, as I said earlier, I am pregnant, and am due to give birth in mid-late April...otherwise I would volunteer to chair the event myself! All of the other ladies in our group, (all five of them), have other obligations like work, in addition to volunteering for the PTO, and use that as an excuse not to chair. I suggested that we all have a "task" to do, and as long as we all do our part, everything should run smoothly! The president said that that isn't good enough, and unless we are willing to chair an event, we need to be carefull about what we suggest for activities after the holidays because of her school schedule! I just don't understand why it all has to revolve around HER schedule and not everybody else's!

I am the PTO president and I do attend almost every PTO function whether I'm actively involved or not. I'm there to step in to help where needed and to oversee that things are being done. That's my job! As for running a big event like a book fair, just like Metzy said, you have to have a work schedule and even with one you can't always count on the person signed up to show up. "I'll come when I can" is not a sign of committment. The president was wrong to bad-mouth, especially in public, but it sounds as if she had reached the end of her rope. It also sounds like a poorly planned event...few committed volunteers, a set schedule for shopping, guidelines in place, etc. Is the president taking on too much because of her personality or because the lack of people stepping forward in your group? Could it be a little of both? If you want a Spring event, would you and your sister be willing to chair it and commit to the work? You'll first need to go back to the president and work things out. Your feelings were hurt because of what she "said" (remember this was gossip, what did she really say?) and her feelings were hurt because of the lack of support. Sounds like you are both need to take a step back and make some decisions. She needs to be more flexible and open to others taking leadership roles. You need to be more committed and open to HER leadership role. This could really work if you both want it to and best of all, the kids would be the winners all around. I hate to see groups like the PTO fail because of personality conflicts! I hope you all can regroup and work it out! :cool:

Speaking as a prez who has had to work almost every event, I will tell you that I too, scheduled things so that I would be available to work them. The bottom line for me was this: I couldn't bear to have a program not go off perfectly, not for me, but for the children. And as much as you are not going to like hearing this, every event has to have a time table with sign up times. No event can be run successfully without some sort of work schedule. It is just this kind of thinking that makes a prez work every hour of every event. When you and your sister had something come up, who did you think would take your place? How were they supposed to know that you were supposed to be there? If the prez had not been there, who would have been? I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, and the prez certainly shouldn't have been talking about you that way, or talking down to anyone. But, for one minute, put yourself in her place. Your entire Friday is spent doing the bookfair. Monday, someone shows up to see if you need help (they are checking for someone else which means they are not even going to stay) at 9:30 (when does school start and when did the bookfair open?), and now you know that you are going to be there all day, not just Monday, but Tuesday as well. I've been there, done that. As badly as your feelings were hurt, the fact is, she was there all 3 days so that it would be a success. Let me ask you this:
If a Spring Festival is planned, who is going to give it the same dedication and commitment? When help doesn't show up (and let me tell you, they don't usually call first to tell you), are you and your sister prepared to spend every waking moment there to ensure a great time for the children? It would be nice if we could show up when we can or when we want to, but like any other job, that is not an option. Someone has to be there.
I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I was lambasted for the same thing last year. This year, there are less programs and events at our school because the new prez is finding out that it is hard, sometimes impossible, to count on other people to be where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there and/or do what they are supposed to do. She is not in a position to be at the school all the time like I was last year, so some things are falling through the cracks. Add to that that she has a treasury problem now.

It sounds to me like you need to have a turn as prez. Sounds like you and your sister would be great as co-presidents for a year. That way, you will have an opportunity to offer 'equal' voice to the masses who don't do equal work.

No, not all prez's are like that. Just the ones who have worked a few events by themselves.

Please give me some advice!! My sister and I recently became involved with our school parent group about two months ago, (right before the Fall Festival). Before we started attending meetings, there were only four other parents involved...the president, the vice president, the secretary, one other parent, and the staff parent teacher liason. We all work really hard to have some things at our school for our kids, and I really enjoy being there when I can. Our problem is this: The President is very hard to work with! She feels that she has to be at every function all the time or it will be a bomb, and when someone else tries to make a decision that she doesn't agree with, she overrules it by talking down to them! For example, the librarian asked the parent group to do the book fair this year. When the president brought it up at the meeting, she said that she would chair it and that the vice president would co-chair it. Well, at the meeting right before the bookfair started, the parent teacher liason suggested that we make out a work schedule for the fair. My sister and I said that we didn't want a schedule, that we would be more than willing to work whenever we could! At this point, I should say, that the bookfair was only scheduled to be open three days a week, which just so happens to coincide with the three days that the president does not have classes! Anyways, the first day (Friday) was only supposed to be for the teachers, but at the last minute, the principal decided to let the students attend that day also to preview what was being offered! Something came up and my sister and I were not able to be there, and it ended up being the president there all day by herself. The following Monday, my sister's husband went to the school at around 9:30 and asked if the president needed her to come to help. WELL!!! She jumped all down his throat and basically said that we needed to get our butts there ASAP because SHE had other things to do!! When my sister got there, she waited and waited, but the president never left, so she left instead! The next day of the bookfair was the parent event, and everybody was there for 7:30 am. Later in the day, the president was overheard in the cafeteria saying that she could not depend on us and we were untrustworthy, and the reason we could not have a Spring Festival is because SHE won't be available to chair it!! All of our feelings were really hurt, and we confronted her about it this past Friday. I told her that she is unworkable, and I will not continue to be a part of the group if all she's going to do is "impose" her will and talk down to us like we are kids!

I guess, I just need to know...are all PTO Presidents like that? I want to be involved, but I want to have an equal voice!!!

ANY FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!