hi MOmom, I know how you feel. Same thing happened to me last year. I got nothing and didn't have support from the old board. Thankfully, I found this webpage and also found out the pta has a website and I discoved our district rep (and let me just tell you how much that aggrevated the old board) I would get mis-information from them, and then they would go to the principal and tell her that I wouldn't include them in meetings, or take their advice. I got hauled into the principal's office and explained that after being given wrong info more than once, no I wasn't going to ask for their help anymore. she did see my point, thank goodness. I think that part of the problem was that I was pretty much brand new to the school (dd was just finishing kindergarten when I volunteered) and they didn't know who I was and figured I wouldn't know anything so they could continue to run the pta because I would do what ever they said. (didn't work that way) I encouraged people to volunteer in the classrooms, library, etc not just at pta events, my goal was really to get people involved. And yes, the old pta was perceived as a clique, no way around it, people's biggest complaint was that they signed up to help at whatever and never got called or would be told that it was under control. That doesn't encourage people to come back. I'm president again this year and we have all kinds of new people involved. Good luck to you this year, remember this board because it was a lifesaver last year for me! [img]smile.gif[/img]
maggie

Luvmikids - Thank you. You put that beautifully.

Momom - I wasn't attacking you. I said in my post that I wasn't saying you did those things.

I also think a lot of the problem comes from misunderstandings and people being misunderstood. Also from people listening to other people that like to have something to complain about all the time and maybe someone that, for some reason or another doesn't like someone and they spread their negativity to try to get everyone else to feel the same way. I wouldn't act on something just from people telling me, I'd find out for myself first. Like your meetings during the day. Maybe there was a reason that was done? Maybe no one ever came to the evening meetings so the group voted to have them during the day which was more convenient for them (the ones that did come all the time). I can't imagine that the President just took it on herself to make the meetings during the day without taking a vote on it first. If you were there, you should know that and if you weren't, you could pull someone aside that was and ask them why the meetings were held during the day. The same for anything else you hear someone complain about. Just like you have a reason for doing things the way you do in the group, last years group probably did too. I find that a lot of people complain about stuff just to get things stirred up and a lot of people complain about things they have no clue about.

Your ex-President might actually be a very nice person that you would enjoy being around. I know I've met people that I've heard people talk about before and I instantly didn't like them. When I get to know them, I wonder what the heck my problem was with them! Same with other people in the group. And, like I said, just because they were all in the PTO last year doesn't make them a clique, it makes them the PTO and a group of people that voted on everything together (even if it wasn't something that made someone that never came to meetings or whatever mad). Now, they could be forced to band together this year, feeling like they need to defend themselves and their actions from last year MAKING them a clique this year though. That would make more sense to me.

One thing that does bother people too, is when a new person comes in and acts like what you did was a dumb idea, not the right idea, etc. and his/her ideas are all better so they're going to change anything and everything to the way they think it should be or to suit them and instead of doing things gradually, they try to do it all at once. I feel you should never undermine or try to change something that was done and voted on the previous year, especially if you don't know what was going on or know reasons why something was done. I'm not sure if that makes sense, I'm just not sure how to put it.

I was also trying to say in my previous post that maybe all of the problems aren't from your ex President and last years board but from people on the outside looking in.

You also mentioned that you had a position open but the people that had applied for the position were already doing something. Something with the PTO? I'm just not sure I understand why they couldn't do something else if they wanted to. I see no problem with someone doing more than one thing/position in a PTO. I know, I know, more people need to be involved . I still don't see a problem with it. There are so many ways to be involved in the PTO besides being on the board. And, just because they aren't on the board doesn't mean they can't come to meetings and voice their opinions.

I too am a new president. I didn't receive anything from the previous president. But it was o.k. because I was the secretary last year. I am only president this year because the previous president kept mistreating the parents, which is the essence of the group. People kept telling me that I should have been president, because I was doing all the work.

One thing that inspired me to accept the nomination for presidency was this web site. You all are right. It has the most wonderful information. It helps you to relate and realize that you are not in the same boat. The first time that I saw a post about a hostile president, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was comforting knowing that I wasn't alone with my views, but disheartening to know that there are other people like her. So I used this website to help me withstand her rudeness.

As it concerns the issue of rudeness during the meeting, Lu gave you the best advice: have executive board/officers meetings -- that way you want have to deal with her until full assembly. At full assembly, utilize your gavel and parliamentarian. This person is suppose to help curtial disruption and enforce parliamentary law - which is no more than customs and rules of conducting business.

As it concerns cliques, only me and the treasurer returned from last year's board. I don't really have an opinion about cliques. It's kind of funny when I think about it though. Last year, all 6 of the other board members had the same opinion about the president's rudeness. So I guess, I was in a clique and didn't know it. But we joined together and used out bylaws to defeat her.

She was just terrible. She actually thought she was a CEO rather than a PTO prez. She talked to the parents just awlful. Parent, students, teacher and the principal all complained. In fact, the principal led the way to getting her ousted.

No, we didn't thank her. In fact, I finally had to have it out with her and just let her know when parents come and want to participate - you shouldn't be rude to them and talk to them in the most demeaning manner I've ever seen. You treat them like you want to be treated.

She went to meetings that we knew nothing about, had never discussed (and even obligated us)but represented herself as representing the PTO view(s). A Board of Education member came and told me that "maybe the PTO ought to find a better way of voicing their views." Wow, weren't we surprised.

You see, there really are some bad presidents. Then there are those presidents that appear bad and are probably misunderstood.

So far, I have a wonderful group. We all are focused on enhancing our student's education. As I type this, I laugh because you all make good points and have the best and sincere intentions with regard to your PTO's. But all I can see is that you just jump in there whenever and where-ever possible, be it as an individual or as a group.
Good luck everybody
[img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

MOmom, please don't feel attacked. Remember this is a board that allows us to share our experiences. Sometimes we need a pat on the back, sometimes we seek much needed advice and more importantly we are sometimes able to put our situations into another perspective.

Seeing things through someone elses eyes sometimes clarifies things. But please don't take offense, many of us can sympathize with how you are feeling, MOmom. Volunteering can be frustrating at times. You work and work and sometimes you end up asking yourself, is it really worth it?? Do I need this pressure? Well, from my personal point of view, I feel the reward a person gets from volunteering (whether it be at school, church or anywhere else), outweighs the b.s. by far. Especially when it comes to the kids. When you come into conflict with a fellow PTO member, take a step back and try to see things from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes. Some people may just take their positions so much to heart and,like us all, they feel proud and a bit protective of what they have accomplished. When a new board comes in and wants to make immediate changes, it may appear their hard work and all the time they committed to the PTO was unappreciated and undervalued. How would a person feel if all the things they did for the school wasn't respected? I would be hurt as well as a little defensive. Maybe this is the impression your ex-pres has of this year's PTO.

Respect goes a long way. Without it, a group can fall apart. The backtalk starts, the gossip runs on and on, the infamous cliques come into play, and nothing is accomplished but a bunch of parents wondering if they are going to be able to accomplish much of anything. Be tolerant and respectful of each other. It's hard, but in the long run it works. Believe me, a lot of us have been there. Different people contribute different qualities and talents to a group. Some give a little, some give a lot. Take it all! Once your parents realize your group is well-rounded with both seasoned parents and "new" parents they will be more comfortable being involved. Most importantly they know their opinions will be respected and heard.

Good luck to everybody's groups this year.

<CountMeln>- Obviously your group has none of these problems. Good for you guys! I mean this sincerely. As for each of your thoughts:
MANY parents have voiced that they felt unwelcome at meetings. This is due to several factors. Also our meeting times made it inconvenient for most and facilitated the clique thinking. Our meetings were at noon- any working parent could not attend, or even stay at home moms with small children. People felt they were being deliberately excluded.
As for your comment on not agreeing with everyone all the time- that is exactly my point. I VERY much want to see more ideas & thoughts- good or not so good. Often little bits of everything can be incorporated. And I would hope to get away from the dictatorship feel- I have heard this from others regarding past boards. Most of the people I hear things from, I have never even met before. They hear I am the new prez and then proceed to let me know what they think. I am simply trying to hear everyone and make them feel welcome.
As for my past president having paperwork organized and not handed over due to badmouthing- that is definately not the case. She originally offered to help me with whatever I needed, and then when I asked, stated there was nothing to turn over to me. The more I asked for and did not receive, the more frustrated I became. I know she has most everything in her computer, but is not willing to turn it over for whatever reason. I sincerely feel that she would like to see me fail. Everything I have is either from other members or this site.
As for thanking the past president- I actually did not. I did not even think to. Shame on me. However NOONE was thanked. In actuality everyone involved should be thanked- including parents that have not served on the board but have volunteered in any way. I will be sure to incorporate some way to be sure everyone feels appreciated this year.
As for changing things around- I believe each new president brings his or her own ideas on board. Everyone has their own way of doing things. I did make one change- however it was brought to the board who then voted on it. We were in total agreement- of those that attended. We also had a position open up due to a move- I found this out at our registration. I immediately began asking everyone that filled out our volunteer form if they were good on the computer and would like to volunteer for this position. I received only a few nibbles. I did then ask people I knew- everyone who had previously volunteered for this position were already doing something else. However this was also brought to the board and voted on. Noone was just appointed.
As for the president doing everything- that was part of the problem last year. Several times the president did things without including the board. There were lots of hurt of feelings.
As for people disagreeing- not a problem. However peoples tone and body language speak volumes.
I also stated that the past PTO did WONDERFUL things- I never negated that fact. I don;t want or need to turn anything around. I do have things I would like to see accomplished though. As does everyone.
And I do realize that people may talk bad about me- I can only do what I feel is right and try my darnest!
And when I am no longer prez I will definately stay involved. The more people involved the less it will feel like a clique to others. Everyone should be made to feel welcome and included.
I also do need to state that I have always loved this site and felt very welcome. However the last few responses to me have been extremely hostile. I feel very attacked. As it is almost impossible to relay EVERY little fact or happening in a situation, people don't have the whole piture. There is a way to get your opinion across without attacking another persons thoughts. Again the tone, be it verbal or written.
:confused:

Guess I'm not the only parent that hates the term "clique" when it defines those of us who love to be part of our PTO board.