dlf gives good advice! I recently learned the hard way that e-mail (in my case) was a very bad way of communicating what I passionately felt at the time was something that needed to be said. Now I'm really in the doghouse with a few of my board members, even though I still stand firm in my belief that what I said was important. Hindsight is 20/20. Should have waited and spoken directly to the group. That's why it's better to wait out your decision made in the heat of the moment, no matter how badly you want the problem resolved. Trust me, it's easier to wait it out than to have yourself on everyone's blacklist because you said or did something from a place of emotion. I'm still trying to get a thicker skin - every day it's like walking on eggshells to try to always say and do the right thing, and not take everything personally. There should be some sort of mentor/support group for PTA/PTO presidents.
If you truly want to stay in this group and you're sure you have all the support you need from the other board members and parents, you may have to have a talk with her and try to find out what her issues are, because maybe it's just a simple misunderstanding. Something else I have found out the the hard way: if you don't communicate, the problem will only get worse because then rumors and false information will get spread around and taint the opinions of even the people who are in your corner. Good luck to you!
**She said Robert's rules says a resignation is not official unless it's in writing.**
Just wanted to pipe in about this statement. It's not true. While a written resignation is preferred, a verbal is acceptable. Either type of resignation constitutes a motion that must be dealt with in the next board meeting. Therefore, the resignation is not official until the board has voted on it. Up until the time the board has voted on your resignation, you may rescind it.
**She has been passing around comments for me to hear that "no one wants to work with me" and "everyone will quite if I come remain". **
Don't believe it. This is a well-known tactic bullies use to get their way: make the person think that "everyone" feels the same way in order to force their hand into doing whatever. If you need reassurance, go to the source -- the other board members -- and have private conversations on the matter if you want proof one way or the other.
This PTO thing is hard work. Really hard and you have to wear your teflon every day. Of course we're only hearing one side of the story, but if you believe that you want to stay the course and run the program next year; put your name on the ballot and run. If others say they cannot will not work with you, and you get elected, then they can find another job. Doesn't sound like you value them as value added to the group anyway. As to the "Queen Bee" approach your current president is using, stay above it. Work toward what you see as your path and follow it. You can only do your best.
The longer lesson learned here is that for the most part when you act from a place of emotion (even if you feel totally sure at that time that you know what you need to do), take a time out and wait for 24 hours before you do anything. Resigning as you did when you were so full of frustration was not the best approach and will make it tougher to reintegrate. Not impossible, but it would have been better to swallow hard and wait till the next day before you made any decisions.
If you do bcome PTO presdient you will have to do that ALL THE TIME....or you will react and be sorry for what you've/done or said. That is especially true when using email. Good Luck....
This is my second year in the PTO. I was approached this fall to be the Co-President by the current Executive Board. I said sure. The plan was that the current President would stay on for one more year to transition herself out and me in. Well it's turned into a nightmare. she is a total control freak and hasn't given up anything, nor passed on any info for me for next year. I am constantly being told I don't do this right and that right. She is micromanaging everything I do. I want this to be an inclusive PTO, not an exclusive one. She feels that if she doesn't know the volunteers or like them then they can't help! That's not why I signed on. Isn't the PTO a volunteer organization? At my last exec. meeting she berated me and questioned my actions about the last 3 events. It brought me to tears and so I said I was resigning, effective that night. After we end our exec meeting we have our open PTO meeting. Needless to say I went to that meeting a complete mess!! I had mascara down my face and didn't say a word until she (co-president) asked if I had anything to say. Well I announced to the open PTO that I was resinging. I left that night completely frustrated by how these women run this PTO. Isn't it about the kids-not our own agenda!! I spoke to a friend on another PTO and she suggested to me that I step down for the remainder of the year (until the Co-President is gone) and start again nect year. She said Robert's rules says a resignation is not official unless it's in writing. Word is that the Co-President has been calling around to find out if this is true. She has been passing around comments for me to hear that "no one wants to work with me" and "everyone will quite if I come remain". What am I suppose to do?? So many parents have approached me for coming on, that they were happy they could now be apart of the PTO because they felt included. I have started 3 brand new events that were very successful and I LOVE WHAT WE DO. I have 2 kids in the school, soon to be 3. I do this for all the students and my own children. It's proven that children benefit from community and school activities. I love to see parents bond with their kids. I don't want to be pushed out. Where do I go from here??
