Mommy....been there....was one of the worst experiences of my life....never had dealt with anybody like that....felt awful for having such negative feelings about that person....finally realized...she's what you call an adult bully....manipulative, sneaky, so sweet around everybody else, would nearly make a person sick....like a different person "behind closed doors"...3 of us officers just stood our ground and after awhile, others started seeing how things REALLY were. Nobody wants to talk bad about another person, or argue with them, ect, but I learned that sometimes to do the right thing, you have to get way out of your comfort zone. We have an awesome PTO now...still lots of work and learning all the time...but no conflicts...everyone has the same goal...what's best for the kids and school. Keep your focus on the kids...Best of Luck.

I have had a similar experience this year. I have been able to overcome the obstacles by doing a combination of all previous responses except having a one-on-one conversation with the past president. It felt like she only came to meetings to pin point things I did not know or to say how things would not work. She bad mouthed the current principal and often commented on how things did not get done during her tenure because of lack of parent/teacher support. I was able to get past all her negativity. I laid out rules at the beginning of our meetings. I created event/program planning documents that had to be completed by the end of the event/program (that included committee members and contact names) and timelines that certain items would have to be completed such as the date request of event and the budget request. I made it very clear to all members attending this meeting that this was not a one person show. I made the suggestion that because our past president had the experience, would she be willing to chair our first event (Spiritwear) and explain the process of managing and event at the next meeting using the documents/copies I distributed to everyone. It went great! She got the recognition of being the past president and to start the year off with a great start.

At the first two meetings, I had to clearly take control of the meetings by only allowing a certain amount of time for individual comments and setting the tone of the meeting. I had to interrupt her comments several times and state that the PTSA only brings positive comments to the table. That it is ok to state the fact of what happened but not to drag it on and on. I did this by stating that her comments are very useful, I rephrase her comments in a more positive light, and then ask others for comments. After the first two meetings, her negativity diminished alot.

I hope this helps.

Mommy -- Please post this to a new thread so that you receive the maximum response.

I want to know if anyone out there has experienced anything like this and how do you deal with this issue. I became co-president with another woman this school year for our PTC. First of all how do you split your responsibilities? This woman must think she does more then I do. She may or she may not. I'm not counting. What really bothers me is she wants to take credit for everything that has gotten done. All you ever hear from her mouth is I, I, I. I thought we were a team. At this point I feel like walking away from my position. I have put in alot of my time and my family has also sacrificied on somethings. If I'm not getting the credit for what I have done or even makes me feel like I'm unable to do anything, what do I do? How do I approach this person without there being a fight? Anyone have any suggestions???

I think all of these ideas are wonderfully thought out - Every negative charge is always coupled by a positive charge - Time and perseverance will tell - I think if your current president is strong in will and patient she can overcome this negative obstacle albeit gigantic. You should all give yourselves a loving pat on the back for all of the efforts put forth to better your school for your children. Just remember this, when you die there will only be 2 people in Heaven concerned about your life - you and God! We are put on this earth for much greater purposes than the PTO/PTA - we are weaving the very fabric of our lives and any lives we touch - So put the beast behind you but always keep her in your rearview mirror and move forward! Never let anyone else slow down your progress!!!!

Thanks for all your responses - you all have keen insights. I wish we were dealing with a "normal" person.

I absolutely loved Jewel3's response! I wish I could videotape one of our meetings. the new president has a gentle soul and is a "worker bee" The past president didn't want to do anything herself. Instead, she farmed everything out so she wasn't responsible for anything.

We have a special monthly hot lunch. She would only serve lunches her kids would eat. And very loudly verbalizes that she won't support such and such if we do that - like a threat.

She had a very "lax" board, but she didn't go the extra mile to reach out to people. When moms and dads would show up to help with different events, she would yell orders at them. Who wants to be yelled at when you're volunteering for something??

Unfortunately, this person is unable to be a mentor to anyone. And I plan on doing exactly what Jim suggests at every meeting.

Everyone is very nice to her, but she is dragging the group down with her negativity. To the point where we dread to even go to meetings just in case she's there! She definitely has to be addressed and that is exactly what we plan to do in the November meeting.

As we say at each and every meeting: We are here for our kids - what we do here is for our kids. We are trying to build our school up and we simply cannot tolerate this behavior anymore.

Thank you all - you are an immense help - Can you all make a visit to Chicago?????