I cannot stand to be in the same room as this person because she humiliates me.

Beyond by-laws, past who can be at what, this needs to be adressed first and you need to decided a few things. I learned to remind myself that a person like this has no power over me and that I am a strong enough to be in the same room as her. I know this is easier said than done but please think about this and really take some time to think about your realationship with this person.

Next, yes, you need to be honest with the new President that you are working with your feelings about this woman. Right now I have made it clear to my VP that there are a couple staff members she can deal with and i will be supportive but they are no my favorite people. Beyond that, i would step back. In all honesty the President has to deal with her need to still be included....or controll issues which could probably be rolled up like a big ol'burritto!

I do want to say I was really.... the words she just won't go away, are so harsh. And may be this is coming from hearing those words said and the parent did go away (he passed away this Spring) so they hold a different emotion for me right now. I just hope that you are careful in what you wish for. Please read this knowing I mean no harm, just still greaving heart with regret.

This is our first meeting to get organized for fall. Does she really have to be there if I will take over the treasurer duties?

Has this been clearly communicated? If yes, then redirection is a great idea but if not then a formal announcement needs to be made and (shoot) I'd even have a special thank you ready for the past Pres. Yeah, I try to sugar coat stuff when I would too, rather show them the door but sometimes ya gotta do what cha gotta do. Even if they deserve less.

Right now your by-laws are there to help your PTO be the best it can be for your school. This is more a personal issue and a mom that needs more to her life than we can ever realize.

The bylaws are there to gel the organization but someone has to make the group focus and abide by them. That is not easy to do if the group has gotten lax in the bylaws enforcement. Maybe that would be a good topic of discussion at the next board meeting. I see absolutely no reason why she should work the treasurer duties if there is a board member willing to take on the responsibility and in deed it may be a conflict of interest if she has/had signature authority and there has been no audit conducted and presented (maybe there has been).

Anyway--best to you. If you need any more snappy comebacks let me know...

d

dfl,

Thanks for the information, but considering she ran the whole organization last year, well ....,
as VP I did not know what was going on until the night of the meeting. Our board meetings are for the elected officials, bylaws state this. No one wants to adhere to the bylaws, we are a 501 c, not-for-profit. Aren't bylaws there to avoid conflict?

This is our first meeting to get organized for fall. Does she really have to be there if I will take over the treasurer duties?

I will copy the statement and be ready to say it.
There have been other parents who stood up to her, so I won't give her the power.

Thanks,
K

Our board meetings are open to anyone who wishes to attend. I think that is important in order for folks to feel like this isn't a clique making decisions. The board members however, are the only ones that can vote. If she is no longer president she should be divested of any duties associated with that position for the health of the organization. Given her previous position, it may be healthy for you as a group to "find" a place for her to contribute. Perhaps you have a challenging committee she could handle. You will always come into contact with folks that you will not get along with...that is the fact of leading. The issue is how you deal with them. She cannot humiliate you if you don't give her the power to do so. So, disempower her. Most folks just need to be stood up to or even (goodness gracious) spoken with off line so that as adults you can move forward. I know it isn't easy...but giving someone the power to humiliate you is way more power than they deserve. A simple dismissal of any type of inapproriate action with a powerful statement like "I'm not sure why you feel it necessary to speak to me that way, however it only makes you look small. Let's move on." Good luck!

d

Help!! Our treasurer elected in the spring is moving, so the past president, (a controlling person) decided she should stay on for the summer to sign checks, since her name is still on the account, but is coming to the board meeting. I already told the new president about the by-laws, yes she read them, but would talk to the past pres. Not a minute later did the old pres. whom I do not get along with called me. I told her there was the Pres. me, and anohter Vice President who could handle the treasurer things, get a new signature card and fill out the tax form.
If a person is not elected, can they come to board meetings? Our by laws says the position is vacant until the board votes a new person. She does not want to be treasurer, just nosey and controlling!
Do I need to talk to the new President to give her the flip side on the past Pres.?
She said she's doing this to be "nice", but she puts on this "act" for the Pres. and other Vice Pres.
I cannot stand to be in the same room as this person because she humiliates me.
Any advice? She won't let go!