Sounds similar to my problems - at least you weren't accused of being "obsessed" with the bylaws when wanting the board to vote on expenditures made or to hold regularly meetings.

Dear Phil,

I also want to thank you for your good advice. Unfortunately, unless you are on the PTO board, you have absolutely no advance input,access to any information about monies made, decisions on how to spend it, etc. They do a lot of good things for the school and I don't even have a big problem in how they spend their money, events they put on, etc. I just think the parent population at large should have more information, (maybe a vote?) on the annual school "gift" "project", etc. You know, democracy, representative participation, and all that stuff... It took me four years to understand that one had to be a committee CHAIR to sit in on board discussions. Who signs up to be a committee chair when first volunteering for PTO? So they'll put your name on a general volunteer list for fundraisers, etc., but the chair is passed from friend to friend by word of mouth (all the while complaining how hard it is to find anyone to take on these responsibilities).

But you are right about the subtleties of language, and remaining calm and rational. It's hard to hold back the emotion when I can feel the injustice, the exclusivity, the disregard of others outside the group and disparagement of new ideas. I tend to cry when frustrated, and so hate to have public, face-to-face confrontations. Am very good at writing, though, but apparently that is all too easy to ignore, or misinterpret "tone." But thanks for reminding me to keep using "I" messages, and not make it personal. I will try my best. And I keep reminding myself that being true to my values and beliefs is more important than achieving some end result.

Thanks so much for your response, SpeedyG. I went to your school website and absolutely love its simplicity and straightforwardness. Everything is clear, accessible, easy to navigate, uncluttered and unpretentious. I get the feeling you are proud of your school, but don't have to convince others with a ton of self-congratulations or wordy pats on the back. The student film on tobacco, for example, and the colonial and rocket projects speak for themselves on your creative curriculum and student involvement. Also got the feeling you have nothing to hide: all data is out there, for anyone to access. Also love the idea of not having separate exec. committee and general meetings, the attendance count,(not necessarily large there either) concise, easy to read/understand minutes, etc.
Was wistfully tempted to pick up and move to Cedar Rapids, but my daughter is already in fifth grade. I know your standards and ideas will be difficult, if not impossible, to duplicate here, but at least I have a model to go by. Thanks for sharing, and kudos on your great school!

P.S. You also say you are new to the whole PTO thing. You shouldn't have to be on the board to participate in the PTO. A well functioning organization has lots of committees to lead or work on without being a board member. There should be lots of opportunities to find out the pieces that are going on, and full PTO meetings are for everyone to find out the big picture - what everyone else is doing too.

You didn't say how much longer you have before your kids graduate. Perhaps you will be able to outlast some of the problem parents you are dealing with now.

openbook,

You may never get the rest of the PTO to behave in a "professional" manner, since PTOs are generally volunteer. However, you should expect (and occasionally demand) a respectful and courteous environment (in other words, get the parents to behave like "adults").

It will be a long process, but the first thing is to behave that way yourself. If you listen to them attentively and respectfully, and discuss issues calmly and rationally on a consistent basis, eventually they will come around and realize you are not a threat to them personally. (You may till be a threat to "business as usual" but that's OK).

The more you stick to facts, and the less you mention people's names or say the word "you", the better you come off. For example, if you say "Tilly didn't send me the minutes" you might sound petulant. Instead say "I was expecting the minutes and didn't receive them yet - can you help me find them?" Insread of saying "You should have done this", try "Maybe a better approach next time would be to do this. What do you think?" It takes some getting used to but keeping your words oin neuteral ground helps to keep the discussion focussed where you want it to be without dragging in unneeded baggage.

Wow...I am the secretary...I post the minutes on the PTO bulletin board at school and at our website www.orgsites.com/ia/hiawathapto/index.html and they are available at the monthly meetings from the prior month.

We don't have general and Executive Board only meetings. They are all together in one big meeting. Anyone can attend our meetings.

Some people tend to not like "new blood" in their organizations. They think they've done this before, they don't need some "hot shot" coming in and revamping the whole system. I know..I've been there...but I went ahead and revamped anyway. I got the bylaws changed, voting procedures changed, the way things are run are even changed. And I don't even have a child at the school this year! LOL (She won't be in kindergarten until next year..my oldest was here last year.)

The best advice I can give you is to stick to your guns. Sometimes you have to "play nice" but just keep reminding everyone why you and they are there....FOR THE KIDS!

Good luck!
Amy

P.S. We also post our budget..I figure as much information that we can give out, the better.