I agree with most of the posts here. We all want to do the right thing and not be a bully or allow ourselves to be bullied. Some relationships are are just difficult and by simply voicing an opinion you are labeled a bully. Some people will just never get along. You will never believe what happened at our school here in Ohio. During our lower schools special community collection someone put fake money in the collect jar. Now can someone tell me how that is going to help the poor pay their utility bill during the winter? What kind of mesage does that send to the children in that classroom? There are a lot of sick people out there!

other good resources for UNDERSTANDING the phenomena:

BOOKS
odd girl out - for tween and elem set
womans inhumanity against woman - for the adults
WEB
bullyonline.org - how to SPOT a bully

Some More Info on the Topic of Bullying and Cliques:

Apparently this is a hot topic among the whole feminine set. Check out these books!

Cliques, Phonies and Other Baloney

The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander

Queen Bees and Wannbes

Mean Girls Grow Up -- For those Queen Bees that are all grown up!

Clique Analysis From Stanford

Combatting Cliques

kmamom, your note (first post above) struck a chord with me. i was forcibly resigned from our PTO as i failed to show up for the meeting at which it was decided i was unworthy of the group....i am actually the better for it, as their actions have proven to me they are not a group in which i want to be a participate. i still volunteer at school directly in my childs classroom, and with other activities run by staff etc. i bring my ideas directly to the appropriate staff member, in short, i have found that there is no point in trying to 'appease the aggressor' when it comes to interacting with known bullies. so i have taken the road less travelled and it is better for my health too. you cannot change people or their antics no matter how inappropriate or inconsistent wtih the RRO or bylaws they may be. as they say, kids will be kids. i have stopped trying to figure people out that do strange things, i just do my own thing outside of the PTO and life is better this way. i didnt use the PTO for friendships, so i have lost nothing by not being an active participant in an organization that chose to disenfranchise me in a most unceremonious and undigified manner.one alsways wants to do whats best, and highlight how things could be done differently or better, but if others have an unknown agenda, maybe consider if its even worth your stress and time to continue trying to 'do the right thing'. and just do your good deeds and contribute to the school 'solo' or outside of the organized structure of PTO.

KMAmom-
I also live in Jersey. Central Jersey actually.
Lots of rolling hills and farmland giving way to stripmalls and McMansions.
I find it amazing that women who live in these huge homes find it necessary to host a party and make their guests spend money so that they can get a some cheesy costume jewelry for free. When I tell them I'm not interested in attending, that I go to the city to buy my jewelry (14k, wholesale), they look at me like I have two heads.
Ditto for all the knock off handbag parties. Why would I want a knock off anyway? If I want a Coach bag or a Prada or a Chanel, I just save my money and buy a real one.

I am digressing from the subject of this thread but couldn't help myself.
Time to descend from my soapbox....

I got this off knowledgerush.com, and rather like it:

A bully is an individual who tends to torment others. Bullying is generally seen as a form of harassment typically performed by a child who is older, stronger, or otherwise more powerful socially, upon weaker peers. Even when not referring to children (for example, in college hazing, or workplace harassment), the power structure is typically evident between the bully and victim. At times, the bully's power depends only upon the perception of the victim, with the victim being too intimidated to make an effective resistance.

So ademom74, you do not seem like a bully to me, but rather someone who speaks their mind. I think what a lot of people miss with the bullying issue is the "victim" and "stronger against weaker" points. A lot of times I see people calling others a bully, when in fact it's a weaker victim that's finally summoned enough courage to speak up for themselves.

And I SO am with you on the "if I don't get asked to the afternoon Tastefully Simple party, believe me, I'm not any worse for it."! Though here in Jersey the push is on Home Interiors, bad jewelry and counterfeit purses.