I sent info to school today to help out on the upcoming carnival. I know what its like not to have info to get the job done so even though I resigned I want to help where I can. Although I do feel a lot of relief with my decision I still care very much for the school and want the best for it/them. I'm sure it will be a little rocky as anything new always is but I'm crossing my fingers. (I'm sure even if something little goes wrong most people wont even realize it.) The weather so far looks like it will cooperate so thats a good sign!!

Originally posted by EaglesPrez:
I submitted my resignation today. The Principal cried which made me feel good (because I wondered if she would care at all). One of these wonderful parents who have complained that I am a dictator is very upset that I would be a coward and not, get this- hang in there so I could do the Spring Carnival in May!! Nice to know I'm wanted for something I guess. LOL She is trying to make me feel guilty - she thought I felt passionately about my job and cant believe she misjudged me. Oh Please woman!! Last week you were complaining that I sent you an email with PTO info and the next day that I didnt. I have found that no matter what I do they will find something to complain about. I know they will say a lot of things to make me look bad - the way I see it let them do it. The books and success will show that they are full of hot air. I cant beleive they expect to take all their crap AND make sure everything turns out great. Whatever. I have offered to help with the carnival and if they really want it to be a success they will call me but I refuse to be their doormat. My family seems releived and I have already been contacted to help on the High Schools Show Choir so I wont be completely lost. (I have had calls from other parents wanting me to stay and wanting to fight it out but I am almost to thepoint that I know no matter what I do it will not be enough or right)

Now I guess I need to get a new user name for this board!? Thanks for lisetening!

Hi JPV -

Sounds like a rough year for you. I'm sorry that's happened.

There are couple of threads on the forum right now along these same lines. Yours is the most jaw-dropping (liked that expression). There's no simple solution for this challenge, as there's no "police" who can come in and just make things right.

Working correctly, the group is owned and operated by its membership -- not by its officers. For example, where you were saying "not once was I asked to approve such spending" -- that really should be: "not once were these spending requests presented to our memership for approval."

And if these officers are doing wrong, it's really up to your membership to "rise up" and demand change or make change. Easier said than done, I know, but that's where the power should lie.

(Aside: this is a good spot for a principal. At the very least, principal should be a voice favoring following the rules of the organization. )

This (members have the power to make change)becomes especially difficult if you don't have many active members (the leaders in question may nearly outnumber the members "in the seats" at your meetings). If that's the case one of the first jobs has to be getting a few more interested, like-minded parents connected to your group.

(Aside2: Ironically, the other time this "members have the power" thing becomes unwieldy/ineffective is when you have so, so many members that it's virtually impossible to corral them. At that point, bureaucracy grows, and a very small % of the members almost inevitably wind up with undue influence. I can think of one clear example...)

In the end, 3 or 4 leaders who agree to ignore the rules and decide to run things like a fiefdom can do real damage to your organization for years to come. At times it will be hard-to-see damage (like the Santa pizza -- it's not exactly *hurting* kids; or the one signatures -- they're *probably* not stealing), but it's damage nonetheless.

Two tactics: 1. Continue to try and positively educate these leaders (not sure where you are in the country but I'll sneak em into our sold-out Philly or Chicago conferences if they're willing) on why best practices make sense for your school and kids; and 2. Continue to try and engage more right-thinking parents who might have different goals for your PTO and might be willing to help you make change (get elected, serve as committee chairs, attend meetings).

Good luck,

Tim

This makes me MENTAL: "We" (meaning us normal ones) are "dictators and "control freaks" when we expect things to be done with a specific outcome as a goal. When we're forced to step in and guide or redirect people (or "strongly suggest" if need be) because, to put it nicely, they're making a mess of things that's just the living proof "they" (being the ones who are immature and impossible to reason with) need to prove we're unreasonable and "controlling." God forbid we should actually have rules, guidelines or procedures that need to be followed. Then we're encroaching on creativity and making people "hear and obey." Should we step back and let the chips fall where they may and things go horribly wrong, we lack leadership skills and left people high and dry with no guidance.

Holy heck Kmamom! You have said it so so so so so completely right!!!!!!

(I'm buying you a beer at PageTwo later).

I HATE IT WHEN THOSE WHINERS DON'T KNOW WHICH END IS UP.

ugh.. I think we ALL have people like that, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Us "control freaks" who like to do things right have to listen to people who step up to the plate and then don't want to swing the bat all the time!!!

Boy, do I feel petty for all my kvetching!

Absolutely you did the right thing--the fact that you were approached by the other group speaks volumes.In your case, how can you be expected to lead when you're treated as though you weren't there in the first place?

This makes me MENTAL: "We" (meaning us normal ones) are "dictators and "control freaks" when we expect things to be done with a specific outcome as a goal. When we're forced to step in and guide or redirect people (or "strongly suggest" if need be) because, to put it nicely, they're making a mess of things that's just the living proof "they" (being the ones who are immature and impossible to reason with) need to prove we're unreasonable and "controlling." God forbid we should actually have rules, guidelines or procedures that need to be followed. Then we're encroaching on creativity and making people "hear and obey." Should we step back and let the chips fall where they may and things go horribly wrong, we lack leadership skills and left people high and dry with no guidance.

Can you tell this has been an issue for me this year?

I have one chair who never got around to setting up an official committee to help her--so every month when the work has to be done myself and the VP get a call to help then on the actual day of reckoning we see who'll show up. Usually we're lucky and "the regulars" stop by, but there have been a couple of times we were scrambling. This same chair complains that things have to be done differently "next year" and then proceeds to tell us what needs to be done. The fact that she should have been doing these things all year, and that we've mentioned this is not of any importance. I have absolutely no problem setting it all up for her and and organizing the volunteers, but if I do that I'd better not hear how I'm a control freak that takes over and does things "my" way.

Sorry--had to vent.

I can not lead an organization whose members constantly criticize yet do nothing to help.

Boy--you hit the nail on the head for me! I have a couple of critics I would love to thump on the side of the head and ask,"Is it your sole purpose in this life to p**s on everyone's work so that we can all see how scary smart you are? And if you ARE so scary smart why don't you put your money where your mouth is put all your knowledge and common sense to work?"

It depresses me to see how something as simple as volunteering to help out at my kid's school can make me so bitter.

JPV/Jill- Dang we sound like we could have been at the same school at least half the year. I have faught with this group over Kings and Queens at dances - clearly against County policy for the reasons you stated. I had a Treasurer who took it upon herself to do certain things on her own on the advise of her friends and when I tried to stop it or bring it to the attention of others I was told I was just picking on her!! Of course my view and others is they did all of this to make me look bad as any actions within the organization ultimately rested on me as President. My Principal didnt want to do anything either - she kept advising me to talk to this person, wait and pray. I think the Treasurer should not have been allowed to singlely sign a 2 signature check, she should have been made to complete reports and make deposits in a timely manner. She still owes $1.00 on a fundraiser and I think she should be forced to pay it and resign- but I'm the Meany here so....In the meantime I was being made the Tyrant because I felt things were being sabotaged purposedly. Now of course anything I say is basically met with a sigh/eye rolling and overlooked.
Well these people are already at a loss and really need my help and some think I should come back. Fat chance- they'll just be ready to spit their fire again once I show them the ropes. Its funny too- one person who was gung-ho on taking office has now decided she's just too busy. LOL She was the only one who could have come close to filling my shoes.

I feel that everything I did was successful and people only have to look at the books to see this. At the meeting some parents did ask for an audit to be done now which I thought should be done any time a key Officer leaves for any reason. I kept copies of everything because I do not want to be accused of her wrongdoings. I will hold my head up as I know that I lead a successful group with pride and integrity- I know these new ones will not be able to same the same thing. I too think at this point our group should dissolve as there are too many people vying for the Power spots - and thats all it means to them. The Principal can and does make final decisions when she feels like it so the only thing that should change is utilizing committees more and make everyone "equal".
Does your membership have any idea that these people have made decisions and spent money that is out of the norm? Any big expense should have member approval especially if it was not included on the yearly budget. Do what you can to help a more concerned parent take Office and dont stop fighting for what is right!!