Originally posted by fencingmom:
I assume you are the Pres.? You have to do what you gotta do girl! Be as nice as you can to those who actually do help the PTO but stick to your guns and do what you think is right.

You do have a nice little stash of money. Our PTO is 9 months old and I would love to have 3K in our account.

Thanks for the encouragement! I was really surprised that much money was there after five years of inactivity. I'm hoping it will give us the leverage to really jump start things. MAYBE, just MAYBE, once there is actually something to participate in, people will participate!

Originally posted by kmamom:
Your situation reminds me a lot of mine with our fundraising chair (I have some postings about that from a few weeks ago). A lovely person (sort of) who thinks she knows how to handle situations and people based one her long history with the school district (both as a former student and parent of a 5th grader and highschooler). She inserts herself at every chance to "show us what we're doing wrong" and manages to not only alienate people from our very new group, but also ALWAYS manages to turn the blame on ME when a situation goes awry.

You are right, VERY similar. I think she is well intentioned but she is clearly already overextended so it is beyond me why she would accept a position that would traditionally require a lot of attention. I empathize with her situation because she does have some very legitimate reasons (full time student, five kids, elderly parents and a grandparent to care for, and one working car between a family of 10). But however valid her busy schedule is, I was concerned about how much she would actually be able to contribute BEFORE I found out how much work was before us. She loves the school and has a lot of passion so I don't want to offend or alienate her but I don't have time to do both of our jobs. And even bigger, I don't want to look like a control freak who won't let anyone else have a say so. I am worried that a) I'm going to delegate things to her and she won't follow through or b) I do it myself and something eventually slips through the cracks and then she'll probably complain I don't 'let' her help. I tend to be very assertive about things I feel passionately about and can easily come across as combative. Right now I do have a good reputation at the school. I've worked very hard at establishing that rapport and really don't want to undermine it.

Thanks for listening to my vent. I say we just get a stick and beat the hell out of them until they succomb to our wisdom!

Pass the stick, girlfriend... I'm glad it's not just me.

Well, its still early and the kids are not up yet and I have had time to read while enjoying my coffee without interruption!

First of all, be thankful for your email. Some people are just easier to deal with if you dont have to talk to them! Sad but true.

I assume you are the Pres.? You have to do what you gotta do girl! Be as nice as you can to those who actually do help the PTO but stick to your guns and do what you think is right.

You do have a nice little stash of money. Our PTO is 9 months old and I would love to have 3K in our account.

Good luck with the low membership problem. We spent a little money on some books to donate and made sure we got a nice write up in the local paper. We want the public to see what we can do, with the hopes they will want to be involved.

You also mentioned low teacher participation. Like your PTO the teachers of our district were trilled when we began our PTO however, I think I have only seen about 8 of them. Myself and another board member have made plans to speak at a teachers staff meeting. I dont know what we will say yet but hopefully we can drum up a little PTO involvement from them.

I dont think I helped much however, but I was your ear and shoulder! (kids are up now and Power Rangers is blasting from the tv. )

You're too much, and we are obviously kindred spirits! Feel free to vent--I do it all the time!

Your situation reminds me a lot of mine with our fundraising chair (I have some postings about that from a few weeks ago). A lovely person (sort of) who thinks she knows how to handle situations and people based one her long history with the school district (both as a former student and parent of a 5th grader and highschooler). She inserts herself at every chance to "show us what we're doing wrong" and manages to not only alienate people from our very new group, but also ALWAYS manages to turn the blame on ME when a situation goes awry.

I tried to keep the communication to Email, but once she figured out that's what I was doing she refused to pick up her Email.

I am also a shoot from the hip person (and a pretty good shot! ), and it never ceases to amaze me how this woman usually manages to unarm me. At first I was afraid of pis@ing her off or offending her, especially since my rep in certain circles is less than stellar. I'm seen as assertive, bossy and "know it all-y" (and grudgingly admit I can be) and I didn't want to give them any fuel to burn. Then I was compelled to take the bull by the horns--let's just say that our relationship is a bit "strained" now, which I can live with because she no longer calls me (but my poor VP!).

Mine is also a conversation derailer. So now when the conversation starts getting off track I bail and tell her we'll have to talk later but I have to run. I then call her when I know she won't be home and leave a message of what I need (and admit I use my VP as the middle man sometimes). I also just go ahead without her and fill her in later which I know isn't right, but by the same token if I were to wait for her I'd be screwed on so many different levels. Another complicating factor is that while she expects me to "back off" and let her handle things (God help me) when I do and something gets missed, I've suddenly left her out to dry and not helped.

The problem is mine leaves stuff until the last minute because she's completely overextended, thus creating a lot of stress and bad situations. I was honest with her and told her I appreciated she wanted to help, and told her gently (yes, I'm capable of doing that sometimes [img]tongue.gif[/img] ) that I felt she was just doing too much and as a result things were falling through the cracks.

:eek: THAT did not go over well. I listened to a rant which of course put all blame on me, then expressed I was sorry she felt that way, I didn't agree and left it at that. I'm now just trying to work around her as best I can until the year is up and we can get someone else to fill her position.

I found that my not dealing with things directly because I wanted to not make people think badly of me was fruitless, because it seems no matter what I do I just can't any slack from people in certain circles any way. I've decided to just be me and speak my mind (as politely as possible) and deal with the consequences. I'm so tired of all this highschool behavior from 40-year old women like myself, and refuse any longer to get caught up in it.

Thanks for listening to my vent. I say we just get a stick and beat the hell out of them until they succomb to our wisdom!

I have kinda been stewing for the last week and a half over my PTSO's executive committee and I'm not sure if there is any earth-shattering advice anyone is going to be able to give me... but I kinda need to vent it out and sadly, I think it's going to take me numerous posts to do so. You might want to grab your beverage of choice before you go any further and if you don't have patience for wee hours of the morning b@$!^ sessions... well, stop here.

Myself, the VP, and the secretary pretty much all got our nominations by default, and are now in charge of a PTSO that has not functioned in about five years. I had no idea that I would pretty much be recreating the wheel when I accepted it, but I got my booty in gear and made it my business to find out what it takes to run a good PTO. Well, I've spent a LOT of time here reading about the challenges and frustrations (and joys too!) and I think I have a pretty solid plan to make sure that the school will have a PTSO that won't fall apart every time there's turnover in the main building. I'm just not sure I have the support system in place at the exec committee level to make that happen. The teachers are very enthusiastic to see a PTSO, but who knows if I'll see many of them at meetings. Once the structure is in place, I know we will have volunteers. Due to some demographics at our school, I'm not sure how many will be that special breed that has both passion and business savvy. I'm really concerned right now about the positions that make up our executive committee and I would welcome any advice from anyone who has dealt with similar.

I am having several issues with my VP already. She's a nice lady but with no mention of the benefits of PTO on the child/family/school/community tells parents to sign up for PTO so we can call them when we need them to talk at district board meetings. I see parents get a deer in the headlights look every time she does it and she's totally oblivious to it. She almost sounds like she's collecting petition signatures and I am not sure how to tell her that (given some history specific to this school and past parent groups) she is probably going to alienate more people than she will inspire with that approach. Also, every time I try to get on the phone with her to discuss plans for moving forward, I hear an earful about the history I mentioned, followed by how glad she is that I am taking care of things because they've needed someone like me for a really long time, and then a lot of details about her schedule, obligations, and transportation issues. She's indicated having been a secretary in the past, but doesn't seem to have any practical or working knowledge of the business aspects. I have called her every week and I probably get 5 minutes airtime out of a thirty minute conversation and usually have to totally cut her off without having conveyed to her a fifth of what I need to tell her because she has talked through the thirty minutes I take for lunch, but have heard (for the umpteenth time) all of the afore mentioned diatribe.

I called her last week determined to discuss with her the Three for Me program which I had already discussed with the principal, who loved it and gave me the green light. While we didn't leave our 'inaugural' meeting with any specific tasks to complete, in the three weeks between the 'election' meeting and last week's phone call I had been making direct contact with parents, researching, brainstorming, etc and have pages and pages of notes and ideas. I was just floored when her only suggestion relevant to the future of the PTO was to share that she had called the principal because our school doesn't have 'my kid is an honor role student' type bumper stickers and suggested that the PTSO purchase some. She indicated she is sure that we should have $50 seed money from the district. And I'd love to do that, but a) I think we need to focus on our operating structure first and #2, if we only had $50, I don't think bumper stickers for honor students who currently have a special assembly each quarter where they receive certificates of achievement should be our first purchase. We actually have 3.6K in the bank, but given that we have no active members, no events to boost membership on the calendar, no fundraisers planned, and no other source of income whatsoever, we need to be rather conservative about how we spend it and focus on the entire student body rather than single out a small group that already gets recognition.

Any of my friends or coworkers and any of the school faculty who have dealt with me would probably roll on the floor in hysterics at how the lady in question manages to derail every conversation, because I tend to be very assertive and 'shoot from the hip'. I feel like I'm tied up on tracks with a speeding train headed right for me every time I speak with her. I am in a position where I either make decisions without her in the interest of doing the job I was appointed to do, or doing nothing because it's so difficult to fully disclose the relevant details to her. Neither option appeals to me. I don't want to resort to restricting our communication to email, but I'm afraid that's what I'm going to have to do.
Well, if you got this far, I am grateful and impressed by your perserverence. I need the virtual ear and shoulder.