Adding another long one - for all those who share this job description with me - and are proud of it!!! (My mom sent this to me.) HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO EVERYONE!
POSITION: Mom
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for
challenging permanent work in an often-chaotic
environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing
to work various hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts "on call." Some
overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless
sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses
not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also
required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: This is for the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing
to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the
physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from
zero to 100 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone
just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating
technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for
clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys and battery-operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must
assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end product. Responsibilities also include
floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the
facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually
none. Your job is to remain in the same position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering
frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due
when they turn 18 because of the assumption that
University will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them whatever is
left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary
scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you
could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no
pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays
and no stock options are offered, job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth and free
hugs for life if you play your cards right.
[ 05-12-2002: Message edited by: IMovePeople ]</p>
