Thank you for your words of support!

Yes, I'm feeling better, but am still stressed about this meeting tomorrow. I don't want all sorts of dirty laundry (that we have on our detractors) getting a chance to be aired, changing the focus of the meeting.

When I called the super, at that time at least, he seemed sort of bemused, and felt it wasn't anything to stress about. BUT we told him our activities wouldn't cause "trouble" when we first asked for his blessing to start this group, and though technically we're not the trouble-makers, our presence alone is enough for "others" to make trouble that wasn't there in the first place. The most frustrating thing is that we have NO tangible proof about the detractors. The principal always shields them, and makes it seem as either though it's a lot of complaints or that she totally agrees with the detractors, even though she made the original approvals in the first place.

I wish I was an evil person with no conscience. I t would make my life so much easier!

Hi! I hope your feeling better today!

I know you can't completely disengage yourself emotionally from this. It is too insane. It is just finding a way to deal with it and not letting it eat you alive.

It is a really hard road to walk! Especially since you have 3 forces at work against you (detractors, teachers, & principal). I think that your only saving grace is the Super who does not seem to be bothered by what you are doing. I would try to make him your best friend! Tell him you would like to stop the insanity and that whatever you do next you would like to pass by his desk first for his opinions, advice, & approval. Once he approves it with you, you can then take it to the principal and let her know he has seen and approved it. Let her know that any complaints should be directed to him and not her, since he approved it.

Knocking her out of the equation may get you some peace. Are these teachers and detractors going to want to run crying to him? and if they do is he not going to nip it in the bud?

Hey you! I've been away from the boards for too long!

Believe me--nothing would make me happier than to disengage myself from the emotional aspect of all this. It's hard to do, because my group has worked so hard to get as far as we have, and as you can imagine, the more successful we get, the harder our detractors (principal seeemingly included) come at us.

I just take umbrage with feeling like I'm micromanaged. God knows I'm not perfect, but having it pointed out EVERY time is draining. I'd have no problem if it was done with a, "Hey--you know what--next time don't do xyz, it might look like...." But it's always done with this insinuated tone that if we continue being "problematic" we'll be asked to stop our activities! And I just don't see us as doing anything wrong--we think we're following the rules, but it always seem as though either we're not OR we're following the rules, but with a bad attitude!

It's to the point that I'm afraid to ask for permission to hand out ANY kind of flyer--every time we do if "someone" takes umbrage with it, WE'RE the ones who are wrong! And FORGET about reminder notices--that's "forcing" people to contribute.

Right now I'm trying to nail down exactly what my issues with all this are, so when I go in this meeting I don't just have, "she's picking on us" to go with. I agree--it seems as though she's wimpy--at the first complaint (and it's SEEMING like it's always the same crew--we don't know FOR SURE) she's all over us, rather than defending us. Not that I need her protection, but that thing with the teachers was the last straw (in that case I've the feeling the teachers that complained are very close with our detractors).

On one hand I know we're not doing anything wrong, but God only knows what's she's telling the superintendent and others about us!

Hi Kmamom! You need to find a way to deal with the emotional aspects of this. This situation is not going to change over night. You have to be in it for the long haul. You can bet that the more successful you are the harder the detractors will work to knock you down. They don't want you to be successful and for sure they don't want you to be more successful then the other original group. Your Principal is caught in the middle and she is clearly a no backbone weakling! Who instead of solving the problem is contributing to it by not nipping it in the bud.

I have been going through a similar situation for the last year (with another town organization, not school or PTO related)At one point town council members actually had to step in and intervene. It frustrates the hell out of us, but the bottom line is they are afraid of us. Our success is a threat to them. The more they come at us the more afraid we know they are. We put that into perspective and it gives us the strength to deal with them and contiue onward & upward.

I think it is a good thing that you got the super involved and that he is coming to the meeting!
I also think you need to back the principal into a corner. Since she approved the flyer she should handle what ever detractors come along. She is supposed to be the boss there so she needs to stand by her decisions and stop trying to make you the heavy. Geez what a whimp!

So hang in there & fight the good fight. Let the fact that you are doing such a good job that it scares the enemy into rediculous behavior, be your strength!

OK--get ready for my crybaby session!

Well, our micromanager (read principal) has now forced us to seek mediation with our superintendent. I felt ridiculous calling him--it was SO, "MA--she's picking on me! Make her be nice!" But I just SNAPPED. Ironically we're a "bully-free" school, yet everyone feels bullied by the principal and the vice!

The last straw was--get this--we were taken to task by the principal for confusing the teachers. From now on when we hand out flyers to the teachers to distribute to the kids we have to put a note on them alerting the teacher that these flyers need to be distributed to the students one per student. Mind you they were MARKET DAY ORDER FORMS--which they mangaed to hand out last month JUST FINE without any help from us. It seems as though "the teachers" (mind you it always seem to be the same faceless, nameless teachers who have issues) were confused this month because we delivered the order forms in file folders with their names on it, and asked to have the file folders returned to us so that next month we could reuse them.

I expressed my humiliation and feeling of idiocy when I called the superintendent, and at least over the phone he was understanding and agreed to listen in on a meeting the principal called with us. Yet ANOTHER meeting addressing "Concerns about [y]our group." It seems no matter what we do, we're always doing it wrong--but not just "wrong"--but with animonsity and flagrant disregard for the rules. Rules which have never been layed out, mind you. We seem to be this renegade group of rabble-rousers doing the community greater harm by trying to get them to particpate in their child's school, and by FAR the WORST offense is FUNDRAISING. For monies which naturally go right into OUR pockets so that we can enjoy the benefits of all our hard work.

What makes this so frustrating is that the other groups in our school DEFINITELY don't follow all the rules we're accused of breaking (like I said--rules we didn't even know existed), yet becuase no namelss teacher or parent "tattles" on them they get away with it. Our detractor(s) LOVE to take EVERY flyer we release to our principal and have some issue with it or the event it's about. Naturally each time we're called into the office and chastised.

We've had NUMEROUS meetings with the principal about all this. Every time we're told, "Why NO--there's no problem! Absolutely you can do the things you just asked you can do." You'd never know these meetings ever happened though every time we hand out a flyer the principal approved though. It always becomes this scene where we've somehow misled her and are doing things differently than we said we'd be doing them. And of course they way we've "chosen" to do these things is the absolutely most offensive and obnoxious way possible, since we love being self-destructive and alientating our parents.

Like I said, I felt FOOLISH going to our superintendent--I'm almost FORTY for crying out loud and am having a fit because someone is treating me "unfairly!" But the cummulative affect of all this is killing me and my board emotionally. It's utterly depressing to be called by the principal every time you do something and be admonished as though you were a naughty child. Especially when you feel as though no matter how hard you try to follow the rules and play nicely you're STILL wrong.

I know, I know, "WAH WAH WAH WAH - POOR ME." But I'm still utterly pis@ed off!

Any suggestions on how to handle the meeting? This should be be a LOT of fun, and totally comfortable! She originally called the meeting to "have a conversation" about "concerns with [y]our group and [y]our fundraising." Fundraising and flyers which SHE approved, remember. Before I committed I called the super to ask him to sit in on the meeting since we no longer feel comfortable meeting with her any more. It seems we walk out with notes and understandings of what was said and agreed upon that are completely different than her and the vice's interpretation are. I let her know this, as nicely as possible, when I called to firm up a date and time. She was completely flustered, and never called back to confirm the meeting time with me, the super's secretary did. I can just imagine HOW much fun the remainder of the school year is going to be!

[ 10-17-2004, 01:32 AM: Message edited by: kmamom ]