Marla and Kathy,

Thanks for the concern. Wow Marla, the Govenor. It may be a bit more difficult for me to get to Govenor "Arnold", but you never know. For your friend the treasurer, I wish her well. I know it is a tough spot to be in, but having the support of others can make all the different, because when you are staning up to the "cliche" which is backed, or even lead by the Principal, it is easy to feel all alone in your struggle. My wife an I have always felt that while everyone is entitled to an opinion, when you are part of an organization like PTO or PTA,and especially if you are a district employee, there is protocal to follow on how one should express themselves and in what forum. Verbal attacts on my wife were always in very public forums. I believe this was done on purpose as a form on intimidation not only towards my wife, but for anyone likeminded who would want to be involved in this PTA. I can not tell you the number of active and interested parents that have been turned off to PTA just by the way they interact with eachother during meetings. I am sure this is done intentionally to keep a general disinterest in this PTA, and thus keep the cliche in tact. I do have some advise. While it may be difficult at times to use PTO/PTA guidelines to "modify the behavior and actions" of fellow PTO/PTA members, those who happen to be school employees fall under School Board policy which tends to be very specific on how a paid employee is allowed to interact with other parents. Yes, when they are "off the clock" these policies may not always apply, but I have yet to meet any vendictive PTA member who is able to keep their vemon to themselve until they are off the clock. It is hard for them to keep on the smile and eat humble pie unit school gets out. In short, they will almost always act in their unprofessional way all day long. Your friend who is the PTA treasurer needs to keep a log a of these unprofessional words and actions aimed at her from other PTA members and the principal. We have learned that a neatly written list of these actions with mention of which board policy you feel they are in violation of send to the superintendent via certified mail, gets plenty of attention because concerns and complaints that come to a district via certified mail means that someone is serious, had probably spoke to a lawyer and is building a case. This "list" which is written, mantained and updated by your friend is for her protection. This may not make the situation at her school any friendlier, but it does send the message that she is parent of that school and demands "equal" respect and opportunities for her and her children. No one ever wants to "take on" a school principal. We did not, but in our case we found ourselves needing to defend ourselves from her. A letter as I mentioned before stating your friends feelings of being singled out by specific group of parents, all under the supervision of this principal, addressed to the Superintendent will definitely send a ripple. In this letter your friend need to request a meeting with at the very least, the assistant super of personnel. The district will respect you friends willingness to follow district protocal in addressing her concerns. The district will definitely have its own feelings on how involved they feel a principal should be in the affairs of a PTA or PTA. Does any principal tout high enough test scores to really get that involved in a PTA, especially one that is making a district-level administrators take time out of their day to deal with a seriously concerned parent. Trust me, no principal needs this kind of attention from the district. Suddenly their are high-level questions of this principals ability to keep things in control at her school. This may sound a little heavy, but when you consider the amount of influence a principal has the school experience of an individual parent and their child, and how this experience can be affected by a principal who ill will towards you because of a PTO issue, you need to let her know how much influence an parent can have on her school experience as well. Hope this helps. It has kept some pretty angry folks in our district at bay for at least the time being.

Ralphie,
What a horrible situation your family is in! Please know that your PTA is unlike any I have ever heard of. Ours is really nice and friendly!

You asked if you can start a PTO if there is already a PTA in place. Tim has addressed this question quite a few times and will probably chime in any time now. The problem is that any parent group has to work with the Principal in order to be successful and apparently that's not going to happen in your school right now. The best way (IMHO) to enact change is to vote out the old board and vote in a new slate of officers. From what you've written, that will also be difficult because you are a new parent would be going against the well organized clique. Hope someone else like Metzymom has more constructive suggestions but I just wanted to offer my support and sympathy. good luck. [img]smile.gif[/img]

I really feel for you. There is sort of the same thing going on in our middle school. It didn't happen to me but my friend who is the treasurer. There are things that need to be addressed and the principal, with certain parents, don't like to be questioned. The PTO has been hording money for the last 4 years to be used for the new middle school which opens 2004/2005. There hasn't been any money spent on the kids that have been at the now middle school. When it was brought up, tempers flew!!! She was yelled at and belittled. She is sticking in there right now. I'm going to go to the next meeting to back up my friend and my children. If it goes as far as it has for you, I may keep going to the governer of our state. He is very approachable and would see into the problem until it is resolved for whatever it would take. Is there someone you can go to that you know will be honest to what is happening? Will they keep at it till it is resolved to the best of the school and all students and parents??
These power hungary people that like to play their games, is a big thorn in my side!!!!!

Yes, things have calmed down somewhat... My wife is doing fine, but we are always "looking over our shoulder" when we are on campus. THis all happened last school year, when my son was in first grade. Since most of the negative PTA charge against us was brought on by lower grade teachers who were on the PTA, you bet it had an ill effect on our son's first grade experience. My wife was devastated knowing that getting involved with this group of people would have such a negative effect on our son's school experience. This year he has a great teacher, who, as I had stated earlier, has had to stand her ground against fellow lower grade teachers in order to give our son a fair shake. The PTA has conviened since then, and honostedly, we have made it a point to stay clear of them and any of their activities. Yes, we fought back which resulted in a few teachers getting formally written up, and a few of the staff being disciplined and "trained". The superintendent and the district's lawyer know that the only resolve we see fit is the removal of the principal and most of her staff. This may seem harsh, but one thing I did not mention previously is that two of the PTA members, who are and were teachers, threated my wife about "bad things happening". A few days later Department of Childrens services is requesting to investigate our family, after (in a very public fashion) pulling our son our of class to "counsil" him in front of the school. These people really meant to harm my family for traying to change "their PTA". These teachers and staff have an unhealthy relationship with this organization has been very exclusive in their membership and self-serving. I think PTA is a great thing, but they have turning it into a Payton Place cliche. And all of this is supported by the Principal, causing and disiplinary action taken against these teachers and staff most likely meaningless, only causing greater angst against my wife and son. We still hear the comments. It is an uncomfortable situation (boarderline hostile) knowing everytime we walk into campus, most of the school leadership and staff hate it. I know it is uncomfortable for them, because they know we know how to talk to the Superintendent and her lawyer, so they have to watch their P's and Q's. Fortunatly, my son is still a bit too naive to really see what is going on around him, so he's doing OK for now. Can a PTO be created at a school where a PTA already exists? How can a PTA group be disbanded and rebuilt from scratch? Where should a principal draw the line when it comes to teachers overly consumed with PTA? Honestly, it's like being in a boxing match that's about to start. We're in one corner and the PTA, principal and staff are on the other, both of us just staring down the other waiting for the bell to ring. We always have to keep in mind that our son, as well we the parents, have every right to be at this public school an be treated respectivefully and equally. Yes, of course if we were to hit lotto, our kid is out of their in into a Harvard prep school in a heart beat. Until then, it is just a waiting game.

Hi Ralphie, took me a while to get back. Putting a freeze on the spending makes sense. But after the investigation was done and the Council intervened, did she remain involved to the point of knowing what the PTA was doing? I would have likely suggested the same thing knowing your wife's physical condition. Nothing is as important as your family and not worth risking any difficulties with her or your childs health. but did/does she know about the harassment that has happened since. If so, it can be arranged that council plus a small committee come out to speak to your PTA about personalities and getting along. She may also recommend "heavily" that the board do the free online training on the national website about listening to others and treating people as they want to be treated. I've recently done that myself. As much as I would like to think that all people are good, it just isn't so. But a heavy dose of "Be kind to one another" might push a few of them back into where they're supposed to be.
If you can't get a reasonable result out of this, you can take it higher but from what you have said, the council rep would be your first step and an ally to boot. She may take it higher herself. I know that I would. It still amazes me that some people can't move past all the high school games but it is the real world and you can fight it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, people like this ruin the good work that we are trying to do and don't need to be in positions of power in our organization. You have to be strong if you want to affect change and in this case, it is necessary for your family's mental health and definately worth the fight. Bullies need to be stopped.

Ralphie4--How are things going for your family? Have things calmed down?