I too have a small group of parents from one of the units that only supplies negativity. They never offer anything constructive but happily most of the time, they do it via e-mail. However, in situations of a meeting, if it is an inappropriate response and one that will incite an argument, I will stop the meeting and ask them to please step outside with me.
I then will say, "I realize that you have some frustration and I will address it but I do not think this is an appropriate forum at this time. If you would like to discuss it after the meeting, I will be happy to stay after and meet with you." You say it politely and firmly and although they do take me up on the staying after, the dirtyness doesn't infect our meeting.
In situations where the concern is valid but the approach is aggressive, I then say, "you have some very valid issues and obviously we need to discuss it. Please help me in making this a conversation and not a confrontation. We will accomplish much more this way."

I do LOVE the "you have no powers here" comment. I would so love to say that to these women!! But you have to kill them with kindness... instead of just kill them (and that your honor is why I shot her...)

Very good post, kmamom. I like the way you handle those situations.

The situation is frustrating, because no matter what you do, you're the bad guy. I've little experience myself in the public forum when dealing with nasties, but generally I've found being nice doesn't work too often--they take it as a sign of weakness.

Try to answer every "comment" or "look" they have with a question. Try to say as little as possible, and don't explain yourself. I always try to throw it back in their court--short responses that leave THEM having to explain themselves. Painful silences that make THEM squirm, then move on to the next topic. My favorites for nasty, personal comments are the most direct approach:
1."Why would you say that?"
2. "What was the purpose of that comment?"
3. "Have I said something that angered or offended you?"
4. "Is there a problem?"
These have to be asked with the sincerest look (you can muster) of being genuinely interested in what they have to say so you don't come off as being the aggressor. It's difficult for them to answer 1 or 2 without looking like a COMPLETE ass****, so that generally shuts them up at least. With 3 and 4, if there is a comeback, usually these responses work: "OH--I must be mistaken--I thought by the tone of your voice (look on your face)that you were unhappy with something that was said," or "Yes, I could tell by the tone of your voice/look on your face you weren't happy with _____," then you just move on.

I have, in moments of immature weakness, also been known to say, "Your powers are no good here--be gone! Before someone drops a house on you too!" and "You're so good at being (a/an)_______. Do you have to work really hard at it, or does it come naturally to you?

I've found that people afraid of confrontation, even when they're in the right, are the ones who tend to be victimized by these negative types the most. Even groups can be bullied, because people are afraid of rejection, even if it is by someone they can't stand. It's been so ingrained in us to worry about other people's feelings that we sometimes forget that OUR feelings count too!

Good Luck!

Our PTO is plagued by a small group of parents who constantly harrass anything and everything. There is always an issue with them, which is brought up by them in a very disruptive and sometimes nasty way. Other parents and teachers are disgusted with them, do we have any options ? We have tried being nice, trying to stick to the positive, etc., nothing works. What can we do. We appreciate any feedback! :confused: