Don't Say It!

No one who feels committed to her PTO would consciously turn away eager volunteers. But sometimes the most innocent of comments can do just that. You’re juggling six projects, behind on a deadline, and hurrying home after a long meeting. The last thing you want to do is listen to a new idea or explain how a new member can get involved. Those conversations take so much time. But that’s exactly what you need to do if your group is going to thrive into the future. Consider these lines, guaranteed to kill the enthusiasm of the most wide-eyed newbie.

1. “We’ll have someone call you.”

This is the PTO version of the classic dating line “I’ll call you.” We all know what this means: a complete brushoff. A better way to end the conversation is “You want to talk to Sue Smith about that. Here’s her phone number. Also, you should add your name to the committee sign-up sheet in the office.”

2. “We tried that already” or “That won’t work.”

It’s wise to learn from the past. No one wants to repeat mistakes. But sometimes ideas that failed once can be successful with new people or a new situation. Instead, respond with “We had a bad experience once with a similar idea. But maybe it’s time to reconsider and take a new approach. Would you like to look into it?”

3. “Run all decisions by me.”

The committee has a mission, a budget, a work plan, volunteers, and a chairwoman committed to success. Why must every little decision be run by the executive board? That’s what a committee is for. A sure way to deflate the confidence of a chairwoman is to take away her power to run her committee. Let her take ownership. She and her committee members will develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments, which will build better leaders and a better PTO. Keep an eye on things, but don’t try to run the show.

4. “We’ve always done it this way.”

This line is sure to squelch any hope for new ideas. Just because your PTO has settled into a comfortable pattern doesn’t mean it is perfect. Change is hard, it’s disruptive, and it takes time. But often, it can energize the group. A better response would be “We’re so used to doing things a certain way, it’s hard to consider changing. Can you explain how your new idea might improve the PTO?”

5. “We’ll call to schedule a meeting.”

Few people really love meetings. Much too often, participants wander away from the agenda and turn the gathering into a marathon social session. Getting volunteers together at the same time and in the same place is vital to any project. But leaving an eager volunteer hanging is the same as ignoring her completely. Be careful about using “we” as a generalization, too. Saying “we” depersonalizes the statement so no one person is accountable.

6. “Call if you have questions.”

This line could be followed by “...because this is all the training you’re gonna get.” While the statement might be a sincere offer to provide help, it can also sound like a dismissal. Try closing the conversation with “I’ll give you a couple of days to look over the materials and I’ll call to see how it’s going. In the meantime, here’s my phone number and email address if you have questions.”

7. “Why didn’t you sign up last year?”

Maybe you’re frustrated that a 5th grade parent is just now getting involved in the PTO. Where the heck was she last year when you single-handedly ran the book fair? But are her reasons that important? Maybe she worked, maybe she had a sick parent, maybe she’s shy. The point is, she has signed up now.

8. “We’re not allowed to do that.”

Are you sure? Can you explain why the idea isn’t allowed? Are you really listening to the new idea? Assumptions can get elevated to gospel truth simply by virtue of the passage of time. Try this line instead: “We’ve always operated under the assumption that we aren’t allowed to do that. But we’ve never taken the time to find out why. Would you be willing to look into it?”