Our PTO decided to add in a "Memorial Fund" into our budget yearly ($150). When the money runs out, it runs out....period. We donate a book to the school library in honor of the deceased and let the family pick out the book. If the deceased was a firefighter, for example, the family could pick a fire truck book or fire safety book. Also, if the deceased is a PTO member or family member of a PTO member, we generally chip in (from our own pockets) for either a restaurant gift. cert. or large plate of homemade cookies.

We recently had one of our students lose their father and we have a sunshine account but it wasn't specific on what to do so we decided that from now on if a student loses a immediate family member the PTO automatically will donate a book to the library in their honor. She was in 5th grade and those parents are taking donations for the family on their own.

Hi,
In reference to your issue, our school has a committee set up especially for this pourpose called the "sunshine committee" They send out things in time of need, do meals, gift cards etc. They are separate from our PTO, but if anyone on the PTO wishes to contribute, they are more then welcome. Otherwise without this committee, everyone just comes together and donates meals, money etc. Another suggestion would be, we had a little student pass away a couple of years ago, PTO planted a tree for this student.

I'm a little late to this discussion, but we have had this situation come up several times in the past two years that I have been president. One of the families absolutely did not want any donations from the school or the parents, even though there was a fund set up in the obituary. We also had a beloved parent who was the organizer of our annual Pasta Night and ran it for the past 10 years who died suddenly and left a kindergarten son. We dedicated the following Pasta Night to her memory and left out a donation jar for the family and raised over $200. The HSA sent a fruit basket to the family. We recently had another death where the mother died leaving the father with two young children. Instead of a fruit basket, we sent the cash equivalent as a donation. Unfortunately, we don't hear of everything like this that happens because many families play it close to the vest. We stick to a budget for these kinds of things. If we went with our hearts and gave the family of the Pasta Night mom something like $250, what would happen if we lost 2 dozen parents in the same year? (I know it's unlikely, but...).

We have encouraged the parents to get involved on a personal level instead. Some cook and bring food to the family, some babysit, some bring groceries, and some bring school supplies for the kids. As a group we try to be equal to all the families depending upon what their particular needs are at the time.

Thank you for your responses! I think I just needed some validation in my decision. It is just such an emotional issue, that I think its hard for some to separate their personal feelings from their responsibilities as a board member. (I don't mean that to sound as cold as it does.....)

I'm also going to comb through our by-laws and see if there are any guidelines there. Hopefully, I can find a concrete reason to reference back to when this comes again next week.

As a parent, I wouldn't care for that approach either. Once the school allows one family the option of using the kids as messengers, where would it stop? It would drive me crazy to open my child's backpack and constantly find requests for financial help.

Usually, families include information about these kinds of funds in the obituary. Word of mouth helps get the info around too.