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x-board member bashing board

17 years 5 months ago #128128 by Volunteer parent
Replied by Volunteer parent on topic RE: x-board member bashing board
While it is wrong to speak ill of the Board, it sounds as though this woman is angry because she feels that she has been wronged in some way. It may be as simple as hurt feelings and possibly she is lacking the appropriate coping skills to deal with her feelings appropriately. It sounds as though she has converted her hurt feelings into negative behavior. She may be feeling a skewed sense of injustice and feels this is the only way she can protect herself or right a wrong in her mind. It is about her feelings and does not mean that your group has actually done anything wrong.

Rather than trying to ignore it, fight it or stop it, has anyone reached out to her and asked with genuine concern why this woman is bashing the board and why she feels the way she does?

I would approach her with sincere empathy and interest in her feelings and ask her to meet for coffee or lunch or breakfast, some place neutral. The Board member who meets with her should be someone who can hear her out without confrontation and can maintain a dignified meeting. Maybe someone who can hear her out patiently. There is one simple question. 'Why do you feel this way'?

The fact that someone cared enough to ask her to meet, showed her respect and concern could be the start of something very good. Chances are high that she knows that no one likes her and her feelings are justifiably very hurt by that. She does not know that she brought it on herself. She most likely served the Board to the best of her abilities but does not know how she was perceived. She probably has no idea why no one likes her. Her intentions were probably good in attempting to serve the Board in the first place. There may be nothing in her background, education or work experience that provided her with the skills to be a good team player and/or a leader.

It would be good to find the common ground in that we share so much as we are all mothers and we are all women. It is too simple to dismiss her as bad and it isn't doing anyone any good. Because all else has failed, maybe taking the high road and doing something positive, compassionate and truly good is worth the effort. No matter how it turns out, you know you tried and that is what matters. The effort will filter out to your larger parent body and can only put you in the best light.

You would show your other parents that you are far above average and show that you genuinely care about all of your parents and not just the group that agrees with you.

Just as incentive, another motivation for doing something good about this, aside from the excellent example it sets for your children and other parents is that this woman has become a time consuming factor for your group. She is taking precious time away from your purpose. The effort will save time in future efforts to be more successful.

Good Luck!
17 years 5 months ago #128095 by Volunteer parent
Replied by Volunteer parent on topic RE: x-board member bashing board
It would be a perfect world if people knew when to walk away...I'm sure you know the right thing to do. Remember, it's harder to do the right thing than it is to say how you really feel

You kids no doubt appreciate the hard work. As for the jerks; unfortunately, it comes with the territory. I'm sure there are other people like you who roll their eyes at what the hangers-on want to say. Just remind the principal that it won't be easy to fill spots on the board if the old board members are going to make your life miserable.

Good luck!
17 years 5 months ago #127886 by dwiant
LOL! Thanks CrewChief!!
17 years 5 months ago #127817 by CrewChief
Well, you know from experience that engaging her only escalates the situation. So if ignoring her keeps her at a minimum damage level then it's probably the best thing to continue with.

If your group has high involvement numbers, has the respect of the staff and teachers and the kids are having a blast then she obviously isn't having a serious effect on your team.

Sadly, there are people who are happy being miserable. As long as she can carry her chip around on her shoulder and bellyache to new groups of parents from time to time she'll continue to do it.

She's the one walking around looking and sounding ridiculous. Pity her. Something is missing for her and it isn't something anyone else can give her. She needs to find it for herself. I for one am too busy being happy with the abundance in my life to drag myself or anyone else down. Be positive whenever she's around. It may just be the example she needs. If not, then at least you know it's pi$$ing her off!!! That's fun too.... :D

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."

"The ultimate aim of karate lies not in victory or defeat but in the true perfection of one's character."
17 years 5 months ago #127816 by dwiant
This has been a repeating cycle with her for almost a year now. Which is why we are so tired of it. We have been putting on the smiles but how much is enough?
17 years 5 months ago #127808 by Volunteer parent
Replied by Volunteer parent on topic RE: x-board member bashing board
Not to minimize your problem, but the issue of prinicpals barring parents from volunteering seems to be a delicate one (full of legal mumbo jumbo and rights)....one school is currently deciding whether a parent that is a registered sex offender has the right to continue to volunteer at school where his child/ren attend. Certainly a little heavier scenario than just a talkative parent that will soon have no one listening to them anymore anyway.
Maybe that will put your matter into a better/lighter perspective.
I think the more you smile at that person and just say nothing, the quicker they will get bored of talking. If you reply or enter into a discussion, they will continue becuase theyve got what they wanted - attention.
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