In our School district many schools have folders that go home on Fridays. These folders contain a school newsletter, a PTO newsletter and any fundraising material or other community notes. Having it all sent home on one day makes it easier to find in backpacks. I do not know how returns are handled. I will say our school staff is very supportive. They must realize we don't always have to agree for uus to respect them and what they do.

Okay, first off, IF there really is "parents" that are complaining about you, honestly, it's not unusual not to be able to confront those that have made the complaint, however the person recieving the complaint is supposed to work out something that will take care of the issues for all parties concerned so that peace can be restored. If a person really feels there is a legitimate issue that needs to be addressed, but they really don't want to make waves, just to have something rectified or explained, than you are more likely to get honest feedback when it's anonymous.
However, from everything that I have read about this situation, I am completely convinced that your principal may be playing both sides against each other and that these "parents" concerns are really "her" concerns. She doesn't appear to be paying attention to what she's approving and when she sees it in circulation, she finds fault with it. Since she originally approved it (and she knows deep down that she did) she couldn't honestly say she has changed her mind without looking like a complete idiot, so she initiates it by claiming that someone else had a problem and brought it to her attention.
She's proven time and again that she is inconsistent, that she is dishonest and she is incompetent. Perhaps she's even jealous of you because you don't really NEED her to hold your hand to get things done.
The lack of support from the teachers may not be from them but from her telling them that it's not really something they have to support.
As for keeping track of her lies, use e-mail. Try to get her to put her approvals on paper/writing. When you meet with them, bring a tape recorder (so that you can be an active participant without taking notes and can compose the minutes later- but really have a record of what was said) and keep a file of the tapes. Assume that the teachers are just as much her victim as you are. Ask to address them specifically during a staff meeting and prepare a survey for them to fill out and MAIL back to you, so that it doesn't go through the school office. You will get honest feedback direct from the sources without her spin.
Ask to meet with your PTA board and other groups, seperately without inviting the principal, and compare notes on the principal's actions. I again, would bet that they've had or are having the same problems and that she is talking to them about you.

mykids--you're too nice! Gall or kidney stone? I was thinking more along the lines of "boil on my as@!"

As a group leader this inability to be consistant and REMEMBER things is REALLY worrisome to me. I know my group's (as any other's, I suppose)is tenuous--it's not a given that you're there. If she's seeing my actions as confrontational, or "thumbing my nose" --that doesn't give me a lot of good press, and is ammo to get my group out. Believe me, my super AND my BOE are getting copies of everything now--like I've said, covering my as@ looks like it's going to become a full time job!

WOW!
You know what I'm thinking, the super needs a copy of the minutes before you give them to her to approve and version two! Even Dr. Phil preaches consistancy, I'm not seeing it and this is confusing! How can your group know what to do if she can't even agree with the same thought!

You know if she was a gall or kidney stone you woud have been to the hospital by now

Keep your chin up! :cool:

Well, we had our meeting to which we invited the super today. At first it was rather unnerving, because we feel the super is "on our side" and he started by giving a very passionate lecture about us working in harmony with everyone, we needed to act like adults and that if we couldn't do that we would be ordered to cease and desist our activities. I could tell my VP was ready to have a stroke, since we're killing ourselves trying to be cooperative, and the "trouble" we cause is NOT trouble--it's those lovely detractors we all seem to have coming at us and complaining etc. I had to keep giving her looks to please NOT argue that we aren't the problem here, but the victims of those wanting to tear us down. After that the super listened in for a while told us he was sure we could solve this and left.

The principal and Vice started in with comments made by a member (who happened to be at this meeting) about her dissatisfaction with the morale of the school, teacher participation etcetera. We tried to steer the meeting away from all that by stating that while they may disagree, this is her opinion, and NOT what the meeting was supposed to be about. After some side trips into other issues that are rankling parents in the lower grades, we finally got around to the principal committing to--yet AGAIN--what the rules and regulations are that we need to follow in order to be seen as compliant. Mind you--this was almost completely opposite from the rules that she gave us in May, that we followed up on in August and again in September. When we brought out notes from these meetings, she said, "well--that was in MAY"--apparently her rules only have a shelf-life of several weeks.

We stated our points (which thank God I had printed out) and the exact areas we need help with if we're to achieve our goal as painlessly as possible. We went over each point--in some cases we were assured we'd get this help (mind you we got the same promises in May, and NONE of them were forthcoming), and in some cases we were given an absolute "no," like with us wanting her to send people with questions about things like our finances to us so that we could properly address the concerns rather than her being burdened with innuendo and accusations (our nice way of saying, "don't encourage tattlers and trouble-makers by giving their foundless bitchings any validity"). We also got denials that other groups are not held to different standards, only to later her hear her contradicting herself, or abjectly refusing to acknowledge that parent concerns were valid--simply because she felt they were wrong.

To make ABSOLUTELY sure we're all on the same page, we're going to be typing up "minutes" of the meeting, sending them her to approve, then keeping them as a bible. We're also fowarding copies to our super and BOE members so that they see THESE are the rules we have been told to follow, and unless we recieve instruction otherwise this is what we're going by.

On a smaller scale, to me the meeting was successful in that we came out with her assurances we will get what we need to operate productively. On a much larger scale, the more I reflect on the meeting and the things she said and her responses to our feelings and opinions I am, as a parent, alarmed by her behavior. On the surface she sems affable and reasonable. However it became obvious very quickly that she seems to hold grudges, opinions differing from her own will not even be reflected upon, she is loyal to her staff to a fault--she refuses to acknowledge that any of them could possibly have issues or faults, she claims that all groups ARE held to the same standards, then would immediately make a statement that proved they are not. I came out feeling that we received a lot of mixed messages, which I can deal with because we're going to have the approved "rules" to go by, but I wonder how she will react at the first comlaint from a teacher or "concerned parent."

Don't get me wrong --this isn't about us not getting what we want and now focusing on ruining this woman's good name. But I have real issues with her OBVIOUSLY not reading the material we give her, nor writing it down. We were in this meeting WELL over 2 1/2 hours, and I swear the Vice didn't write ONE, not ONE thing down, and in fact didn't even come in with a pad or pencil!

Oh well, I keep telling myself, "this too shall pass." But I'll tell you, it can't pass fast enough for me!

I don't think it's out of line to ask teachers to hand out flyers or collect order forms. Especially if you make it convenient for the student to basically turn their order forms in themselves. I was involved in the parent group at my son's previous school for two years and our teachers bent over backwards to do things for us. They collected money, passed things out, etc. Never once did I hear a single complaint. This year we are at a new school and the teachers are just sticklers for not having to do one single thing outside of their union contract. Maybe they have been burned in the past, I don't know and I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt but it has been a challenge to work around them. Are you sure it is the teachers complaining and not the principal?

-Is it unreasonable to ask our principal to have a "reminder flyer" distributed?

Absolutely not. I don't understand why a principal would not want to have this done. More involvement by parents equals better schools!

As for a parent complaining about fundraising and spending of funds we had this very same problem two years ago. It was actual a teacher who had a daughter at my son's school. We were having the kids do the cookie dough fundraiser and she sent a rather nasty letter to our principal about how ridiculous it was. I loved our principal because she read the email to us (after telling the mother she would share her concerns with us) and she also told her if she didn't like our fundraising methods to please join us at a meeting. I told the principal if this person wouldn't even take the time to come to a meeting then I really had very little time to listen to their complaint.

-should a principal take action to rectify the teachers' lack of enthusiasm or support for a PTO/PTA ?

I don't know about this one. The teachers at my son's new school are not very warm but I really don't want our principal to take them to task on it. I prefer to catch them with kindness. We are planning crockpot soups and breads during early release week in November and we bring in treats every once in a while. While I want them to be with us, not against us, I also realize no one can make them like us.

-what should you do when you have a meeting with the principal about your activities for the coming year, get approval for said activites and approval for the flyers and scheduling, only to find after you start your activities that the principal and vice are now saying they NEVER agreed to what and how you are doing what your doing?

Take notes, notes and more notes. After you have taken the notes *with dates noted* get a copy to your principal, vice principal, etc. and ask them to sign off on the notes. That way you always have a paper trail.

I run everything by my principal. It can be tedious but I have to work with her for the next 2 years and I would prefer it be a good working relationship. I wish you luck. I am starting to realize that I have been very lucky with my principals.

Can you tell there's a problem here?